A Little Hope

[Giraffey]

I have been struggling recently, not just with my fluctuating suicidal thoughts but with the general direction of my life.

I've been working on a small scientific project to do with dream research, I have some funding and eventually it should help people.

But this morning, an idea came to me for extending the project, I won't go into details because I've got nothing concrete to show right now, but I actually think that together the ideas could be something really beautiful and expressive.

It's filled me with this childlike sense of awe and wonder and I really feel as though I have found something special to focus on.

It's not exactly a reason to live, but it's definitely a reason to fight. If I ever do CTB, completing this project would leave my little mark on the world and a little piece of me, a creation would live on. It would definitely help my parents and family to grieve as well.

Sometimes a bolt of hope strikes you from out of nowhere. I guess that some would call it fate, others divine intervention, but to me it's just a spark of hope to give my life one last shot before I go.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Appreciate these moments, mate. They may not ultimately be The Reason to Live, but they can provide a bit of essential hope and meaning before you go.

 

[puppy9]

I have been struggling recently, not just with my fluctuating suicidal thoughts but with the general direction of my life.

I've been working on a small scientific project to do with dream research, I have some funding and eventually it should help people.

But this morning, an idea came to me for extending the project, I won't go into details because I've got nothing concrete to show right now, but I actually think that together the ideas could be something really beautiful and expressive.

It's filled me with this childlike sense of awe and wonder and I really feel as though I have found something special to focus on.

It's not exactly a reason to live, but it's definitely a reason to fight. If I ever do CTB, completing this project would leave my little mark on the world and a little piece of me, a creation would live on. It would definitely help my parents and family to grieve as well.

Sometimes a bolt of hope strikes you from out of nowhere. I guess that some would call it fate, others divine intervention, but to me it's just a spark of hope to give my life one last shot before I go.

Damn you're so talented, I'm so jealous (not in a bad way). I have nothing; to leave a mark. What kind of project, if you don't mind sharing? How does it feel like to be very smart? I'm curious! Any tips to make any academic endeavors bearable. Thanks

 

[Giraffey]

Damn you're so talented, I'm so jealous (not in a bad way). I have nothing; to leave a mark. What kind of project, if you don't mind sharing? How does it feel like to be very smart? I'm curious! Any tips to make any academic endeavors bearable. Thanks

I don't think of myself as being particularly talented, I've just acquired a few random skills and some knowledge here and there over the years, it's all a bit of a mish mash

So the project that's being funded is essentially a method for mapping out a dream and converting it into a virtual reality environment. In a therapeutic context for example, if you have a recurring nightmare, you could recreate the dream in the virtual world, almost exactly as it appeared to you in your mind - but this time you've got control and your therapist can guide you in real time. You can apply the same principle to memories as well, for example to desensitize or 'reprogramme' a traumatic memory.

I never did well academically, I got average or poor grades due to my ADHD, so practically everything I've learned I've done so on my own. Find something that you're curious about, you don't have to be passionate or invest significant time upfront, just explore that curiosity.

Eventually you'll stumble across something that really grabs you in order to understand that topic that interests you better, you might learn about something else, and so on. That's how I learned anyway, in the most disordered and disorganized fashion possible, but it was the way that worked for me :)

 

[BitterlyAlive]

@SlowMo @puppy9 sorry to briefly hijack this thread but all of our icons are animals. We've got a little zoo going on right now!

 

[Giraffey]

@SlowMo @puppy9 sorry to briefly hijack this thread but all of our icons are animals. We've got a little zoo going on right now!

I never even noticed, but you're right, we've created a menagerie :)

 

[puppy9]

@SlowMo @puppy9 sorry to briefly hijack this thread but all of our icons are animals. We've got a little zoo going on right now!

you had me rolling....

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have been struggling recently, not just with my fluctuating suicidal thoughts but with the general direction of my life.

I've been working on a small scientific project to do with dream research, I have some funding and eventually it should help people.

But this morning, an idea came to me for extending the project, I won't go into details because I've got nothing concrete to show right now, but I actually think that together the ideas could be something really beautiful and expressive.

It's filled me with this childlike sense of awe and wonder and I really feel as though I have found something special to focus on.

It's not exactly a reason to live, but it's definitely a reason to fight. If I ever do CTB, completing this project would leave my little mark on the world and a little piece of me, a creation would live on. It would definitely help my parents and family to grieve as well.

Sometimes a bolt of hope strikes you from out of nowhere. I guess that some would call it fate, others divine intervention, but to me it's just a spark of hope to give my life one last shot before I go.

I think that's brilliant! keep at it and leave a legacy. It might even lead to something more.

I used to keep a dream journal. I'd have a set time to dream (between 2 alarms in the morning) and would have extremely vivid hypnogogic hallucinations. I'd wake, then repeat the narrative to myself several times as I got ready for the day. Then It would get scrawled on a scrap of paper, then transferred to the journal in the evening.
I had to stop. It was taking up too much of my time. However, the themes running through my dreams were fascinating.