Discussion Witnessing a suicide

[l1ablemistakes]

I just wanted to post because I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic. As I've mentioned a couple times, I work in healthcare, and an unfortunately common patient presentation I see is suicide attempts. I've been involved with the care of a couple patients who have come close or have actually passed, and I wanted to share what that experience is like.

You might think family and friends are the only people who will be traumatised by your death. I'm here to tell you that's wrong.

Healthcare is an inherently traumatising job and I will never blame my patients for the ways treating them affects me. But I also want to be transparent and say that witnessing suicide attempts and successful suicides, especially as someone with mental health issues, is highly disturbing. Healthcare workers are people too. I can only imagine how exponentially harder paramedicine must be.

Last year, I treated a patient my own age who hanged himself and was found too soon. The family performed CPR and the patient was brought into ED intubated and ventilated, with multiple brain haemorrhages and skull fractures. GCS 3. I saw this patient and their family every day for a week in ICU, after a craniotomy (removal of skull bones) was performed. I spoke to this patient about what I was doing even though I knew they couldn't hear or understand me. They tried to open their eyes anyway. The family kept them alive for four months before pulling the plug.

I've witnessed several other attempts and successful suicides but that one sticks with me. Self-immolation, self inflicted stab wounds, jumping off buildings, overdoses, ingesting batteries, intentional car crashes… I've probably seen it all. I'm here to tell you that even though I have seen it all, that doesn't mean I can forget it. Don't discount how disturbing your death will be to the people who find and potentially treat you.

I just want to emphasise that again I do not blame any of these patients at all. Just like I'd never blame a cancer patient for the emotions treating them causes me. I just wanted to share because I feel like it's a common sentiment that healthcare workers won't be affected by what they see. We can and do. We care about our patients. And some of us see ourselves in our patients too.

 

[aufrechtm7]

I will never forget the first time I saw a lifeless corpse. Tried to administer CPR to a motorcyclist after they crashed and it was already too late. Didn't even know their name until a memorial was created on the street some time after.

 

[behindtheveil]

A special thanks to the kind of service you are providing to humanity. I have deep respect for the kind of work you do and the heartwarming efforts you put in. In someways you are the true soldiers who do their work whether or not the outcome is favorable or else. Take care of yourself and lots of blessings.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I will never forget the first time I saw a lifeless corpse. Tried to administer CPR to a motorcyclist after they crashed and it was already too late. Didn't even know their name until a memorial was created on the street some time after.

I've never had to perform CPR and I hope I never do. Massive respect for you for trying to help a stranger. I wish you all the best in healing from that, I can't imagine how deeply that must have scarred. Sending love <3

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I fail to see how this posting helps anyone. If anything, it only sears the already existing burden of guilt more deeply into the psyche of those wrestling with suicidal ideology. And I may be wrong, but it seems to have an underlying "tone" to it, even anti-choice to a degree, that anyone considering suicide should not see it to fruition, since it will have an effect on everyone else, including family, friends, and even healthcare workers. Well, dah. It entirely smacks down and doesn't even consider the idea of one's autonomy over their life and attempts to delegate the decision of taking one's life to others, with regard to how others will feel. What about how the suicidal person feels? I don't think this post is the least bit helpful at all. I hope the OP's discipline in healthcare isn't in the psychiatric arena. Guilt shaming should never be a tactic. That's how I feel. Sorry if it's too blunt for you. Now let the haters hate. I won't be responding further.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I just wanted to post because I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic. As I've mentioned a couple times, I work in healthcare, and an unfortunately common patient presentation I see is suicide attempts. I've been involved with the care of a couple patients who have come close or have actually passed, and I wanted to share what that experience is like.

You might think family and friends are the only people who will be traumatised by your death. I'm here to tell you that's wrong.

Healthcare is an inherently traumatising job and I will never blame my patients for the ways treating them affects me. But I also want to be transparent and say that witnessing suicide attempts and successful suicides, especially as someone with mental health issues, is highly disturbing. Healthcare workers are people too. I can only imagine how exponentially harder paramedicine must be.

Last year, I treated a patient my own age who hanged himself and was found too soon. The family performed CPR and the patient was brought into ED intubated and ventilated, with multiple brain haemorrhages and skull fractures. GCS 3. I saw this patient and their family every day for a week in ICU, after a craniotomy (removal of skull bones) was performed. I spoke to this patient about what I was doing even though I knew they couldn't hear or understand me. They tried to open their eyes anyway. The family kept them alive for four months before pulling the plug.

I've witnessed several other attempts and successful suicides but that one sticks with me. Self-immolation, self inflicted stab wounds, jumping off buildings, overdoses, ingesting batteries, intentional car crashes… I've probably seen it all. I'm here to tell you that even though I have seen it all, that doesn't mean I can forget it. Don't discount how disturbing your death will be to the people who find and potentially treat you.

I just want to emphasise that again I do not blame any of these patients at all. Just like I'd never blame a cancer patient for the emotions treating them causes me. I just wanted to share because I feel like it's a common sentiment that healthcare workers won't be affected by what they see. We can and do. We care about our patients. And some of us see ourselves in our patients too.

Are you anti-suicide?

 

[l1ablemistakes]

Are you anti-suicide?

Nope. Probably gonna commit later this year.
I

I fail to see how this posting helps anyone. If anything, it only sears the already existing burden of guilt more deeply into the psyche of those wrestling with suicidal ideology. And I may be wrong, but it seems to have an underlying "tone" to it, even anti-choice to a degree, that anyone considering suicide should not see it to fruition, since it will have an effect on everyone else, including family, friends, and even healthcare workers. Well, dah. It entirely smacks down and doesn't even consider the idea of one's autonomy over their life and attempts to delegate the decision of taking one's life to others, with regard to how others will feel. What about how the suicidal person feels? I don't think this post is the least bit helpful at all. I hope the OP's discipline in healthcare isn't in the psychiatric arena. Guilt shaming should never be a tactic. That's how I feel. Sorry if it's too blunt for you. Now let the haters hate. I won't be responding further.

If you look at my other posts I feel like you'll understand my position further. I'm not anti choice, but I feel like a lot of people have to delude themselves to come to this decision. The guilt is real and something you should consider before taking your life. I think a lot of people intentionally ignore the trauma they will cause to make the choice easier, which makes sense when you're already suffering so much mentally, but doesnt help with making a rational informed choice. I've got my own plans and strategies to minimise the trauma I cause. Not trying to guilt anyone or blame patients as I said multiple times. Just wanted to give another perspective to people who think first responders and healthcare workers don't care or aren't affected. Feel free to ignore.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I just wanted to post because I feel like I have a unique perspective on this topic. As I've mentioned a couple times, I work in healthcare, and an unfortunately common patient presentation I see is suicide attempts. I've been involved with the care of a couple patients who have come close or have actually passed, and I wanted to share what that experience is like.

You might think family and friends are the only people who will be traumatised by your death. I'm here to tell you that's wrong.

Healthcare is an inherently traumatising job and I will never blame my patients for the ways treating them affects me. But I also want to be transparent and say that witnessing suicide attempts and successful suicides, especially as someone with mental health issues, is highly disturbing. Healthcare workers are people too. I can only imagine how exponentially harder paramedicine must be.

Last year, I treated a patient my own age who hanged himself and was found too soon. The family performed CPR and the patient was brought into ED intubated and ventilated, with multiple brain haemorrhages and skull fractures. GCS 3. I saw this patient and their family every day for a week in ICU, after a craniotomy (removal of skull bones) was performed. I spoke to this patient about what I was doing even though I knew they couldn't hear or understand me. They tried to open their eyes anyway. The family kept them alive for four months before pulling the plug.

I've witnessed several other attempts and successful suicides but that one sticks with me. Self-immolation, self inflicted stab wounds, jumping off buildings, overdoses, ingesting batteries, intentional car crashes… I've probably seen it all. I'm here to tell you that even though I have seen it all, that doesn't mean I can forget it. Don't discount how disturbing your death will be to the people who find and potentially treat you.

I just want to emphasise that again I do not blame any of these patients at all. Just like I'd never blame a cancer patient for the emotions treating them causes me. I just wanted to share because I feel like it's a common sentiment that healthcare workers won't be affected by what they see. We can and do. We care about our patients. And some of us see ourselves in our patients too.

This is one of the main reason why I chose SN instead of hanging. I didn't want my corpse to traumatize anyone. I have seen a hanging corpse, and its a harrowing sight.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It must be an incredibly emotional job. Do many people try to limit the trauma it may cause on others do you think? If you are contemplating it yourself, are there things you are considering to limit the impact?

I do feel terrible for those left to deal with the mess and the trauma of it all. I think blame has to be laid upon the society we live in, in equal part though- if not- more. I imagine the majority of people would opt for a less disturbing and impactful suicide- if we could be assisted at a clinic.

Some people are also badly let down by healthcare systems. It's not to say they are in the right to inflict trauma on (likely) innocent people just doing their jobs but- our governments etc. need to see there are consequences for letting support services go to shit.

Also- by restricting methods like SN (which I sort of see they have to if they aren't going to legalise and regulate assisted suicide) people will be left with the more brutal methods. I imagine the restriction of poisons etc. will result in higher numbers of hangings, jumping from height, train suicides. An animal backed into a corner will start to lose inhibitions or concern for others.

It does sound tremendously bad though. I'm sorry for what you've experienced and I am amazed by all those that do those jobs. I worked in a care home for a brief period and memories just from that experience have stayed with me for years.

 

[seasonsdied]

Nope. Probably gonna commit later this year.
I

How do you plant to do it then?

 

[urgent]

Nope. Probably gonna commit later this year.
I

If you look at my other posts I feel like you'll understand my position further. I'm not anti choice, but I feel like a lot of people have to delude themselves to come to this decision. The guilt is real and something you should consider before taking your life. I think a lot of people intentionally ignore the trauma they will cause to make the choice easier, which makes sense when you're already suffering so much mentally, but doesnt help with making a rational informed choice. I've got my own plans and strategies to minimise the trauma I cause. Not trying to guilt anyone or blame patients as I said multiple times. Just wanted to give another perspective to people who think first responders and healthcare workers don't care or aren't affected. Feel free to ignore.

What is your plan? I don't want to effect anyone I'm traumatized by the pain I'm suffering. I need it to stop and I don't know how.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

How do you plant to do it then?

Hanging. And I plan to call the ambulance myself probably. I'm a hypocrite. I'd rather a paramedic cut me down than my friends.

It must be an incredibly emotional job. Do many people try to limit the trauma it may cause on others do you think? If you are contemplating it yourself, are there things you are considering to limit the impact?

I do feel terrible for those left to deal with the mess and the trauma of it all. I think blame has to be laid upon the society we live in, in equal part though- if not- more. I imagine the majority of people would opt for a less disturbing and impactful suicide- if we could be assisted at a clinic.

Some people are also badly let down by healthcare systems. It's not to say they are in the right to inflict trauma on (likely) innocent people just doing their jobs but- our governments etc. need to see there are consequences for letting support services go to shit.

Also- by restricting methods like SN (which I sort of see they have to if they aren't going to legalise and regulate assisted suicide) people will be left with the more brutal methods. I imagine the restriction of poisons etc. will result in higher numbers of hangings, jumping from height, train suicides. An animal backed into a corner will start to lose inhibitions or concern for others.

It does sound tremendously bad though. I'm sorry for what you've experienced and I am amazed by all those that do those jobs. I worked in a care home for a brief period and memories just from that experience have stayed with me for years.

Limiting the trauma I cause is a top priority. If I can be certain they can't save me, I'll call the ambulance myself.I don't want my friends or partner to find me.

I don't think the healthcare system have let me down. They really did try. If anything I let them down.

I've read a lot about SN here and it seems too slow and unsure. Maybe it's because I witnessed one but hanging seems quicker and more reliable. I've OD'd before and I don't particularly want a repeat performance.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

You seem very empathetic but the emotionally abusive staff in the psych ward didn't care about the trauma they were complicit in, the doctors and other medical professionals didn't care about my chronic pain even with tears in my eyes stemming from the pain I was in, and so on.

I'm all for not causing superfluous and flippant pain but health care professionals in general aren't high on my list of people who merit special consideration.

 

[l1ablemistakes]

The emotionally abusive staff in the psych ward didn't care about the trauma they were complicit in, the doctors and other medical professionals didn't care about my chronic pain even with tears in my eyes stemming from the pain I was in, and so on.

I've never admitted myself, this is one of many reasons. And my chronic pain is still yet undiagnosed. I think I have EDS but that's trendy on Tiktok right now so I must be attention seeking. I do get where you're coming from. I mostly just wanted to post so everyone here knows there are people like us fighting for improvements from the inside

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

I've never admitted myself, this is one of many reasons. And my chronic pain is still yet undiagnosed. I think I have EDS but that's trendy on Tiktok right now so I must be attention seeking. I do get where you're coming from. I mostly just wanted to post so everyone here knows there are people like us fighting for improvements from the inside

You may not feel let down but I was betrayed so the health care system can go fuck itself. In my experience people like you seem to be were exceptional.

I found this Article very illuminating (or sort of, it's not like the people described rake any particular pains to conceal how they feel). I suppose you might feel an affinity with the author.

Personally speaking I don't feel any guilt whatsoever. No one else has the wherewithal (or willingness even if they did have the wherewithal) to take on my pain. Not that that justifies executing it however you want but when it comes to the act itself, that is one obstacle I don't have to wrestle with.

The damned if you do, damned if you don't position that suicidal people find themselves in is rarely appreciated.

We can give people reality-checks about the nature of the act but it should never be framed as guilting.