after you decided to ctb...do you steel have fear and anixiety ?

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

im not taking about the fear of death or an eventual afterlive but about everyday things like social interactions, consequences of risky behavior or sanctions of crimes? sth like that

 

[Jen Erik]

I imagine I'll have anxiety until the day I die. I do feel less anxious, though, having my method sorted out and materials.

I'm still behaving as if I might not die, even though I have decided to ctb, because I can't predict the future; it is highly unlikely my situation will improve enough to not want to ctb, but just in case it does, I don't want to be stuck in some mess I made because I assumed I was going to be dead.

 

[Smilla]

Yes, and I worry incessantly about leaving mess of my affairs. Was hoping for a feeling of peace but it's eluding me, except in small doses here and there.

I think I will have a feeling of peace when all my tasks are complete, and I am actually in the hotel room with my apparatus set up.

In the meantime, life is still hellish and i dread talking to anyone outside of this site.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

Yeah, I still do have fear and anxiety. And there is also an added fear amd anxiety of getting caught before I get to ctb and being restricted in some way top prevent me from doing it

 

[Redt2go]

Yes but not about dying. I'm still stressing about the stigma that will be attached to my parents and how they'll be treated after my death. So I'm stressed about how to do it with out it being traceable

 

[DeadlyLiving]

I am suffering from social anxiety and while I still have major problems with going to the supermarket, taking the train and social interactions in generell, I started to have more control over myself because "I am dead soon anyway, so why should I care what they think?".
I was actually really proud a few days ago when someone was insulting me and my dog because she was barking and I could stand my ground and shouted back at them, instead of acting like I didn't hear them (had my headphones on)

 

[RememberWhatUCameFor]

Yes but not about dying. I'm still stressing about the stigma that will be attached to my parents and how they'll be treated after my death. So I'm stressed about how to do it with out it being traceable

what do you mean with traceable

 

[Hopeless_soul]

Now that I know that I will ctb soon, I feel pretty strange. The guilt of being a failure has vanished, but when I mentalise myself about disappearing forever, I feel calm and weird at the same time. Like in a constant derealisation state. I don't care anymore what people think about me though.

 

[Redt2go]

what do you mean with traceable

Something they'll know was a suicide via autopsy or other

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Now that I know how I'll CTB I feel anxious to get it over and done with.

 

[TheCrow]

Now that I know how I'll CTB I feel anxious to get it over and done with.

Yeah, me too. Method of choice, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[lost illusions]

I've opened up a lot. What's going to happen, someone try to hurt me, lie to, kill me? Fuck it, bring it. I've met some cool folks on here too. Some just need a little different look at what problems they have. If someone is just stuck but they want out of this mind set, it usually doesn't take much to get unstuck. There is no help for someone who wants to be stuck.

After life, hum? I will probably end up in hell. If not surprise me then

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I've opened up a lot. What's going to happen, someone try to hurt me, lie to, kill me? Fuck it, bring it. I've met some cool folks on here too. Some just need a little different look at what problems they have. If someone is just stuck but they want out of this mind set, it usually doesn't take much to get unstuck. There is no help for someone who wants to be stuck.

After life, hum? I will probably end up in hell. If not surprise me then

Personally I rather be annihilated (not exist) then go to hell sure I try to remain unstuck but truth be told for as long as I am alive I will always want to die no matter even if I talk to a therapist or pyschiatrist or whatever but for the sake of not CTB I decided to live even if I want to die I think I'd be better off dead at times I don't have a future it seems only the past and the present this mind and body I have is the best ally and the worst enemy not border line personality disorder borderline reality without that moderation or the exchange of powers or neutrals or in between the extremes.

 

[lost illusions]

Personally I rather be annihilated (not exist) then go to hell sure I try to remain unstuck but truth be told for as long as I am alive I will always want to die no matter even if I talk to a therapist or pyschiatrist or whatever but for the sake of not CTB I decided to live even if I want to die I think I'd be better off dead at times I don't have a future it seems only the past and the present this mind and body I have is the best ally and the worst enemy not border line personality disorder borderline reality without that moderation or the exchange of powers or neutrals or in between the extremes.

Your strength and future is in the love of your fam and friends

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Your strength is in the

Mind? My strength within myself is that I couldn't even kill myself that was the original intention when I was drinking alcohol and when that breaking point hit, shit, I went to the CVS to buy 32 Benadryls I didn't know it was Benadryl at the time but I realized I took the wrong sleeping pills and not enough to kill myself with due to the panic and regret and the survival instincts kicked in but hey at least I am still alive what doesn't kill you makes you stronger yeah right but hey at least I am talking to you. You don't bother me I just want to see how life plays out unless I really reach that breaking point again I live in Madison, Wi and keep myself alive for now.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Yeah, me too. Method of choice, if you don't mind me asking?

Opiate OD. How about you?

 

[TheCrow]

Opiate OD. How about you?

Nitrogen & exit bag

 

[mattwitt]

It comes and goes.

 

[oggie the weirdo]

it's interesting you pose this because I think I've been using the mere thought of ctb as an anxiety relief. It just calms my nerves knowing there is a way all these fears can disappear forever.
Unfortunately or fortunately, idk, I just haven't made that final decision to ctb or not and to be honest I wish I didn't have to ctb. I wish all my little dreams and wishes would come true and my life would work out, but the fear it won't happen can be overwhelming... and that's why I'm here.