Worried about what to do

[Charmander07]

I finally have permission to post on here by my ex (don't get on the wrong page she was here first so she just was very uncomfortable with me being here and she still is. Even though she's hurt by me being here she understands that I'm just so hurt and thankfully she made an exception for me to which I'm very grateful. She did say she won't check my posts I think and tbh she's sleeping now so I don't think she will see this however I'll later enforce that we don't look at each others posts later.

This means I don't need to keep deleting my posts thankfully, however recently we just spent a week at a school (for our science practicals) and it was fun week in which after speaking to a family member, I realised my flaws and think I may even have bpd.

I love her so much and we have both done so much insane stuff, and I've told her many times in similar times that 'I'd change' but I never did, at least to what she wanted. However, when I finally do get it and I've started to think healthily, she goes and doesn't even give me the chance. I blame myself so strongly, hopefully I can learn to forgive myself for my mistakes, but at the end of the day I just want her back and I just want her to love me.

I've asked her to talk to me today and I essentially just want to talk trying to prove that I have changed even if she's moved on (the past week she didn't seem like she cared that we were going to never talk again, to the point she was suprised I was sad). How do I go about this, I don't want to go no contact, but I don't want to be invasive, I know I'll move on over time but I just don't really want to.

Her old self would be so ashamed in me for giving up on her, and even tho it's tempting for her own sake and my own, I just want to work things out cause I know things can get better if she tries.

Sorry for the long vent, I won't delete this unlike my other posts as I have permission now, and I really feel terrible right now hence why I'm even on here. But what do you guys think I should do

 

[webb&flow]

What do you feel first parted you two? It can help to understand what brought one to a case, to know where to turn next .

P.S. I wonder how you found the forum~. I hope things go all right for you and life turns up for the better . I hope our correspondence will aid, abet, and make you feel less strained in your predicament, as well. Wishing you better turns from here on out .

 

[Charmander07]

What do you feel first parted you two? It can help to understand what brought one to a case, to know where to turn next .

P.S. I wonder how you found the forum~. I hope things go all right for you and life turns up for the better . I hope our correspondence will aid, abet, and make you feel less strained in your predicament, as well. Wishing you better turns from here on out .

Sorry for the long reply, I'm not using the website and I only just saw this in my emails. Don't worry about it anymore, I'm feeling a lot better since then, I just started using Reddit as my problems don't really relate to here, and they are nowhere near severe anymore, and I don't want to make my ex uncomfortable

 

[webb&flow]

Best wishes Wishing you and your ex the loveliest life possible! Please take care of yourself~you got this

Even if stuff ever turns awry again, you can always turn it back around again Here is to many good turns to come :).

 

[Charmander07]

Best wishes Wishing you and your ex the loveliest life possible! Please take care of yourself~you got this

Even if stuff ever turns awry again, you can always turn it back around again Here is to many good turns to come :).

Thank you so much, yeah I think she's very happy now and tbh I've been feeling a lot better as well. good luck with your worries and problems as well