Story Another day without a binge

[strawberrypinkloves]

I had dessert for another celebration within my family. I ate a huge slice of chocolate cake. After eating it, I felt the worst I've felt in a while. I constantly kept checking my body in the mirror, I measured my waistline, again and again and again. It felt like I burned a hole in my stomach, and I felt like shit. But, I think I'm happy with myself in a way. No matter how bad I felt, how badly I wanted to feel the bile rise up from my throat I didn't throw it back up. Nor did I eat the entire cake. I still had a lot more than I'm proud of. I want to someday eat and feel happy afterwards, but can't help the never ending misery that comes with it. I still feel terrible, but atleast I didn't mess everything up. I hope that tomorrow I can go back to eating how I normally do. Once I build more muscle or atleast feel a little less worse my goal will be to stop all of these body checks. I refuse to let myself fall back into a b/p cycle.

 

[foggyskies_]

Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you! Even if you regret it, slowly retraining yourself to healthier behaviors is a good sign that you WILL find happiness in recovery one day. It's alright if you still have to rely on restricting for a while, because the small steps in the right direction will add up. Props to you for showing the binge/purge urges who's boss!

 

[strawberrypinkloves]

Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you! Even if you regret it, slowly retraining yourself to healthier behaviors is a good sign that you WILL find happiness in recovery one day. It's alright if you still have to rely on restricting for a while, because the small steps in the right direction will add up. Props to you for showing the binge/purge urges who's boss!

Thank you so much <333 I've recently tried to lower my restrictions and eating a bit of my fear food so I don't binge on it. It's a tough thing to do, but I think I'm doing much better at it.

 

[foggyskies_]

Of course! And it's really good that you're tackling fear foods!

Do you enjoy cooking? Even if you're not gonna eat it yourself, tackling new and fun recipes could help expand what foods you're comfortable with? Just a thought.

But yeah, you're doing great!

 

[strawberrypinkloves]

Of course! And it's really good that you're tackling fear foods!

Do you enjoy cooking? Even if you're not gonna eat it yourself, tackling new and fun recipes could help expand what foods you're comfortable with? Just a thought.

But yeah, you're doing great!

I ironically found that I am good at cooking because of my ED making me less inclined to eat food others have made. It makes me laugh when I think about it- but I do enjoy it :). I like making healthier recipes. Thank you <3