I am feeling super anxious, and I'm trying to convince myself not to cut. I've tried for weeks now and it's worked. I've replaced the habit with positive ones. I jog instead and it helps me for the day. I cry instead and it helps me for the day or night. But it's only going to work for so long and I don't have a therapist and those stupid methods don't work, no a fucking ice isn't the same as the bleeding and pain. It would feel so much better, but I'd be disappointing myself and that would be like taking a step back from all my progress, right? What do I do? My nightmares are back and those annoying fucking thoughts that makes me think the worst possible thing is back. I just want to be happy and normal, why is it so fucking hard? I want to experience life and all the happy shit without the constant anxiety ruining it. I want to have a normal fucking conversation without ruining it AND overthinking later. Or convince me to. Who knows? It's not like I'm addicted, I just do it a couple times a year. And when the urge comes, it's impossible to not just do it and feel better but it's a cycle cuz then every little thing will set me off to do it and I'll do it constantly in a week or 2 time period then stop again for months and we'll be back here again months later.
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