Story Worst thing I have ever done

[samishii]

In 9th grade, my teacher asked me for an answer, and while answering, I made a mistake and a girl kindly corrected me.
I was a highly unpleasant guy back then (more so than rn) having a bad day, and I yelled at that girl- "look at your face before talking, shut up"

Idk why I said that. I kept wondering where did that come from, I was and still am sorry for what I said to her.
In fact, I loved that girl, I found her really beautiful, a really great person, a person who never laughed when I used to be bullied, always talked nicely to me.

The next day, I apologized to her even though I didn't feel that it made anything better.

She didn't talk to me again, and it sucked

A few years later, during the lockdown, I apologized to her again, as a person who had changed quite a lot. She accepted my apology. (Picture below)

I blew my chances of ever being even close to her, so yeah, here am I, accepting yet another failure of mine. I still love her, I would be happy if I could even get to be a close friend of hers, but I know i would never get to do so.

She has a boyfriend now, although I feel good seeing her happy and seeing her know how beautiful she is.

I can imagine how bad it would be for anyone grow up being called ugly, but I cannot fathom how could I still say it

P.s.- ik i am posting a lot today, sorry, i am drunk and because of that, I somehow have the energy to post this stuff. Please bare with me.

 

[Symbiote]

You did what most people would've just forgotten about and moved on by apologizing a 2nd time, but a few years down the road. That's commendable and we all have bad days where we do shit that we end up regretting in the future, but you accepted responsibility, owned up to it, and then apologized, not once, but twice. At the time, may have been the worst thing you've done, but not anymore since things have smoothed over between you and her. She has moved on, now it's time for you to do the same.

 

[Oblivion Access]

If that's the worst thing you've done, you haven't really done that much wrong to be honest. I can think of like 5 things off the top of my head I did that are waaay worse, and I'm mostly over feeling guilty about it. Enough about me though, presumably if you're posting about it, it means the situation still bothers you somewhat, so there's nothing wrong with venting about it - you've done what you could to make amends. It should bother you less as time goes on.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

I've done worse. I broke up with my ex(both 17 at the time) on Christmas and she turned into an alcoholic. She never drank before that. @samishii you're an angel if that's the worse you've done. I've done horrible things I can't mention here.

 

[dtjb]

Good on you for apologizing 2x. I hope that brings you a modicum of peace about the situation going forward. I also hope you get to meet new people so you don't have to hang on to the "what-ifs" around this girl.

 

[Huntfish34]

Yeaa,. I agree... If that's the worst you have done,. Big thumbs up to you Sir! And you said Sorry 2 times... I think you are good to possibly move on and let it go . All very respectable,. I know it can be hard to apologize. I totally understand.

 

[Sarros]

There was a boy I tormented when I was in 1st grade. I made him miserable. I think about him from time to time. That I hope he's doing well and that I'm sorry. I don't even remember his last name that I could apologize to him.
If you haven't forgiven yourself yet, I hope that you can.

 

[nena21]

I done way worse. I threaten to kill people I love many times over.

 

[samishii]

If that's the worst thing you've done, you haven't really done that much wrong to be honest. I can think of like 5 things off the top of my head I did that are waaay worse, and I'm mostly over feeling guilty about it.

There maybe is stuff that I have done which is worse, it's just that I haven't realised it yet/ it hasn't started to bother me yet.

 

[Slimetae]

I den did way worse shit then that when I was a kid you apologized took accountability that's all that matters.

 

[samishii]

I den did way worse shit then that when I was a kid you apologized took accountability that's all that matters.

But how am I supposed not be bothered by it by just holding myself accountable. I even think I should have asked her in the apology- if there was anything I could do to make it better?

 

[Slimetae]

But how am I supposed not be bothered by it by just holding myself accountable. I even think I should have asked her in the apology- if there was anything I could do to make it better?

She's probably moved on from this there's nothing you can really do. It probably hurts a lot more than it should bc you seem like you liked her . I would just say try to move forward eventually you will lose feelings for her .

 

[samishii]

She's probably moved on from this there's nothing you can really do. It probably hurts a lot more than it should bc you seem like you liked her . I would just say try to move forward eventually you will lose feelings for her .

I did indeed love her, desired her. I have been trying to move on for around 2 years now, but no success.

 

[Slimetae]

I did indeed love her, desired her. I have been trying to move on for around 2 years now, but no success.

my best advice is try to not get hung up over her ik it's hard but she has someone in her life . Best thing to do is to just try to focus on you.

 

[samishii]

my best advice is try to not get hung up over her ik it's hard but she has someone in her life .

That task suddenly started to seem way simpler when put in front of

Best thing to do is to just try to focus on you.

 

[Graham]

In 9th grade, my teacher asked me for an answer, and while answering, I made a mistake and a girl kindly corrected me.
I was a highly unpleasant guy back then (more so than rn) having a bad day, and I yelled at that girl- "look at your face before talking, shut up"

Idk why I said that. I kept wondering where did that come from, I was and still am sorry for what I said to her.
In fact, I loved that girl, I found her really beautiful, a really great person, a person who never laughed when I used to be bullied, always talked nicely to me.

The next day, I apologized to her even though I didn't feel that it made anything better.

She didn't talk to me again, and it sucked

A few years later, during the lockdown, I apologized to her again, as a person who had changed quite a lot. She accepted my apology. (Picture below)

I blew my chances of ever being even close to her, so yeah, here am I, accepting yet another failure of mine. I still love her, I would be happy if I could even get to be a close friend of hers, but I know i would never get to do so.

She has a boyfriend now, although I feel good seeing her happy and seeing her know how beautiful she is.

I can imagine how bad it would be for anyone grow up being called ugly, but I cannot fathom how could I still say it

P.s.- ik i am posting a lot today, sorry, i am drunk and because of that, I somehow have the energy to post this stuff. Please bare with me.

View attachment 93509

I take it you are very young?

 

[samishii]

I take it you are very young?

Yeah, I am 19
@Graham why though?

 

[Graham]

Yeah, I am 19
@Graham why though?

Just the way you spoke of school reminded me of myself 20+ years ago

Things may get better or worse

Emotions run very high at a younger age

I look back on similar things and what seemed massive at the time seems nothing now

Still got my own problems or wouldn't be here

X

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

In 9th grade, my teacher asked me for an answer, and while answering, I made a mistake and a girl kindly corrected me.
I was a highly unpleasant guy back then (more so than rn) having a bad day, and I yelled at that girl- "look at your face before talking, shut up"

Idk why I said that. I kept wondering where did that come from, I was and still am sorry for what I said to her.
In fact, I loved that girl, I found her really beautiful, a really great person, a person who never laughed when I used to be bullied, always talked nicely to me.

The next day, I apologized to her even though I didn't feel that it made anything better.

She didn't talk to me again, and it sucked

A few years later, during the lockdown, I apologized to her again, as a person who had changed quite a lot. She accepted my apology. (Picture below)

I blew my chances of ever being even close to her, so yeah, here am I, accepting yet another failure of mine. I still love her, I would be happy if I could even get to be a close friend of hers, but I know i would never get to do so.

You've apologized twice, she's accepted that apology twice - and you're still stuck. It seems like you need someone else to tell you have done enough to "pay for" what you did so you can move on.

So if you want to do penance, DO PENANCE. You bullied her, so do something that makes bullying harder, or less acceptable, or less impactful to those that get bullied. Volunteer for anti-bullying organizations or donate money [if you can afford it] to those organizations or offer support people who have been bullied. Or, or, or.

And then, maybe, you will feel like your debt has been paid and you can let it go.

 

[samishii]

You've apologized twice, she's accepted that apology twice - and you're still stuck. It seems like you need someone else to tell you have done enough to "pay for" what you did so you can move on.

So if you want to do penance, DO PENANCE. You bullied her, so do something that makes bullying harder, or less acceptable, or less impactful to those that get bullied. Volunteer for anti-bullying organizations or donate money [if you can afford it] to those organizations or offer support people who have been bullied. Or, or, or.

And then, maybe, you will feel like your debt has been paid and you can let it go.

Thanks a lot. Made a donation I could afford to stomp out bullying.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

Thanks a lot. Made a donation I could afford to stomp out bullying.

I'm glad to hear that. I hope you are able to move on from this experience now, and see yourself as a perfectly imperfect human, with strengths and weaknesses, just like everyone else.