Am i wired wrong?

[Carlotta16]

I don't know if im 'wired' wrong or what, but I don't see why ctb for me is such a huge deal. No one actually cares anyway if I do or don't (if they did they would care.whilst I was still alive) but it's this that is stopping me from ctb. I have everything I need yet it's looked at as such a big thing that it scares me. Don't get me wrong I understand it's a huge deal for other people, but it's not for me. I just see it as an inevitable event that is going to happen sooner or later and I don't know why I am stopping myself because of the way society sees it. I'm basically just floating in life. Nothing is getting better and it's not going to as I can't undo the situations that I'm in just as much as I can't live with them either. I wish I could just fast forward a few years so I've already done it and the one person I have has moved on and is happy. I don't think for one second that my death will affect anyone else. So why am I so scared? The feeling (or not) of just nothing appeals to me so much, so why do I torture myself by staying?

 

[FuneralCry]

All that I want is non existence as well. There is absolutely nothing here for me in this world. I do not see my death as being a huge deal as well, my life and death are both so insignificant, as after all, all humans will die eventually and be forgotten about. I believe that for many people it can be difficult to let go of this life as we are programmed to survive and this existence is all we know. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

It feels like I'm just floating in life too. For me personally, I think my death will affect quite a few people, but that is only because they love the person that they think I am, since most of them don't know the real me. They don't know about the angry and mentally unstable asshole that I am in real life, so they'll be grieving for the loss of someone who's already been dead for a while.

The idea of doing it scares me sometimes too, but I know the day is coming regardless. I wish there was a way for things to get better in your life, so that suicide didn't have to be this inevitable storm cloud looming overhead, but I know that isn't possible for everyone.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I don't know if im 'wired' wrong or what, but I don't see why ctb for me is such a huge deal. No one actually cares anyway if I do or don't (if they did they would care.whilst I was still alive) but it's this that is stopping me from ctb. I have everything I need yet it's looked at as such a big thing that it scares me. Don't get me wrong I understand it's a huge deal for other people, but it's not for me. I just see it as an inevitable event that is going to happen sooner or later and I don't know why I am stopping myself because of the way society sees it. I'm basically just floating in life. Nothing is getting better and it's not going to as I can't undo the situations that I'm in just as much as I can't live with them either. I wish I could just fast forward a few years so I've already done it and the one person I have has moved on and is happy. I don't think for one second that my death will affect anyone else. So why am I so scared? The feeling (or not) of just nothing appeals to me so much, so why do I torture myself by staying?

You seem to have mentally prepared yourself. Do you lack confidence in your method?

 

[NoLightRemains]

It feels like I'm just floating in life too. For me personally, I think my death will affect quite a few people, but that is only because they love the person that they think I am, since most of them don't know the real me. They don't know about the angry and mentally unstable asshole that I am in real life, so they'll be grieving for the loss of someone who's already been dead for a while.

The idea of doing it scares me sometimes too, but I know the day is coming regardless. I wish there was a way for things to get better in your life, so that suicide didn't have to be this inevitable storm cloud looming overhead, but I know that isn't possible for everyone.

Well said, I completely agree. I also feel like my death will affect a great deal of people strongly. But it really is just their "idea" of me, or the old me before I snapped a couple years ago.

 

[Carlotta16]

You seem to have mentally prepared yourself. Do you lack confidence in your method?

No my method is SN so I'm quite confidant