My therapist is a nice and experienced person and the thing which was sad was not about therapy. I could call him anytime and ask whatever I want.
Despite my diagnosis he made me understand that I do not need to go on disability. Though disability could save me from a job where I would be like a walking dead and a total poverty which I experienced for a few months during lockdown. With my mental illness I am on the edge of the abyss and financial issues just push me closer. Right now I work a small amount of hours on a low-paid job, but even this makes me extremely tired, every 10-15 minutes I tell myself "Fuck this, I want to die, I do what I can't and it takes the last parts of what is left of me"