skyunderthesea
so goddamn tired
- Jul 4, 2026
- 13
I had an awful shroom trip on Sunday. Everything was terrifying and the blanket felt like suffocating yet comforting death. All I felt was self hatred. The most repressed of my thoughts came through when I just wanted a fun trip with my friends. My impulse to die must be so intrinsic to my self; it is what comes through when I'm on any kind of substance. I usually stick to alcohol because I have more experience with it and can control how miserable I want to be. I'm very drunk and ruminating on my shroom trip now and thinking just how peaceful death felt. Maybe it is my best option. I told my best friend how I felt during my trip but I didn't tell him that I feel that way normally, that the trip was my regular, albeit repressed, thoughts externalized in an impossible to ignore way. Well I have a deadline, it's when I have to admit to my grandparents that I didn't register for any courses and that I'm just gonna be a failure. God fucking damn it. I hate myself so much. I feel trapped in my existence; freedom will come when I can accept my need to leave it all.
