Anybody else felt some months ago that they would CTB but still didn't ?

[Painless_end]

Did anyone here feel like they would CTB some months ago but for whatever reason didn't even attempt seriously.

And now, your life is a huge burden to live daily because you can't go through with it ?

 

[Riley [CTBus]]

I agree I half assed my attempts but next time, there will be no more failures. My brain will be mush.

 

[RedDEE]

I had a shotgun in my mouth last week. Didn't pull the trigger. @CTBus knows about it, that's my dawg.

I found a huge bottle of sedatives that expired in 2012 here in my Aunt's basement owned by someone that died.. I've been high all week, and happy. They've stopped the voices in my head. After I run out of these pills, I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

[muffin222]

Haha, story of my life! I was dead set on ending it all in May. I got the SN in April, and I was certain May would be it for me. But, I opted to try to recover instead, so I'm still here. I'm still quite miserable and still suffering from suicidal thoughts. I don't know what to think some days. I'm just trying to take life day by day at this point

 

[Muirthemne]

I was planning to end it all in April, but then I just didn't. I've regretted it ever since, but I still can't find the guts to do the right thing.

 

[ptsdgoblin]

Yeah, I thought I'd end it when lockdown started, then again a couple months later, now here we are. I feel so trapped. It would be so much easier to cope with if there was an actual end date for all of this but I hear that's not how viruses work, unfortunately. So for now I feel like I'm in limbo no matter what I do.

 

[Lilmeowssi]

Planned to end it last year in May and then again in November and the last time was a month ago.
I am fearing I will never be able to go trough with it.

 

[insurancepolicy]

I'm a realtor and currently have a luxury listing in a high-rise condo tower that I almost jumped off of last month.

I didn't because I was so depressed and anxious I felt everyone I came across knew that I had that in mind and could notice how skittish I felt. So I showed the property to a another agent and their customer and left.

I also couldn't stop thinking about all the crazy consequences that would happen like all the residents suing not only my family but my company for having this asshole realtor do that and traumatizing all of them.

Thankfully I discovered SS around the same time and found much better methods to consider to keep the collateral damage down as much as possible.

Damn.

I just admitted that. Feels good.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

On May 23 I was in a hotel room and had gone through the SN regime up to mixing the SN solution. I couldn't do it, though. Soon after, police showed up at the hotel with an old friend of mine. They'd found me.

A few weeks later I was in my guest bedroom and had gotten to the same point, but couldn't "pull the trigger."

I regret that I didn't succeed that first day.