Venting a need for attention

[jellyfish11]

i think that half of my wanting to ctb is a need for attention. to be honest, i fantasize a lot about death. mostly about how people would react once they hear i did it without showing any signs. it soothes me a little to imagine that people would finally recognize me for what i have gone through my whole life. maybe that's a sick way to feel.
being noticed for my pain is one of the most validating things for me. it motivates me to carry on to the ctb that i'm (for some reason) now hesitant about.

i'm just rambling..

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I definitely have similar fantasies. I'm not really trying to hurt anyone, but I do wonder how people will react and if they'll have regrets. I really don't want to hurt my family, though. I wish u could Just erase myself from their minds.

I'm also definitely making a dramatic call right before CTB too, for my own sake lol

 

[Die.A.Ria]

part of it for me is that too i guess its the only way they can understand what they done