A woman facing prison, thinking about ctb once again

[Ob La Dee]

For a while I thought I was done with all this suicide business. After scrolling through this site I realized how hard it is to successfully commit suicide so I gave up on the idea. Short of a firearm (don't have one and don't know how to use one) or jumping in front of a speeding train (messy and not guaranteed) I can't find a method that is at least 99% definite.

A bit about me: I'm currently living on SSI (disability $794 a month) and food stamps (about $200 a month). A year ago my daughter convinced me to open up a joint bank account with her. She told me it would help me with my credit score. After a year of her paychecks going into and out of the account, not only did I learn that it wouldn't help me with my credit score, but I also learned that if social security or social services finds out about this account (quite possible even though it's now been closed) I run the risk of losing my benefits and even being charged with welfare fraud (a felony punishable by up to 7 years in prison and a lifetime label of felon. Good luck getting a job). The state won't care about the fact that this was my daughter's money going in and out of that account. If I had access to it it's considered my income. Unreported income.

Now everyday I'm living in fear that the police are going to show up and arrest me. When the mail comes I dread finding a letter from social security or social services requesting past bank statements. I just can't live like this anymore.

I was seriously considering sodium nitrite a couple of months ago but I had a very hard time finding it here in the U.S. I wrote a lengthy suicide note to my children and posted it here looking for advice on how to improve it. I received many replies and when all was said and done I changed my mind about ctb and checked myself into a hospital. I spent 12 days there and was discharged into the sober house where I've lived for the past 18 months. I have nowhere else to go.

Three of my five children have stopped speaking to me. They are fed up with my mental illness and my suicidal behavior. Of I lose my benefits I will be homeless and panhandling. I can't seem to hold down a job. I beyond fed up with my life. Please advise.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Cancel the joint account. Checks were in her name...the account will be able to show that it wasn't your money.

Don't worry about getting into trouble. If you do get questioned they can look up your social security number and see that you haven't been earning income.

Your situation sounds really hard. I'm sorry to hear. SN in the US is not that hard to find compared to some other countries. Take care.

 

[Ob La Dee]

I had a very hard time finding quality SN. I did find a product, but it got very bad reviews so I sent it back.

My situation is a little more complicated than I made it seem in my original post. I didn't go into every detail at length because I didn't want to bore everyone to death lol.

I did go through a recertification for both food stamps and SSI while the account was still open and I wasn't flagged, so I'm hanging on to some small hope. Unfortunately it's very small, and if I'm ever asked to produce those bank account statements I will drive to the nearest train station and ctb with my neck on the tracks. It's as simple as that.

 

[sadpinky]

I had a very hard time finding quality SN. I did find a product, but it got very bad reviews so I sent it back.

My situation is a little more complicated than I made it seem in my original post. I didn't go into every detail at length because I didn't want to bore everyone to death lol.

I did go through a recertification for both food stamps and SSI while the account was still open and I wasn't flagged, so I'm hanging on to some small hope. Unfortunately it's very small, and if I'm ever asked to produce those bank account statements I will drive to the nearest train station and ctb with my neck on the tracks. It's as simple as that.

I found it

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

When our lives are fucked up we have to think more short-term, tbh. Thinking about being unemployable in several years time isn't doing you any favors. Remember that everything is just sensations coming in, and that you probably won't get tortured by anyone.

 

[NormaJeane]

For a while I thought I was done with all this suicide business. After scrolling through this site I realized how hard it is to successfully commit suicide so I gave up on the idea. Short of a firearm (don't have one and don't know how to use one) or jumping in front of a speeding train (messy and not guaranteed) I can't find a method that is at least 99% definite.

A bit about me: I'm currently living on SSI (disability $794 a month) and food stamps (about $200 a month). A year ago my daughter convinced me to open up a joint bank account with her. She told me it would help me with my credit score. After a year of her paychecks going into and out of the account, not only did I learn that it wouldn't help me with my credit score, but I also learned that if social security or social services finds out about this account (quite possible even though it's now been closed) I run the risk of losing my benefits and even being charged with welfare fraud (a felony punishable by up to 7 years in prison and a lifetime label of felon. Good luck getting a job). The state won't care about the fact that this was my daughter's money going in and out of that account. If I had access to it it's considered my income. Unreported income.

Now everyday I'm living in fear that the police are going to show up and arrest me. When the mail comes I dread finding a letter from social security or social services requesting past bank statements. I just can't live like this anymore.

I was seriously considering sodium nitrite a couple of months ago but I had a very hard time finding it here in the U.S. I wrote a lengthy suicide note to my children and posted it here looking for advice on how to improve it. I received many replies and when all was said and done I changed my mind about ctb and checked myself into a hospital. I spent 12 days there and was discharged into the sober house where I've lived for the past 18 months. I have nowhere else to go.

Three of my five children have stopped speaking to me. They are fed up with my mental illness and my suicidal behavior. Of I lose my benefits I will be homeless and panhandling. I can't seem to hold down a job. I beyond fed up with my life. Please advise.

For a while I thought I was done with all this suicide business. After scrolling through this site I realized how hard it is to successfully commit suicide so I gave up on the idea. Short of a firearm (don't have one and don't know how to use one) or jumping in front of a speeding train (messy and not guaranteed) I can't find a method that is at least 99% definite.

A bit about me: I'm currently living on SSI (disability $794 a month) and food stamps (about $200 a month). A year ago my daughter convinced me to open up a joint bank account with her. She told me it would help me with my credit score. After a year of her paychecks going into and out of the account, not only did I learn that it wouldn't help me with my credit score, but I also learned that if social security or social services finds out about this account (quite possible even though it's now been closed) I run the risk of losing my benefits and even being charged with welfare fraud (a felony punishable by up to 7 years in prison and a lifetime label of felon. Good luck getting a job). The state won't care about the fact that this was my daughter's money going in and out of that account. If I had access to it it's considered my income. Unreported income.

Now everyday I'm living in fear that the police are going to show up and arrest me. When the mail comes I dread finding a letter from social security or social services requesting past bank statements. I just can't live like this anymore.

I was seriously considering sodium nitrite a couple of months ago but I had a very hard time finding it here in the U.S. I wrote a lengthy suicide note to my children and posted it here looking for advice on how to improve it. I received many replies and when all was said and done I changed my mind about ctb and checked myself into a hospital. I spent 12 days there and was discharged into the sober house where I've lived for the past 18 months. I have nowhere else to go.

Three of my five children have stopped speaking to me. They are fed up with my mental illness and my suicidal behavior. Of I lose my benefits I will be homeless and panhandling. I can't seem to hold down a job. I beyond fed up with my life. Please advise.

When we live long enough many of us will get into trouble. Many people avoid a person who is going to die because they are afraid of death, but the family should stick together. My relatives also refuses to talk to me about death - but we are all going to die. The most sensible suicide method is to die of lack of oxygen. Plastic bag over the head or and tape nose and mouth is reliable performed correctly, I will use one of these methods on myself because I do not want to die slowly. I wish you the best, good luck.