After a party feeling suicidal

[noname223]

My best friend had a party today. My best friend with his gf, and other close friends were invited. I am so jealous because my friend and his gf showed their love very often. They kissed themselves and huged themselves. All my last attempts to find a gf failed greatly due to my illness.
Everyone of my friends attends University or similar. I am the only wreck. My life is so destroyed. Just because I was physically abused by my mom when I was a child.
Life is so cynical I am punished for being abused as a child with severely mental illnessess. This is why I wanna ctb. This is so unbelievable unfair. When I am at peace I will forget everything. But it is so hard to ctb.
I become more and more frustrated and resentful.
In my future everything becomes just worse. Poverty seems unavoidable. I am so unhappy.
Currently I am listening to Linkin Park. Love you Chester :)
This is living hell. I feel sympathy for people who know this feeling.
Hugs! :)

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I made the mistake of taking a long walk through the city, the stroller-pushing sun-absorbing cutesie couples might as well wield baseball bats and bash my balls in.

 

[Seiko]

Going to events with "normal people" and witnessing all the things you don't have is suicide fuel.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I intentionally wear my glasses as infrequently as I can afford to (my vision is terrible) and totally avoid looking at people when outside in an attempt to to avoid these negative thoughts. Because I know if I see people enjoying life it will upset me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is cruel and unfair. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. Seeing the way others are can make us aware of how hopeless our situations are. It is why I keep my distance.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I intentionally wear my glasses as infrequently as I can afford to (my vision is terrible) and totally avoid looking at people when outside in an attempt to to avoid these negative thoughts. Because I know if I see people enjoying life it will upset me.

Thank you for sharing this. I do this too, to avoid seeing the world with clarity or even seeing my own reflection in the mirror. I am horribly near-sighted and it's so much more pleasant and easier on my mental health to only see everything around me (including myself) as fuzzy, blurry blobs. I'm sorry life is so unhappy for you but it's comforting to know I'm not the only person who purposely doesn't wear their glasses in an effort to lessen the negative feelings that come from seeing the world clearly.

 

[Versailles]

Some time ago I learned not to be affected by this kind of thing, sometimes cheap sex and alcohol become a solution for me, even the feeling of emptiness that I have has reached a point where it no longer affects me as much as before , and to think that I am alone sometimes can be an advantage for me.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Sounds super shitty. I relate. I went to a lake today and saw so many people with so much more than I have. It really sucks so bad.