Anybody using alcohol or drugs to cope before CTB?

[PeaceisallIwishfor]

I feel I am losing my mind. Hopefully my N will be here in a week. I don't want to die but I truly cannot find a way out of my situation, I would rather be dead than experience one more day or this mental torture, I just want to be healthy and happy, I want my friends back, I want my sane normal self back, I wish I could wake up a year ago. If I had N right here in front of me I would take it. I find solace in wishing for an afterlife, but I'm comfortable with nothingness, anything is better than this. I am using alcohol to cope with this terror and discomfort, I feel like those poor animals awaiting their fate in the slaughterhouse.

 

[OneBigBlur]

Nope, but I definitely want to. Nothing really distracts me anymore except for this website sometimes and the days seem to get longer.

And I don't think any of us really want to die, we just don't want to suffer in this horrible place anymore. I really hope that there is something much better after this.

 

[LMLN]

I am using alcohol to cope unfortunately. Months of mental torture have taken a toll. Its bad and unhealthy but I need a break sometimes. :(

 

[PeaceisallIwishfor]

It is very hard to plan when your brain is in survival mode, it's like a war against yourself. I've been wanting to make the most of my last moments, but it's seemingly impossible.

 

[LMLN]

It is very hard to plan when your brain is in survival mode, it's like a war against yourself. I've been wanting to make the most of my last moments, but it's seemingly impossible.

I know. There are so many things I should be doing to prepare. But I cannot bother getting out of bed except to go to work. Come home and get in bed again.

 

[Scooter]

Sometimes having a few drinks at the end of the day and listening to music is the only enjoyment I get anymore. It's like my little peace time before bed I guess, but it's really the only time I get some enjoyment. If anyone has any music recommendations I would love to listen!

I agree with OP, nothingness is something hard to explain but sounds like what I need.

 

[OneBigBlur]

I just ordered some Kratom finally. It's not like my money will be of any use when I'm dead, might as well.

 

[nirvana133]

Bro, i drink all the time. I wish the best for you, and i dont want you to go down the path that i have gone down.This shit is hell, but i know how you feel.

 

[FullyUnplugged]

Drugs are not the answer, could just compound the problem if you decide not to ctb.

 

[PeaceisallIwishfor]

Bro, i drink all the time. I wish the best for you, and i dont want you to go down the path that i have gone down.This shit is hell, but i know how you feel.

I won't be here much longer, just trying to cope with the pain until the N gets here. I've accepted my fate. It's hopeless.

Drugs are not the answer, could just compound the problem if you decide not to ctb.

I agree, but when you are trying to cope with pain until your CTB date which you are for sure going to do, it relieves the suffering. I am basically on my death bed at this point, if I had N right now I would take it.

 

[Dubs]

Yes, absolutely, lots of beer. I'm not 100% like you are though, so it makes it difficult from the emotional roller-coaster of binge drinking while trying to find a way to survive.