Discussion Any people in recovery open to talk?

[The Disqualified]

I thought this (this thread) could be a nice place for people to meet and share their experiences.

I will share a broad picture of my experience.

I used to post a lot, almost exclusively, in the Suicide section of the site.
I would say that I have grown a lot in the last few years, even if my posts seem similar.

Overall, I had a hard time accepting the fact that I had suffered so much loneliness and traumatic experiences from being a societal outcast and suffering from social anxiety.
I had a hard time accepting I was different, and that my thoughts were different. But now I see that there is value in that. I like who I am.

I have sought therapy and medication to help me, and I feel better.
I am a very recovery-oriented person in the sense that I have gone through a lot, but I am still here.

How are you? You may share a bit of your recovery process if you wish.

I would be happy to hear. I like seeing people getting out of such dark places, as I know very well how desolate and gloomy it is at the bottom.

 

[BlueberrySylv]

oh man is this post what i wanted to see for so long! though sadly my own mind never got the thought of making this post myself. how silly does that sound?

though. for me? i have similar experince, i was horrible. miserable, didnt post a lot but did sometimes and usually was just replying to other's post. though where i lacked in posting i made up in reading. and reading. and reading.
i read so much got so much information about stuff. and then i just made up my mind and i went for it.
but...idk. i was scared.
i wanted to leave. i genuienly did. but i really was scared of what's beyond, i was scared. of how SN would feel. when i was dying.
so i instead just. you know. "tested it"
and then i got even more scared told my mom and then i went under therapy.
and well. i can say therapy was horrible. really horrible. it wasnt even therapy. my family is rather poor. living in a third world country and everything around this family. just sucks. but we love each other a lot and that means something i guess.

but yeah. i went to a psyciatrist. got under meds. the psyciatrist was just ripping my family off. and i felt bad about it...so then at some point we just stopped.

but, at that point i was feeling a lot better too! the meds helped me a lot. now i wish i was gone under therapy too and kept being under meds. because i feel like im not fully recovered. im good enough to say i dont want to ctb even that thought is too far away from me now. but the, broken mind i still have feels like i still have it. that, moody mind, not wanting to do stuff, feeling down sometimes. stuff like that.

but i guess i cant do much about it.
generally speaking though yeah! i am feeling a bunch better. and im glad i was put under meds. it made me feel a lot better and now im here.

i do also think recovery is really plausible. and a lot of people can recover if they just get the right treatment. so i suppose its mostly about that

 

[LostHighway]

I thought this (this thread) could be a nice place for people to meet and share their experiences.

I will share a broad picture of my experience.

I used to post a lot, almost exclusively, in the Suicide section of the site.
I would say that I have grown a lot in the last few years, even if my posts seem similar.

Overall, I had a hard time accepting the fact that I had suffered so much loneliness and traumatic experiences from being a societal outcast and suffering from social anxiety.
I had a hard time accepting I was different, and that my thoughts were different. But now I see that there is value in that. I like who I am.

I have sought therapy and medication to help me, and I feel better.
I am a very recovery-oriented person in the sense that I have gone through a lot, but I am still here.

How are you? You may share a bit of your recovery process if you wish.

I would be happy to hear. I like seeing people getting out of such dark places, as I know very well how desolate and gloomy it is at the bottom.

Back in the day, we used to call social anxiety shyness. I was painfully shy. I was miserable. Then, I managed to accept myself for who I was. I liked who I was deep down - I felt things richly, I loved life, I loved my friends, etc. I eventually got suicidally depressed because of a chemical imbalance in my brain. I started antidepressants and felt SO MUCH BETTER. I encourage anyone here to try them if they haven't already.

 

[byec560]

I feel a lot better. I have friends, family, goals, hobbies, a hopeful path towards employment, etc., but man have I had difficulty adjusting to civilian life so to speak lol. A year and a half ago I lived with my parents, I had a gf who cared about me (or at least seemed to), I lived with two cats and a dog. I thought I was going to be an academic. Most of that is now gone. My gf left me for someone else, I moved out, two of my family pets have died, and academia is dead as fuck. It feels like every trace of my old life has almost disappeared, and that makes me a little melancholic tbh. I remember watching the sun go down thinking that it would be my last time seeing it go down and that I would never see it come up again. I have permanent scars all over my upper arms. On the rare occasion that I talk about some of what I went through, people really don't get it or otherwise just blow me off. Even though I'm a lot more stable on the inside, and sometimes even a little bit happy, my emotions are for the most part muted or dead. I don't believe anything and I rarely feel anything other than mild anger, mild happiness, or moderate bouts of depressed mood. Whenever I make a friend, or do something people might call progress, it doesn't feel like progress at all. I don't trust people, though they are increasingly starting to trust me it seems. People seem so capricious, selfish, and cruel for no reason. I don't have the drive to ctb, but I also question what the point of trying at anything could be. Why socialize when it doesn't make me feel anything other than slight annoyance most of the time? Why do my thesis work when academia is dead? Why find good employment when that employment is just kind of a way to kill time? It feels like the best thing I could possibly have would be someone who cares about me like I thought I had before. But that's not moving forward, that's just moving in circles, and when you move in circles you just wait for the cycle to repeat again. Mad world out there.

I'm not what people picture when they think of a formally suicidal person. I'm not shy and would actually say I'm more confident than most people I meet. I have hobbies. I have friends and some level of relationship experience. I workout and have had multiple people compliment me on my muscle gain. But shit just don't feel right. Idk if this fits the bill for somebody who has recovered, but I would say relative to actively making nooses and trying to find places to hang myself a year ago I'm a bit better.

 

[milquetoast]

i don't know how much i've grown, at some parts i think i did, at others i wish i changed.

i would say i'm feeling better than when i first made this account, i still have ideations but my eating habits have been a tad bit better and my tendency to SH has been lessened, still feel like a useless slob and i'm still laughably bad at properly communicating to people. i often distance myself whenever i'm getting overwhelmed and i still do it, and it costed me a few friendships lately. i get why they'd rather not deal with that.

i'm trying to be more open but its hard, i still very much value my solitude but i'd rather be more tolerable to people around me.

 

[The Disqualified]

so i instead just. you know. "tested it"
and then i got even more scared told my mom and then i went under therapy.

Oof, that sounds horrible. I imagine you got desperate after taking it.

and well. i can say therapy was horrible. really horrible. it wasnt even therapy. my family is rather poor. living in a third world country and everything around this family. just sucks. but we love each other a lot and that means something i guess.

It seems you live in Iran (from your profile); that sounds difficult indeed. I live in a third world country as well, and want to leave it eventually.
Your family sucks? I can understand. My family is very difficult as well.

but yeah. i went to a psyciatrist. got under meds. the psyciatrist was just ripping my family off. and i felt bad about it...so then at some point we just stopped.

but, at that point i was feeling a lot better too! the meds helped me a lot. now i wish i was gone under therapy too and kept being under meds. because i feel like im not fully recovered. im good enough to say i dont want to ctb even that thought is too far away from me now. but the, broken mind i still have feels like i still have it. that, moody mind, not wanting to do stuff, feeling down sometimes. stuff like that.

Yeah. I understand.
I always struggled a lot with anxiety and mood, but I feel better under meds now. I also do therapy.
I also had bad experiences with psychiatrists.

Are you young? If you wish to share that, of course.

but i guess i cant do much about it.
generally speaking though yeah! i am feeling a bunch better. and im glad i was put under meds. it made me feel a lot better and now im here.

i do also think recovery is really plausible. and a lot of people can recover if they just get the right treatment. so i suppose its mostly about that

I am glad you are feeling better <3
Do you have any goals that you look forward to now that you feel better?

Yeah. I think people can recover a lot. I think we just need the right environment and support sometimes.

Feel free to message me.
Sending virtual hugs.

 

[BlueberrySylv]

I am actually 19 currently. halfway through Ninteen. the day I "tried" the sn was somewhere around my 18th birthday so yeah. I guess you can say I am young.

honestly not...really. my goal is to live a comfortable life. with a bit of money a place of my own. some friends. and just enjoy my life. I don't really want nothing more than that, never really did.

but yes! I am living in Iran. one of my wishes is to leave this place too. if I ever could do that.
or for this place to get just better. getting out of this third world country thing.

but I've been growing. learning. doing things. being a chud. I suppose. so I have been halfway living. and that's something

I do also have some problems with anxiety. recently I found some prescribed meds to help anxiety. now I know I shouldn't be taking stuff I find. but I did some research and apparently they're not all too bad. I took one tablet. and today I have been feeling so much better. my muscle spasms are gone my eye twitching too and I felt far less anxious. so perhaps I have some kind of anxiety disorder too.

<3 thank you for the hugs too!! sneding more hugs right back at you...ofc