A lonely day

[TheYounger]

Probably been one of the most loneliest and depressed days I've had today. I've been laying in bed since the morning and just haven't got a reason to really get up. I'm glad I at least have this community to vent to. But I can only do so much venting.

I'm just tired of it all. I envy those people that have been able to ctb. I know it's been with hesitation and all. But just the act of going through with it. I envy that.

I've been battling a bad alcohol addiction as well. And kinda tempted to drink again today. For anyone that's read my posts in the past. I'm sorry for my hesitation to ctb. I know it's not a competition or anything. But I feel like all I've been doing is complaining about my pain on this forum. I have a very difficult time fully seeing through with things. In this case, suicide.

It's really pointless for me to keep going but I still keep doing it. It's feels like everyday all I do is just keep my head afloat in this life and well. I want to end this misery. I want to end my pain more specifically and I don't wish to wait more time.

It's just I think about dying. Fully securing the noose on the tree and hanging myself from it and I feel such a strong kickback. And I wish I didn't feel that. I wish I could be like Kurt and just do it. Van Gogh. I really just feel useless today. And to be honest. I think I'm gonna feel useless many days to come. But I still keep going. Why? What's the point?

 

[down for the count]

I feel similar. I feel useless lying in bed. History tells me I won't get better. Yet I cling to life.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing wrong with complaining about your suffering. Suicide is very difficult after all, and I think that if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I have so much envy for those who have left as they are free from this world and they cannot suffer anymore. Whenever I hear of someone ctb, I always wish that it is me.

Everything feels so pointless for me as well and I have no reason to be here. I know that it is so dreadful wanting to leave this world, yet feeling like you are unable to. I'm sorry that you are going through this. It seems as though in this life it is impossible to escape from suffering.