What sobers me is thinking about recovery. Recovery to what? I'm at the point I'm at because I played life's fucked up, tilted, rigged game and I'm tired of it. I'm too tired to get back out there and try to reconnect with society. I feel like I've gone through an awakening. And now, I can't go back to sleep. My mind keeps trying to play bullshit hope dreams in my head, only for my soul to override it and remind myself that I've tried the things that the SI is suggesting I try again. Trying it harder is not going to change the outcome.
Society is a rigged status game. Humans are draining. I'm finding more and more that there's no real purpose to life. Only beautiful distractions that give me varying amounts of dopamine hits. The question, 'come back to what?' is what will drive me past the SI. I'm ready to go. Life is such a tyrannical event. If this is all I get, then so be it. I'd rather have never been born to begin with.