TheGoodGuy
Illuminated
- Aug 27, 2018
- 3,069
I turned 26 in April but this thread isn´t about that more about the perception of time and reality.
My best/worst time of the day is when waking up and opening a window from a room that has been seeled all night, the smelling sense feels so much more intuned with the smells of nature and it brings me more back to reality instead of being in this apathetic derealization mindplace although not by much. I just woke up it´s 8am and it´s raining which makes the smell of nature more nostalgic.
As I stood by the window and took in the smells and nice cool breeze it feels as if I think more rationally and it really dawns on me that I am in fact 26 years old, where did all that time go? I seriously can´t believe it I am not just saying this to be dramatic I SERIOUSLY don´t believe where all those years went mainly the last six years it still feels as if I were in my early twenties but I am nearing 30.
As I mentioned the smells from the outdoors when I first open my window is "nostalgic" I say that in quotes because I usually can´t feel the emotions of nostalgia but when opening the window after just waking up can ignite small sparks of nostalgia all the way back from my childhood and as I mentioned these smells and feelings makes me snap out of the apathetic derealization state I usually am in and I can think more rationally and it really dawns on me that I in fact have to kill myself I am broken beyond repair I try to keep coming up with ideas how to fix myself almost like you see in movies where a genious will map out math solutions they see in front of them but everytime I try there is no escape I am checkmate.
My life ended a long time ago and I really realize this more than ever when standing in the window inhaling the nostalgic smells of the past, again I can´t believe I am 26 I still feel like a teenager if I was told I was 18 that would make more sense but 26 oh my god I can´t believe how old I have gotten..
My best/worst time of the day is when waking up and opening a window from a room that has been seeled all night, the smelling sense feels so much more intuned with the smells of nature and it brings me more back to reality instead of being in this apathetic derealization mindplace although not by much. I just woke up it´s 8am and it´s raining which makes the smell of nature more nostalgic.
As I stood by the window and took in the smells and nice cool breeze it feels as if I think more rationally and it really dawns on me that I am in fact 26 years old, where did all that time go? I seriously can´t believe it I am not just saying this to be dramatic I SERIOUSLY don´t believe where all those years went mainly the last six years it still feels as if I were in my early twenties but I am nearing 30.
As I mentioned the smells from the outdoors when I first open my window is "nostalgic" I say that in quotes because I usually can´t feel the emotions of nostalgia but when opening the window after just waking up can ignite small sparks of nostalgia all the way back from my childhood and as I mentioned these smells and feelings makes me snap out of the apathetic derealization state I usually am in and I can think more rationally and it really dawns on me that I in fact have to kill myself I am broken beyond repair I try to keep coming up with ideas how to fix myself almost like you see in movies where a genious will map out math solutions they see in front of them but everytime I try there is no escape I am checkmate.
My life ended a long time ago and I really realize this more than ever when standing in the window inhaling the nostalgic smells of the past, again I can´t believe I am 26 I still feel like a teenager if I was told I was 18 that would make more sense but 26 oh my god I can´t believe how old I have gotten..
