Hi. I've had a really tough time since Covid hit. I'd jumped about jobs for about 10 years or so then got a great job at my local airport where I was for 4 years. Covid put me on furlough. 3 months later my dad died, I saw him each day in hospital slowly waiting for the inevitable, not able to have a proper goodbye. I then lost my job.
2 months later I landed what I believe was my dream job. Working for the police doing plans of crime scenes etc. It was so quiet though due to Covid and very boring. I was sitting watching YouTube all day. This went on for months and although I have a great life outside of work I was still ungrateful and decided I needed to better myself. I took a job further away doing totally different work. For not much extra pay, further commute etc. I didn't do my proper homework basically. My first day i instantly regretted the decision and suffered horrendous anxiety for 2 months until I quit. I was sick for about 5 weeks but due to the fear of unemployment I returned there. I only lasted 2 weeks before my boss suggested I leave as I was too stressed. They offered no support, just got rid of me. I worry about a bad reference also now and the stigma of not working.
I'm now unemployed and have a great support network and loving partner and mum. I have been seen by a crisis team daily as I have talked about taking my life and have even driven to a cliff and a rail track. I haven't again since but am googling more and more about efficient ways to end my life. I will never get another job like that and I feel like I will be forever unhappy.
I have spent all morning on this site reading about ways to die etc. and it is really beginning to scare me that it feels like an option. I have tried counselling etc but I know in my heart what is wrong. Medication does not help either.
I just wanted some people's opinions on the matter.
Thanks.
2 months later I landed what I believe was my dream job. Working for the police doing plans of crime scenes etc. It was so quiet though due to Covid and very boring. I was sitting watching YouTube all day. This went on for months and although I have a great life outside of work I was still ungrateful and decided I needed to better myself. I took a job further away doing totally different work. For not much extra pay, further commute etc. I didn't do my proper homework basically. My first day i instantly regretted the decision and suffered horrendous anxiety for 2 months until I quit. I was sick for about 5 weeks but due to the fear of unemployment I returned there. I only lasted 2 weeks before my boss suggested I leave as I was too stressed. They offered no support, just got rid of me. I worry about a bad reference also now and the stigma of not working.
I'm now unemployed and have a great support network and loving partner and mum. I have been seen by a crisis team daily as I have talked about taking my life and have even driven to a cliff and a rail track. I haven't again since but am googling more and more about efficient ways to end my life. I will never get another job like that and I feel like I will be forever unhappy.
I have spent all morning on this site reading about ways to die etc. and it is really beginning to scare me that it feels like an option. I have tried counselling etc but I know in my heart what is wrong. Medication does not help either.
I just wanted some people's opinions on the matter.
Thanks.
