Story 7/21/2026 - a personal manifesto

[CuteHomunculus]

7/21/2026
The day I'll be starting my 3rd year of college. The same day I plan to take my life if I fail in improving my art.

Important: I'm writing quickly so as not to waste any time, so I apologize for any mistakes. I want to get all of these thoughts out of my head somehow, hopefully to put all of this aside so I can keep working hard.

If my art doesn't improve drastically by the time I start my junior year of college, I'll take my own life. It sounds extreme, corny, and stupid, but I have my reasons.
Art is all there is to me, I would be extremely worthless without it. I'm not entertaining, smart, nor decent at anything. The only thing that provides me an olive branch for a sustainable and happy future is art, I don't really know what I would do otherwise. It's commonly known that art as a career can be quite unsustainable and competitive. Which is why I can't live with myself if I'm just average. I despise the wretched creations I dared to label as "art", they're completely devoid of anything worthwhile for anyone to look at. I feel so ashamed of myself for not spending more time seriously practicing. I have been drawing ever since I was 8, yet I'm still so incompetent at the age of 20. Why? What happened? Everyone else around me has achieved more in their life than I ever could have. I can't stand being like this, and that's why I'm going to extreme lengths to drag myself to get better. I've quit everything else I was doing that wasn't related to art, now spending around 8-14 hours practicing everyday. I really don't want to die just yet, I love my mom and my few friends so much. But having suicide dates places a ticking timebomb over my head, it places a lot of pressure on me which I really need. I can't waste any moment, I need to make up for my days of leisure that led me to where I am now. My body, head, and hands ache with pain, annoyingly so that Advil can't help to ease it. Sometimes I feel that I should die right now and accept I'll never be good at anything. But all of this I'm experiencing will be worth it once I finally become great at something. My life will finally have purpose and I can be someone worth being proud of. As disgusting as the "tortured artist" trope is for romanizing the mental illness and struggles of those who are successful. I do have a slightest hope that the more torture I place on myself will eventually lead to the results I want. I envy those who live a life of relaxation, socialization, and normalcy. But it's something I just personally can't do, I want to achieve greatness one way or another. Even if this all leads up to nothing, a 9-5 cashier job for the rest of my life and a burden to everyone, at least I can say that I worked hard. If I successfully get to where I want to be by August 21st, I'll keep pushing myself even further. Until then, I currently just need to continue working hard.

 

[madeincruddy]

Good luck on your art journey, I love to hear from other artists on here.

I feel pretty similar to you. 'Art' is an easy, shorthand term to describe what I make, but if I were to really classify it, it'd be 'doodles' and 'drawings.' It's easy for me to get frustrated with myself, I'm unimaginative and feel that what I make lacks in fundamental skill. We could both afford to be a bit kinder to ourselves, I think.

Easy on your hands, too. Maybe set a day or two in the week where you allow yourself to rest. Wrist injuries suck shit. I'm not too familiar with the full preventative measures, but still. It's not good to strain yourself.

Again, I wish you the best.

 

[CuteHomunculus]

Good luck on your art journey, I love to hear from other artists on here.

I feel pretty similar to you. 'Art' is an easy, shorthand term to describe what I make, but if I were to really classify it, it'd be 'doodles' and 'drawings.' It's easy for me to get frustrated with myself, I'm unimaginative and feel that what I make lacks in fundamental skill. We could both afford to be a bit kinder to ourselves, I think.

Easy on your hands, too. Maybe set a day or two in the week where you allow yourself to rest. Wrist injuries suck shit. I'm not too familiar with the full preventative measures, but still. It's not good to strain yourself.

Again, I wish you the best.

Thank you so much for reading and your kind reply! I relate to you on feeling easily frustrated for lack of imagination and fundamental skills. Learning and improving at art does take patience and time, so I do encourage you to be kind to yourself! I find it hard to think for myself than for others, so I should take my own word and be kind to myself as well. I'll try to go easy on my hands as well, I really do appreciate your concern! I do wish you the best as well, and thank you again ^_^

 

[CaramelAppleStars]

Best of luck !!! To have this much love for the craft, and to put in this much effort is exactly what you need. Take breaks like Madeincruddy said, of course.

I'm rooting for you, and would love to keep up with this journey if you are comfortable enough to share