See! That's why I refused ketamine while inpatient because I was afraid it would be an awful experience given the circumstances I was in. The psychiatrist marked me as "too combative to accept treatment" for it too haaaa
I can only say that if I had to choose any antidepressant method (pills, ECT or whatever), it would be ketamine. It was the only thing that had any effect at all for me. However, as already mentioned, it also had the completely opposite effect at times so I was extremely suicidal. I think it also depends on your environment and how you process what you have experienced afterwards. There are ketamine therapies with follow-up counselling, but that's not available here, and I think I could have benefited from it afterwards rather than keeping all that crazy stuff to myself.
If someone in real life told me they weren't having any luck with the usual treatments, I would definitely recommend it. However, it was no walk in the park. Afterwards, I felt like I'd been run over, vulnerable, and my insomnia was way worse than usual. Oh, and I had a panic attack during the infusion once, but I was able to calm myself down again.
Edit: I should probably clarify that 'dying' / k-holing didn't necessarily feel bad. Maybe that was what made me more suicidal lol.
How long/how many treatments did you receive?
I had weekly (1) infusions for six weeks. After that, you normally only have a single "booster", but I had another six after a year.