Afraid of what happens after death

[Exedra]

Heya, been on this forum for a little while but finally made an account yesterday.

Recently things have been going downhill rapidly, but knowing that there's a pretty much guaranteed way to go out has helped calm me down. The idea that I can choose to make everything stop whenever I need to is very calming and it's been helping with my anxiety a lot.

The only thing I'm scared of is what happens afterwards. What if hell is real and it's going to be even worse? What if spirits are real and you're left wandering the same world, with the same thoughts and memories and regrets, just without other people knowing? What if reincarnation is real? I don't want to do this all over again, whether I consciously know I was rebirthed or not. What if it's an endless void where all that's there is your regrets, and all you can do is think about all of your failures, being unable to change anything for the rest of eternity? What if committing suicide really will make the afterlife worse for you?

My ideal scenario after death would be to get to make your own little perfect world, just for you. I get to pick who's in it and who isn't, getting a do-over on certain aspects of my life, like a visual novel where I get to go back to a previous memory and choose a better option so it can replace the original bad memory with a good one.

I would try harder in school and not drop out.
I wouldn't tell my mom I hated her that one time.
I would stand up for my brother when my dad was choking him and my mom didn't do anything.
I wouldn't get into a serious relationship at age 13.

I don't know how to get over the fear of what happens after. I'm not scared of death itself at all, I'm quite looking forward to it now that I know of an easy and reliable way (SN). I just really don't want things to somehow be even worse in the end.

The only things keeping me here right now are the fact that I know people would be shattered to find out I'm not there anymore, and my fear of the afterlife.

 

[Macedonian1987]

My mother says that if I ctb I will wander the earth like a ghost unseen and unable to interact with anyone.

Well I'm alive and I'm already unseen by 95% of people and I don't interact with 99% of them

Of course I don't believe in this old-fashioned belief that she has. She is in her 70s btw.

 

[Topaz111]

I fear this too and have the same hope for what happens after I pass as well.
A paradise where I get to experience whatever good things I desire.
But, despite quitting Christianity at a very young age, now when face with death I feel myself very worried about the possibility of hell again, regardless of how unlikely I see it to be true.
It's really strange to me as I wasn't concerned about this at all during my previous attempts.

 

[Exedra]

I fear this too and have the same hope for what happens after I pass as well.
A paradise where I get to experience whatever good things I desire.
But, despite quitting Christianity at a very young age, now when face with death I feel myself very worried about the possibility of hell again, regardless of how unlikely I see it to be true.
It's really strange to me as I wasn't concerned about this at all during my previous attempts.

I also went to a Christian elementary school and quit it afterwards. It's hard to fully get stuff like that out of your brain once you've basically been indoctrinated with it, I feel like.
It's nice to know there's someone out there that has the same hopes and fears

My mother says that if I ctb I will wander the earth like a ghost unseen and unable to interact with anyone.

Well I'm alive and I'm already unseen by 95% of people and I don't interact with 99% of them

Of course I don't believe in this old-fashioned belief that she has. She is in her 70s btw.

What do you believe happens? What do you hope will happen? I see you and I'd love to know what you think too

 

[charlavail]

My mother says that if I ctb I will wander the earth like a ghost unseen and unable to interact with anyone.

Well I'm alive and I'm already unseen by 95% of people and I don't interact with 99% of them

Of course I don't believe in this old-fashioned belief that she has. She is in her 70s btw.

I fear this too and have the same hope for what happens after I pass as well.
A paradise where I get to experience whatever good things I desire.
But, despite quitting Christianity at a very young age, now when face with death I feel myself very worried about the possibility of hell again, regardless of how unlikely I see it to be true.
It's really strange to me as I wasn't concerned about this at all during my previous attempts.

I'm of the belief that if there IS a God, there's not way he's not welcoming us into heaven and saying some nice god version of "sorry it sucked down there, welcome" and if god isn't merciful and accepting like that then i don't want him.

however, i think it's just nothing after death. it's like how you don't remember anything from before birth.

 

[AdeptFenster8773]

I like the idea of reincarnation or some kind of another shot at life, maybe a redo of this life but preferably I would live as another person entirely.

 

[fedup1982]

I hate to burst your bubble but dying is very hard anyway. It's usually easier to just live. You're so consumed about the afterlife but it's not a realistic short term goal at all anyway

 

[chelpus]

Hey there, I'd just like to share my personal opinion about this, and I hope this would help you find some comfort from your fear of what lies ahead of us after death.

What if hell is real and it's going to be even worse? What if spirits are real and you're left wandering the same world, with the same thoughts and memories and regrets, just without other people knowing?

I believe that we are very physical beings. Our ability to make up the world around us, our memories, our emotions, and everything else that makes up who we are, are all tied to our physical brain. There are people who get brain injuries ending up losing their memories and their ability to form new ones (https://allthatsinteresting.com/michelle-philpots), there are people who have gone through split-brain surgeries and their ability to make up this world seemed to have been split like there's two conscious minds in their head that interpret the world in a different way (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7305066), there are people who get an eye injury and lose their vision, etc. Every single ability we have to make up and understand this world around us are tied to our physical bodies, the chemistry going on in our brain are what fuels us to feel emotion, and our ability to even think about these are also tied to our physical brain. I believe that it is impossible to be a ghost that roams around this world, or experience any kind of afterlife like hell or heaven, because when I die, there wouldn't be a "me" to experience any of it, everything that makes up who I am will be erased. Without my body, I am nothing.

What if it's an endless void where all that's there is your regrets, and all you can do is think about all of your failures, being unable to change anything for the rest of eternity? What if committing suicide really will make the afterlife worse for you?

I believe that my previous explanation of how we are tied to our physical brain makes it impossible for us to have emotions, have memories, or to even have the ability to think in an endless void. Another thing that I'd like to add, is how people who get unconscious do not experience any kind of void and instead feel like they just skipped through time, which suggests that you can not experience any second of being in an endless void if you can not even experience the passage of time. Quoting from my previous post,
"
Unconsciousness is described to be complete nothingness. Those who had experienced being put under anesthesia describe it as closing their eyes for a short moment and then suddenly opening their eyes to when a few hours had already passed, while those who had gone unconscious during a failed suicide attempt describe unconsciousness in a similar way, as member @VegasLyra puts it, "It was a direct jump from putting the rope around my neck to being on the ground in pain."
This has given me the realization that time is subjective, it only exists because I'm here to experience it, it exists because I do. The passage of time is a prison that I am put through by my own existence.
"

What if reincarnation is real? I don't want to do this all over again, whether I consciously know I was rebirthed or not.

Now this is interesting. I've written a thread about this, and I hope it would help you find some comfort:

Realizing the tragedy of the universe

This is a continuation to my initial post. I'm happy to say that I have answered my own question, and I have found peace in my death. What comes with this is realizing the tragedy of the universe, and I may not have the ability to put an end to it, but at least I can put an end to my own...

sanctioned-suicide.net

But as a TLDR, you shouldn't worry about reincarnation, because you are looking to CTB as you are tired of dealing with the suffering you go through within this life, and you want to rest. Even if it was possible to be reincarnated in a different universe, with a different timeline that lead to your birth, and as a different life form, that can not be considered you experiencing that life, because what makes up who you are right now are tied to your physical existence in this world, and by choosing to end it, the you who is tired will be put to rest for eternity.

I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[The Dead Line]

if there is a law against watching TV everyone would be scared to break it. We have been programed to feel afraid of the next life to stay alive.

 

[burninghill]

I used to wholeheartedly believe in reincarnation, fear of after death wasn't even a thing for me. That was until I tried to kill myself and what got me to stand the fuck up was that I started to worry that after death is just… nothing. That's my worst nightmare.

Your SI will do anything to get you to stop, it's really weird.
I'm definitely scared of what happens after death now. If my body thinks there's nothing then I'm sure there's something important about that.

 

[telekon]

I'm of the belief that if there IS a God, there's not way he's not welcoming us into heaven and saying some nice god version of "sorry it sucked down there, welcome" and if god isn't merciful and accepting like that then i don't want him.

however, i think it's just nothing after death. it's like how you don't remember anything from before birth.

I'm in the camp that God loves the suicidal, and possibly only the suicidal... The Bible is full of people who want to die and the people who are happy in this world are happy because satan is the god of this world, so obviously they are with him and not God.

There are some theories that "satan" is simply fear itself and it comes from the planet saturn (e.g., saturn representing fear and insecurity in astrology) and so I think in actually committing suicide, maybe we are giving in to a fear; of life itself. So we have to face this energy head-on, and it's just hard. Life is so oppressive and it feels like it suffocates you, but you just have to do it anyways.

I think god wants us to live through this no matter how painful. He probably abhors anyone who isn't suicidal.

 

[Macedonian1987]

What do you believe happens? What do you hope will happen? I see you and I'd love to know what you think too

I believe that after death we get a huge relief by being unburdened by the things that drove us to commit suicide. For me the things that drove me to suicide are many: loveless life, poor health at a young age, chronic fatigue, feeling like i dont belong in this world, never having a single friend and avoided by all like i have the plague.

 

[shinitai-chan]

my theory is: since we are constantly able to feel the present moment throughout our entire lives, it means that after death our consciousness doesn't just stop existing. if you look at the world as an already-recorded film that is playing right now, how can you feel what you're feeling if your death is already recorded on that film?
a simple example: sometimes you wake up, talk to people, walk around doing something, and then fall asleep again. and when you finally wake up properly, you have zero memory of that earlier awakening. it's completely erased from your head. meanwhile, other people who saw you tell you that you were awake, you were talking to them, walking doing stuff, but in your mind there's not even a hint of it. it's hard for me to put this into words tbh, but my point is: a lived moment with the memory of it lost after losing consciousness → a lived life, but with the memory of it not lost after death that already happened.
i hope someone understands what i'm actually trying to say. this is how i see 'life', and i'm 99% sure that i won't disappear after i die. that's why dying doesn't scare me as much as it probably should tbh. also, i'm not afraid of the afterlife because of that. wouldn't it actually be really good to not disappear? to leave this prison — this hated world and this hated body — but continue existing in some other form?
my less realistic theory: maybe it's because when i kill myself, while i'm annihilating my physical body, my 'soul' will still be able to exist. because of that, it won't disappear (same for other people who ctb). whereas people who die from accidents, illness, or old age — at the moment of death their 'soul' is already exhausted and wounded. why would it continue existing if it has already accepted that it will disappear soon when it's dying slowly and painfully or being unable to resist that sudden annihilation of the body it was in?
i'll connect both of my theories with one more: right now i feel what's happening because i will kill myself. most people who die for reasons beyond their control don't feel anything at this moment and they are only able to act, walk and talk like programs, robots.

so here are my thoughts on the afterlife and i think i really want to see it

UPD: i think i forgot to add that part: "we are constantly feeling our past, the past always exists in our memory. how can life not disappear from our future memories when we die? our 'soul' is infinite", sorry, i'm tired from typing all that, english is haardd for me

 

[Deathcrvsh]

I suppose what happens is what happened before life: nothing.

 

[nocturnal123]

I don't think there is any afterlife. What we feel and see are due to the processes/reactions that take place within our brain. Once the brain is shut off there should be nothing.

 

[anopenwound]

Ill quote myself from another thread, dear fellow basil-propic user:

If we are something, we are energy. The electricity running around the universe generating life of all forms. This vessel dies, another one will come up. This vessel's memories, cares, feelings, all of it, will perish forever and will never come back. Yet we don't die. Not really.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that regardless of how it happens, when we're gone, as individuals, we're gone forever, but it's not a big deal 'cause in a broader sense life itself doesn't end, time is only ours to be perceived - therefore life just is, never was, will never end, never started. It's all good. This vessel is pained and tired and broken. This vessel, this individual, me, wants peace. I don't mind whatever else is in store. It's just me, myself, that's seeking for relief. I'll place whatever energy brought me here into the hands of fate, the will of the universe. I'll be fine. Us, the entire concept of existence, the breathing soft animal that we're all infinitely miniscule atoms of will carry on.

 

[bipolar22]

Nothing hsppens of course we been dead for infinity before we were born. Diddnt bother us. Quite the opposite. Life is a tiny short blib between being dead. And its coming anyway first off and secondly its the most natural state to be in. Non-existent. What the universe is meant to be. It expends. Entropy. Either way you want be there so you can't feel anything or even know you ever lived so it will be just like before in 1888. Do we miss not being alive in 1888? Not me. Im glad. Life sucked then im sure.