FatalSystemError591
{He/They}
- Oct 12, 2020
- 229
So TL;DR: Abuse victim in dn near every kind of abuse imaginable. Mental illnesses and a couple physical run rampant.. Married against my will to a man who doesn't love me, am polyamorous. Have a gf, and trying to leave husband. Been stuck at a job for much longer that I wanted due to financial abuse. I'm in therapy and on meds.
I finally got an end to the timeline. If the math is correct, I should only need to stay at my job 2-3 months to have all the money I need to get the hell out of here and start a new life with my girlfriend. It is a PTSD trigger regarding uncertainty. But now knowing I will still be at my job on my birthday when I wanted to leave in October of last year, plus knowing this year is not only my 25th birthday but my husband and I's 5th anniversary. And knowing I never graduated college, have minimal work experience, and have been unable to cope with my issues for so long has really worn me down. A quarter of my life has been wasted being an utter failure. Failed relationships, marriage, stuck at a job I hate, very strained relationship with family, etc.
My girlfriend is the only one who sometimes makes it not as much of a chore to live, but u feel like I'm rapidly snapping. I'm trying to keep my head high and hope I live long enough to be away from him, divorce him, and starting my life anew with my girlfriend ....
But the more I am being a mental punching bag. I'm beginning to . may it isn't important. That i need to finally be selfish and end my suffering.
Thoughts?
I finally got an end to the timeline. If the math is correct, I should only need to stay at my job 2-3 months to have all the money I need to get the hell out of here and start a new life with my girlfriend. It is a PTSD trigger regarding uncertainty. But now knowing I will still be at my job on my birthday when I wanted to leave in October of last year, plus knowing this year is not only my 25th birthday but my husband and I's 5th anniversary. And knowing I never graduated college, have minimal work experience, and have been unable to cope with my issues for so long has really worn me down. A quarter of my life has been wasted being an utter failure. Failed relationships, marriage, stuck at a job I hate, very strained relationship with family, etc.
My girlfriend is the only one who sometimes makes it not as much of a chore to live, but u feel like I'm rapidly snapping. I'm trying to keep my head high and hope I live long enough to be away from him, divorce him, and starting my life anew with my girlfriend ....
But the more I am being a mental punching bag. I'm beginning to . may it isn't important. That i need to finally be selfish and end my suffering.
Thoughts?
