Venting Wondering why am I still here, keep pretending there's something but hopelessness for me

[ImpairedLowlife]

I got my SN and antiemetic and even the scale ready for quite some time. I only need to starve 1 day (which is really easy for me) and take SN by the nighttime to end this. There's nice lonely place in which I shouldn't be found for easily 6+ hours.
Why am I still lying to myself there's hope when there's none for me? I'm too tired to change anything, too awkward and too weird.
In nearly 5 years in this country I've made exactly ZERO friends. I don't have any clue how to make any IRL friends for me too. My first and only relationships were due to pure and insane luck. And they've come to the foreseeable end. Now I'm as lonely as it gets. I doubt I will ever find any friends yet anybody who will love me again. And you know? It's pretty fair. I'm an unlovable socially awkward weirdo. And I don't do and can't do anything about it.
Actually what I should do is pretty fucking simple. I should fucking finally catch the bus. Yet I'm still here in the middle of the night whining about being worthless
I wish I could cry, but can't do it either. No tears, just weird uncomfortable feeling in the eyes as I type this

 

[hopeless08]

I got my SN and antiemetic and even the scale ready for quite some time. I only need to starve 1 day (which is really easy for me) and take SN by the nighttime to end this. There's nice lonely place in which I shouldn't be found for easily 6+ hours.
Why am I still lying to myself there's hope when there's none for me? I'm too tired to change anything, too awkward and too weird.
In nearly 5 years in this country I've made exactly ZERO friends. I don't have any clue how to make any IRL friends for me too. My first and only relationships were due to pure and insane luck. And they've come to the foreseeable end. Now I'm as lonely as it gets. I doubt I will ever find any friends yet anybody who will love me again. And you know? It's pretty fair. I'm an unlovable socially awkward weirdo. And I don't do and can't do anything about it.
Actually what I should do is pretty fucking simple. I should fucking finally catch the bus. Yet I'm still here in the middle of the night whining about being worthless
I wish I could cry, but can't do it either. No tears, just weird uncomfortable feeling in the eyes as I type this

I'm so sorry you're going through pain and I can tell you that you are not awkward and unlovable because you have no friends, if it makes you feel any better I don't have any friends irl either,
I've been isolated for so long because of the suicidal depression but it's the depression that's making us feel socially awkward and not worthy of friends so please don't be so hard on yourself, trust me tons of people on here feel what we are feeling. We are together in this, so on here you will have friends that understand you. Anytime you want to vent you can pm me.

 

[RemainingDubious]

you are not awkward and unlovable because you have no friends, if it makes you feel any better I don't have any friends irl either,
I've been isolated for so long because of the suicidal depression but it's the depression that's making us feel socially awkward and not worthy of friends so please don't be so hard on yourself, trust me tons of people on here feel what we are feeling. We are together in this

i agree with this 100% i don't have any friends in real life either. The closest thing to friends i have are users who don't appreciate me whatsoever and only act friendly when they want something. When they have what they want they act like i don't exist.

"A friend is nothing but a known enemy." - Kurt Cobain

 

[divinemistress36]

i agree with this 100% i don't have any friends in real life either. The closest thing to friends i have are users who don't appreciate me whatsoever and only act friendly when they want something. When they have what they want they act like i don't exist.

"A friend is nothing but a known enemy." - Kurt Cobain

All relationships are transactional . If you dont have value to someone they leave it sucks

 

[hopeless08]

i agree with this 100% i don't have any friends in real life either. The closest thing to friends i have are users who don't appreciate me whatsoever and only act friendly when they want something. When they have what they want they act like i don't exist.

"A friend is nothing but a known enemy." - Kurt Cobain

Yeah that's when you know you're true friends is if they stand by you during the tough times and most of them don't, they just get sick of being around a depressed person

 

[RemainingDubious]

All relationships are transactional . If you dont have value to someone they leave it sucks

Yeah that's when you know you're true friends is if they stand by you during the tough times and most of them don't, they just get sick of being around a depressed person

It's almost like they actually expect you to magically "snap out of it"

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

All relationships are transactional . If you dont have value to someone they leave it sucks

I mean it's true, but I don't see it as bad thing. I value my internet friends because they're kind to me and I like their personalities. And it's vice versa.
Honestly I see being interesting as value