Anyone else feeling especially suicidal tonight?

[Hope:-)]

I've encountered a hiccup in my method which has resulted in me feeling especially suicidal tonight. There is a finality about it all for me tonight which wasn't there before. I've realised 'wow, I'm actually going to do this.' Plus, the planning is soul destroying which doesn't help. Anyone else feel this way tonight?

 

[Sick of it all]

I was like that last night. I've taken a bunch if pain pills tonight so I don't feel much of anything.

 

[nopride86]

Finding holes in your ctb plan is the absolute worst feeling. It's like yet another hope for resolution is gone and it's back to the drawing board. It's not fair that leaving has to be so painful - mentally, emotionally, physically - and yet it's the pain that makes us want to leave even sooner. And it's not fair to find ourselves here, in this situation, to begin with.

I don't have any advice, but you are not alone in this tonight. Someday peace will come, however it comes, and tonight you will endure. My heart goes out to you, Hope.

 

[Sk3le]

Every night is like this, the loneliness feels heavier when is dark, i dont know why

 

[outrider567]

Always

I've encountered a hiccup in my method which has resulted in me feeling especially suicidal tonight. There is a finality about it all for me tonight which wasn't there before. I've realised 'wow, I'm actually going to do this.' Plus, the planning is soul destroying which doesn't help. Anyone else feel this way tonight?

Not much planning in my case, I just turn the gas on and put on the hood

 

[Forever Sleep]

Weirdly, I'm struggling more in the mornings and during the day at the moment. Think maybe I'm just relieved that I'm closer to sleeping this end of the day.

I think I understand what you mean. It's so worrying isn't it? Trying to figure out a method that seems at least do-able. Then, there's all the worry of trying to get hold of things. I just get so frustrated, worried and then angry about it that it's this complicated.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just feel so tired of everything today. Suicide really shouldn't be this difficult, we are all already suffering enough without having to do complicated suicide research. The fear of failure and lack of methods is what keeps me here as usual. I do think that it's comforting the fact that I will die eventually no matter what but the problem is that if I don't ctb it could potentially be many decades of existing and that thought is so horrifying. Life is just too unfair.

 

[Sick of it all]

I just feel so tired of everything today. Suicide really shouldn't be this difficult, we are all already suffering enough without having to do complicated suicide research. The fear of failure and lack of methods is what keeps me here as usual. I do think that it's comforting the fact that I will die eventually no matter what but the problem is that if I don't ctb it could potentially be many decades of existing and that thought is so horrifying. Life is just too unfair.

I couldn't agree with this more.

 

[lionetta12]

I've encountered a hiccup in my method which has resulted in me feeling especially suicidal tonight. There is a finality about it all for me tonight which wasn't there before. I've realised 'wow, I'm actually going to do this.' Plus, the planning is soul destroying which doesn't help. Anyone else feel this way tonight?

I've felt a choking need to CTB today, but I know it feels irrational right now and so I'm trying to focus on other things. I'm waiting for everything to be in order before I take the leap and so it would be stupid of me to do it tonight, just have to keep being patient which is easier said than done, but trying my best.

 

[Hope:-)]

I relate to a lot of this. I feel like doing something rash, but I know I shouldn't. Just hoping I can get all the stuff I need,