Anyone else discover their SI at a young age?

[AmanSilvers]

I first tried to ctb when I was 12, after years already of thinking about it. The method I chose, cutting in a bath, was never going to work. It became incredibly clear to me when I couldn't make myself force the blade into my skin hard enough to do much damage. It was a feeling I had no concept of at the time. I ended up just sitting in my pink bath for a while before getting out and bandaging myself up. I went to school the next day.

I think if I hadn't made that first pathetic attempt, then I wouldn't still be here. That feeling found its way into my conscious mind, and every time I seriously consider ctb, it shows its face. If I had waited a few years I would have gotten my hands on a gun and that would have been the end of it. But instead I got too scared.

I'm curious if anyone had a similar experience.

 

[buriedinmyhead]

Yeah, I first started wanting to die at eleven. I already knew back then that I'd never feel satisfied in this life. Me being a dumb kid, thought that taking enough multivitamins would kill me (I took like five then chickened out)

 

[leoneliona]

Yeah, I discovered mine around 11. I thought it was normal to feel that way passively though.

 

[Rev346]

I vividly remember asking my aunt for a knife so I could stab myself in the heart during thanksgiving when I was 8. And then I remember being yelled at for what seemed like an hour the next day by my dad. Catching the bus has always been something I think about.

 

[voc_89]

late-14s. It was the 1st anniversary of one of my parent's death. The survivor had escslated their degeneracy actions by then. Having other partners over. Constantly drunk. Ha. As i type this what further pushed me over the edge was that i had answered a call and it was the bank reminding us that the mortgage was in default. I was like f this. I scrunged up (money was hard to get by) to buy 8 advil tablets (i am allergic to ibuprofen). And typed a letter on microsoft word indicating how i felt, my intentions, and well sorries. Blasted kid brain didn't know about Word's recent doc feature. Remaining parent found out and intervened by letting my siblings in on it. It was hard to go through since.

 

[wreckedbeyondrepair]

Me too. I found out about it after my first attempt when I was 11. I was going to do a FSH but I couldn't push through my SI enough to push the chair from beneath me.

 

[stolenvalor666]

I attempted first at 14, I was kinda dumb and decided that 10 ibuprofen would've worked. I dont really remember being all that scared tbh. Im now 25 and have been trying many different ways for a while now. Ive tried to do PSH, but thats really when the SI kicked in. I guess I was doing it wrong. One thing that I know for certain is that ill die by gun. Everytime I hold it up to my head, I feel nothing. I thought I would be scared, but im not. The only reason why I havent left yet is because I dont want to ctb in my family's house and traumatize them.