A problematic realization I have come to -- I am not suicidal or depressed but want to die regardless.

[lifecouldbedream]

I've always had an extremely optimistic viewpoint on reality and have enjoyed living. I don't really want to die but I feel like it's necessary for me to die. My life has gone in a terrible direction and has been doing so since I turned 10 because of my irresponsible parents. Additionally I have a huge amount of existential dread. I feel like society is going to keep getting worse and worse over the next few decades and will collapse in some way during my life time. Mass resource shortages, war, the fact that even in first world countries people are extremely depressed and suicidal because of the terrible circumstances and stress. Microplastics in all food, pollution causing all sorts of issues. It isn't looking good.

I have met a girl I really like so I don't plan to go anytime soon but... this feeling always persists. I don't know how I am going to live in the next few years.

 

[whywere]

CONGRATS on the lady that you have met. I am 66, reference point for this message and I have lived with suicide ideation all my life. Now I have BPD and massive depression but with the help of all the kind and caring folks here, I am doing good.

Yes, I have had ups, downs and everything in between BUT the chance meeting of a new experience and/or watching a beautiful sunset is just awesome.

You are a very kind and caring soul and with a great lady with you the sky is the limit for you.

All my best to you.

Walter

 

[Smart No More]

Totally with you. Don't want to die. Loved life. If I wasn't so sick and living at half mast I'd have been kind of excited for the challenges of the upcoming crappolypse. Had loads of plans. Attack things/challenges with ingenuity and enjoy doing it. Now I'm not upto the task and can't do thw thinga I would have so surviving in the world is no longer a challenge I can win. So rather than be a weight on anyone elses shoulder or end up suffering a brutal (perhaps slow) death at the hands of the wicked and the self serving masses I feel I need to end things myself, on my own terms. In fairness though, even if the world wasn't quite so fucked I would probably still feel the need to wnd things but again, not because I want to die. Just that it's necessary due to poor health making quality of life very low.

I think many people that plan to ctb are in similar situations where they would much prefer to live. It seems its mostly the depressed demographic that want death. I can relate during really intense periods of suffering and just wanting it to stop. That internal voice screaming "just switch me off, PLEASE!"