lv-nii
rotting
- Jul 7, 2024
- 74
Tonight a friend stayed and we talked until we fell asleep. It was fun.
He asked me if I had been doing anything while he was gone (going out, work, etc).
I told him I've been a bit down lately, I vented a bit to him. He asked me if I wanted to go out, but I really don't want to, I hate socializing, so many parameters and so much protocol overwhelms me.
He knows I have somewhat suicidal tendencies, and that worries him, I don't blame him, he has those thoughts too, but with the work and company of others, it gives him a purpose to continue living in a positive way.
The truth is, I wish I felt that way, but I am really so rotten inside that I don't even know what I want to do with my life, I hate this emptiness, I wish it would be easy to end it, but even I don't help myself. What's the point, I look for help and do nothing to get better. I am destined to suffer for my own actions
(Translated)
He asked me if I had been doing anything while he was gone (going out, work, etc).
I told him I've been a bit down lately, I vented a bit to him. He asked me if I wanted to go out, but I really don't want to, I hate socializing, so many parameters and so much protocol overwhelms me.
He knows I have somewhat suicidal tendencies, and that worries him, I don't blame him, he has those thoughts too, but with the work and company of others, it gives him a purpose to continue living in a positive way.
The truth is, I wish I felt that way, but I am really so rotten inside that I don't even know what I want to do with my life, I hate this emptiness, I wish it would be easy to end it, but even I don't help myself. What's the point, I look for help and do nothing to get better. I am destined to suffer for my own actions
(Translated)
