Anybody else's friends know you're suicidal?

[LakeMungoGirl]

I have a best friend named Sarah who knows about my major depression and suicidality. We've been friends for about six years at this point-- met in the same "treatment" center that, ironically, is at fault for my current condition, as well as my parents who sent me there multiple times and ignored my pleas not to and to instead seek alternative treatment. She intimately understands why I'm suicidal, and doesn't blame me for feeling this way. I've tried discussing with her multiple times about how I'm planning on killing myself soon, and while it upsets her, I doubt she would ever report me as she respects my autonomy and knows being hospitalized would only prolong my suffering. She has never invalidated my feelings, and I'm incredibly thankful I have someone like her in my life who I trust deeply enough to discuss these poignant topics with without restriction.

If I were standing at the edge of a bridge right now preparing to let myself fall, I have a feeling she would let me go. Not because she doesn't care about me, but because she cares about me so much that she knows, despite how terribly it may hurt her, the best thing for me, is to let me go. And while I wish I could stay for her, I know it's just not possible. My suicide is inevitable.

I guess I'm interested if anybody else on this forum has someone in their life-- online or in-person-- they can talk to about their true feelings around suicide, and if so, how has this impacted your relationship with them? Do you plan on doing anything special with them before you die?

 

[thegreatminderaser]

lake mungo is a fantastic movie

i have in some ways. i'm open about my suicidality usuay, but i tend to hide it when it's too difficult for my friends to handle, or i worry about being hospitalized. when the thoughts start i'll say something, when i start planning i don't.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

lake mungo is a fantastic movie

I actually feel like a fraud because I haven't watched it yet-- only read the synopsis online and felt an instant connection with it, though I'm planning on watching it for the first time tonight. Let's hope I don't regret my username, lol.

i have in some ways. i'm open about my suicidality usuay, but i tend to hide it when it's too difficult for my friends to handle, or i worry about being hospitalized. when the thoughts start i'll say something, when i start planning i don't.

That makes sense. I understand wanting to shield your friends from your grief as to not inadvertently pass it on, although I'm sorry it's something you have to worry about in the first place.

 

[unendingempty]

Only one of my friends knows I'm suicidal, though my other friends know that I've struggled with suicidal ideation in the past. Honestly, her response was really invalidating. She basically told me that because she was able to overcome her suicidal thoughts I can too because I'm "strong" like she is. I don't feel strong, I feel burnt out, pathetic and weak. If I was actually strong I either would have managed to improve me life so that it's actually worth living, or actually worked up the guts to kill myself.

 

[thegreatminderaser]

I actually feel like a fraud because I haven't watched it yet-- only read the synopsis online and felt an instant connection with it, though I'm planning on watching it for the first time tonight. Let's hope I don't regret my username, lol.

That makes sense. I understand wanting to shield your friends from your grief as to not inadvertently pass it on, although I'm sorry it's something you have to worry about in the first place.

i don't think you will, it's a goodie. very unsettling and ominous, good horror vibes.

i appreciate your sympathy - it's something i've dealt with for a long time. in a previous relationship whenever i talked about suicidality he would blame himself and shut down and i'd end up having to comfort him, it's a learned behaviour to hide how i feel. i'm getting better at it slowly

 

[Pale_Rider]

The answer is no. I could beat myself up, and tell myself it's because of me. The truth is I'm seriously mentally ill. But we are pretty good at keeping the extent of that to ourselves.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

Only one of my friends knows I'm suicidal, though my other friends know that I've struggled with suicidal ideation in the past. Honestly, her response was really invalidating. She basically told me that because she was able to overcome her suicidal thoughts I can too because I'm "strong" like she is. I don't feel strong, I feel burnt out, pathetic and weak. If I was actually strong I either would have managed to improve me life so that it's actually worth living, or actually worked up the guts to kill myself.

I'm so sorry you had a bad experience with your friend. I've met similar people who've done the same, and I understand how incredibly invalidating it can be. I truly believe some people are incapable of realizing the depth of suffering you can experience if pushed too far, as their lives have likely been much more comfortable than ours, making it harder for them to empathize. Which isn't an excuse, just a theory.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I have a best friend named Sarah who knows about my major depression and suicidality. We've been friends for about six years at this point-- met in the same "treatment" center that, ironically, is at fault for my current condition, as well as my parents who sent me there multiple times and ignored my pleas not to and to instead seek alternative treatment. She intimately understands why I'm suicidal, and doesn't blame me for feeling this way. I've tried discussing with her multiple times about how I'm planning on killing myself soon, and while it upsets her, I doubt she would ever report me as she respects my autonomy and knows being hospitalized would only prolong my suffering. She has never invalidated my feelings, and I'm incredibly thankful I have someone like her in my life who I trust deeply enough to discuss these poignant topics with without restriction.

If I were standing at the edge of a bridge right now preparing to let myself fall, I have a feeling she would let me go. Not because she doesn't care about me, but because she cares about me so much that she knows, despite how terribly it may hurt her, the best thing for me, is to let me go. And while I wish I could stay for her, I know it's just not possible. My suicide is inevitable.

I guess I'm interested if anybody else on this forum has someone in their life-- online or in-person-- they can talk to about their true feelings around suicide, and if so, how has this impacted your relationship with them? Do you plan on doing anything special with them before you die?

I'm so glad you have a friend like that. That really is a gift.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

I'm so glad you have a friend like that. That really is a gift.

Thank you. I hope she knows how special she is to me, even if I'm not entirely capable of expressing it. I want to do something special for her before I die.

 

[gunmetalblue11]

I have 2 IRL friendships from people I grew up with. I barely have any contact with them nowadays. When I needed help one dipped, the other gave me scraps undeserving of even a dog. They know my past so my struggles, I guess if I fully opened up to either one they would feign care and get me hospitalised to not have bad conscious.
On here I talk with people openly about suicide. It's comforting to just be understood without judgement or back handed advice in attempt to push you to into recovery, when you aren't obviously seeking that type of reassurance.

Hope you find a safe space for yourself to be open. And your friend is a keeper.
I wish you find the peace you deserve.

 

[like_a_bird]

I have a best friend named Sarah who knows about my major depression and suicidality. We've been friends for about six years at this point-- met in the same "treatment" center that, ironically, is at fault for my current condition, as well as my parents who sent me there multiple times and ignored my pleas not to and to instead seek alternative treatment. She intimately understands why I'm suicidal, and doesn't blame me for feeling this way. I've tried discussing with her multiple times about how I'm planning on killing myself soon, and while it upsets her, I doubt she would ever report me as she respects my autonomy and knows being hospitalized would only prolong my suffering. She has never invalidated my feelings, and I'm incredibly thankful I have someone like her in my life who I trust deeply enough to discuss these poignant topics with without restriction.

If I were standing at the edge of a bridge right now preparing to let myself fall, I have a feeling she would let me go. Not because she doesn't care about me, but because she cares about me so much that she knows, despite how terribly it may hurt her, the best thing for me, is to let me go. And while I wish I could stay for her, I know it's just not possible. My suicide is inevitable.

I guess I'm interested if anybody else on this forum has someone in their life-- online or in-person-- they can talk to about their true feelings around suicide, and if so, how has this impacted your relationship with them? Do you plan on doing anything special with them before you die?

Sarah sounds like a treasure.

No such friends for me but I am lucky to have my brother for this. He feels similarly for similar reasons. Ironically, I think just having the one relationship where I am not pressured to hide my despair has kept me around longer.

 

[kipstriesagain]

I have a best friend named Sarah who knows about my major depression and suicidality. We've been friends for about six years at this point-- met in the same "treatment" center that, ironically, is at fault for my current condition, as well as my parents who sent me there multiple times and ignored my pleas not to and to instead seek alternative treatment. She intimately understands why I'm suicidal, and doesn't blame me for feeling this way. I've tried discussing with her multiple times about how I'm planning on killing myself soon, and while it upsets her, I doubt she would ever report me as she respects my autonomy and knows being hospitalized would only prolong my suffering. She has never invalidated my feelings, and I'm incredibly thankful I have someone like her in my life who I trust deeply enough to discuss these poignant topics with without restriction.

If I were standing at the edge of a bridge right now preparing to let myself fall, I have a feeling she would let me go. Not because she doesn't care about me, but because she cares about me so much that she knows, despite how terribly it may hurt her, the best thing for me, is to let me go. And while I wish I could stay for her, I know it's just not possible. My suicide is inevitable.

I guess I'm interested if anybody else on this forum has someone in their life-- online or in-person-- they can talk to about their true feelings around suicide, and if so, how has this impacted your relationship with them? Do you plan on doing anything special with them before you die?

Your friend sounds wonderful. I'm a little jealous honestly.
I'd love to tell someone, speak about it openly. Admit I have no intention on dying naturally. That's just impossible for me though. Best case scenario is I lose my friends if I open up, worst case is they call the cops on me and get me sent to a psyche ward.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i don't even have any friends that i can tell. just random strangers online

 

[mjolnir]

I have never shared my suicidal thoughts with any friends; I don't think they would view it with any less stigma than society already does.

 

[compulsoryaliveness]

Yep, most people close to me know. It wasn't exactly a choice, but in some ways it became a choice.

I was extremely, severely depressed and could barely string a sentence together last year. And then I started drinking really heavily and slowly telling people when I was wasted. I also went through a suicide prevention program which took up a lot of my time, so it was implied I suppose.

I made a few people read Undoing Suicidism, a book about suicidal people being an oppressed class - think what you want about the theory, it was helpful for me.

I've moved cities since and I told my new friend early on that being friends with me means accepting that I will ctb, and it's up to her if she wants to stay friends with that information.

Basically I read everything I could about suicide, and philosophy about suicide, and memorised various statistics and have spent a lot of time on this forum, and now I make a pretty compelling case to anyone who asks that I ought to be able to die when I wish.

I would say these conversations have massively fucked my social life, but to be honest, that is a fine result. The guilt of leaving is only removed each time someone pushes away.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I had a friend group at once point who knew and they eventually dropped me because of it. I would say that it's best not to tell anyone. The popular narrative right now is that we are dangerous/worthless as people and don't deserve social connection. That said, I'm sure there are exceptions to this, and I'm glad you have a friend who is one.

 

[lovelydove]

The only person I've told was my best friend. I told her because she has also struggled with suicidal thoughts before in the past, so she empathizes with me a lot. We've also known each other for years, so we're both very comfortable sharing things with one another in general. I'm honestly grateful to have a friend like her.

 

[astroproto]

I only have like 2 friends. Only told the one I've been friends with the longest.

I promised I would never do it but just couldn't help myself I guess. She seemed concerned but the conversation ended abruptly when I made it awkward sarcastically asked "are you my therapist" which I think might have come across as mockery rather than a joke. I still talk to her but I'm hoping I'll never tell anyone again unless I'm really gonna do it.

 

[user938838383335]

What's the point of friends if you cant tell them everything

 

[aerilana]

i keep hinting it by talking/joking about ideations lightly to kind of get them used to the idea that i will probably be dead one day. we also live in a country where mental health problems is still pretty taboo, it is going to be uncomfortable or awkward for them if ever i actually open up about my ideations. i also don't want to worry them too much as I don't really think they can help me in any way which is why I don't really get into details about how bad it actually is for me. they wouldn't really know what to say or how to react, it will stress me out more i think. i can handle myself anyway.

 

[darkizz]

I told most of the people. But they dont take it serious and treat it like i was joking so.. idk

 

[socksnsandles]

i consistenly joke about finding the nearest bridge almost everytime we hang so probably

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No. Nobody has any idea, so no one can try to interfere with my plans.

 

[Chemi]

At this point, all of my close friends know that I struggle with these thoughts (and many do themselves to some degree), but we don't really discuss them in detail. It's a fine line between venting and overwhelming them, and the line is different for every friend. For the most part, I try to keep it to "I'm not feeling well, but that's okay" whenever I'm asked how I am. I only really talk more about the topic if they specifically initiate this conversation, either by sharing their own suicidal ideation or asking specifically about mine, but even then... There is nothing quite like SaSu in real life, from my experience.

 

[outrider567]

No, nobody knows, they know I'm depressed but not suicidal

 

[Claymore7274]

a group of internet friends have known for a while, i distanced myself from them a few days ago

 

[HangMan123]

What friends?

 

[castlebravo]

Nobody knows. I think everyone (friends and family) would be shocked.