30+ peer support thread.

[FadingSnowFake]

Same, 50 does feel old but my issues are I'm exhausted and cant step off the work treadmill and just enjoy whats left of life

We lose our jobs and we lose everything and can never get that back, especially in the US with health care being tied to work

I was leading a tiny team that made my employer millions a week in revenue, but a clueless greedy executive canceled it because they thought that a brand new project could make even more money , it didn't and I lost everything , the exec obviously didn't feel any pain from that decision, but I can't deal with being back to the general pool and competing with guys half my age and honestly I just want to check out. No kids so that makes this a lot easier

It's a senseless rat race we pay taxes to be part of, everything costs money, and the system uses us until we are useless. Bouncing back after life's strikes becomes harder, and years are unkind. Do you have friends, family or someone to spend time with outside of work?

 

[U. A.]

Bumping this because a very similar unofficial thread is seeing some activity, and imo it's much better for things like this to be concentrated in threads that have more history, and exist in pinned posts as they're ultimately easier to find.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

I fit this perfectly. I'm 37. But I've been suicidal since the age of 12…

I'm turning 37 this year and 12 is around the same age for me. I swallowed large handfuls of ibuprofen. I didn't realize at the time it wouldn't work.

Even though I'm getting old I feel like my body is fine but my mind is not

Yeah that is how I feel at 36. I mean, obviously I'm not quite as agile and in shape as I was at 18. But, for the most part, I do feel like I'm still 18. Yet, my mind is like, "Nope, this isn't happening".

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I'm turning 37 this year and 12 is around the same age for me. I swallowed large handfuls of ibuprofen. I didn't realize at the time it wouldn't work.

Yeah that is how I feel at 36. I mean, obviously I'm not quite as agile and in shape as I was at 18. But, for the most part, I do feel like I'm still 18. Yet, my mind is like, "Nope, this isn't happening".

Hey, we're the same age.

My problem is in terms of achievement, I'm a teenager. I screwed up college and dropped out as a senior. My mind has been messed up since then, I've never really rested in 15 years, everything is wrong.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

I'm still trying to get over the awkwardness of being a full grown mature adult and being suicidal. I don't know if I just feel that way because of my chaotic past or what. But it sure is nice to have this specific thread.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I just want the courage to use that damn rope. So many people have done it. Worldwide, hundreds of thousands a year. Just get over it!

 

[ConfusedClouds]

Also 36. Also feel more like I'm still a teen. Except I'm not. And everyone around me is very adult (relationships/families). I seem to live an existence of autopilot adulting - thinking is not an option for me. I implode and spiral so bad. Still not sure how I've ended up where I am with a good job and an actual rented flat of my own. Nor where the years keep disappearing to. I barely can process anything outside of this week.

 

[Grog]

I'm 31, but I don't feel like it. I feel like a kid still. I wish I still was. I can't handle being an adult.
And because of that, at 31, I can't find anyone to relate to. Most people keep their distance away from me.

 

[itsgone2]

It's a senseless rat race we pay taxes to be part of, everything costs money, and the system uses us until we are useless. Bouncing back after life's strikes becomes harder, and years are unkind. Do you have friends, family or someone to spend time with outside of work?

I'm 52. I've had 30 years of good pay. Some years very good. All that paid in for nothing. Don't get to enjoy any of it.

Senseless. This whole life had no meaning.

Really wish I could go to my rope right now. Or I had a gun. Eventually. I bet we all crack.

What was the point? My life had no meaning. I provided little value. I harmed more than helped. Just a bad person and I don't know why.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I'm 52. I've had 30 years of good pay. Some years very good. All that paid in for nothing. Don't get to enjoy any of it.

Senseless. This whole life had no meaning.

Really wish I could go to my rope right now. Or I had a gun. Eventually. I bet we all crack.

What was the point? My life had no meaning. I provided little value. I harmed more than helped. Just a bad person and I don't know why.

Maybe you're a bit hard on yourself. We all do what we can. Value? Mm, yes, I'm trying to think where I added something too, it seems so empty now looking back. I think if I could share it with someone, there could be meaning. But with nobody to share things with, it feels pointless. And I f*cked up my chance there.

To think some people in their 70s and 80s are still positive. We have politicians and presidents that age. Mind you, maybe they already cracked, maybe that's why they start wars. I think I cracked when I became suicidal, and now I feel in limbo before making peace with the end, or crack again, whichever happens first.

I had 32 years of work, and unlucky maybe three years of good pay working abroad. Funny, even now I'm applying for jobs and while I wonder why, I know I just have to make a change. I just counted I had 13 employers in my life so far. One of my previous bosses used to say "a rolling stone gathers no moss". I wonder if his life turned out to be meaningful. Are you retired now?

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Feeling old and alone. Never really felt this old before. Wondering what's the point. Any other wonderers here?
Almost as if someone said, "this is it now, go die alone." I really didn't think a last chapter could be so unhappy. Before, when someone asked me what I wanted out of life, I used to say that I just want to be happy. Just happy, not money, or have fancy things. Just happy. That was too much to ask for a final chapter. Don't know how much more of this chapter I can take. Before The End.
(Sorry, feeling sorry for myself).

 

[Sunset Limited]

49 but i feel like never existed. Every morning when I wake up, I try to get used to the world.

 

[MeTomato]

Feeling old and alone. Never really felt this old before. Wondering what's the point. Any other wonderers here?
Almost as if someone said, "this is it now, go die alone." I really didn't think a last chapter could be so unhappy. Before, when someone asked me what I wanted out of life, I used to say that I just want to be happy. Just happy, not money, or have fancy things. Just happy. That was too much to ask for a final chapter. Don't know how much more of this chapter I can take. Before The End.
(Sorry, feeling sorry for myself).

I understand you. I've been wondering what the point of life is for years now. I probably first asked myself this question in high school, then I forgot about it during my university years, you know, the dorm life, lots of socializing with peers, drinking, sports, exams. But after university, I returned to the same question again: what's the point? In an endless race for resources, where there are always winners and losers, it's inevitable that some will get more, some will get less. I also began to notice that people I've known since childhood have started dying, for various reasons; death overtakes us all, sooner or later. What I see now are wars, crises, a new toy for the rich in the form of AI. I think I've lived and seen enough.

 

[decafcheeseburger]

35M. Life started to feel so scary all of a sudden. Job, getting old, losing loved ones. I had a feeling that I can't go through those. I still do. Somedays it feels like normal. I guess antidepressants do work. But I'm still not sure if I can do life.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

36M. I know I can't do life. All my energy just burned off. Everything that was supposed to go into soul- and life-building was wasted. I spent all my time scrolling the internet and forming insane deluded worldviews and smoking weed. I quit my sport, I quit my education, I quit clearing bars and passing milestones on the way to adulthood. I've essentially been looked after by my parents my whole life. There was a 6.5 year break where I worked. The other 8.5 since I dropped out 15 ago have been "recovering my mental health." It's not coming back. I have no way to make money. I am crippled by shame and regret. I'm boned.

 

[deathwish]

Having been around this topic with others for years, especially older people, I've come to appreciate that people absolutely do wish they had killed themselves earlier in life. It's real to feel like seeing what tomorrow will bring, over and over, makes one feel so much worse, and that even if one feels the worst they've ever felt, it could become more difficult than ever to actually off oneself. That, again, it would've been better to do it years ago. This isn't talked about enough imo and I think it's important... Trying a lot of things, seeing what's what, giving a good effort in case you can make it in the world is good and important but at some point it can become procrastination and do more harm than good. There are so many people who are proof of it.