Venting all roads lead to the same place

[REGRETOSIS]

I feel like everything I do is prolonging the one thing I know is going to happen
I knew I've needed to die since I was young, maybe around 10. I dont think I've ever impulsively attempted, I feel like at some point I just had a quiet realization that life isn't for me and I know I need to die.
For my entire life I had a feeling I'm on a set path, and nothing I can do is going to change the outcome at the end of the path. or perhaps, the only thing I CAN do to affect the path is CTB, which is why it'll end up leading to that outcome. Otherwise everything is going to stay the same forever and I'll keep going through the motions endlessly and mindlessly
I need to escape oh so desperately
I have to

It'll be the only decision I'll ever make to impact my life in some meaningful way, to genuinely change things
It'll happen one way or another even If I don't think it will. because at the end of the day all roads lead to the same place

 

[hurts2b]

Often feel this same way. Or at the very least that I'm more likely to do it than not. I'm sorry. It's a horribly hopeless place to be.

 

[ZeroRedz02]

Me too i feel this too, my only interest in this life is to CTB, because i feel useless and that's it.