Zeir Anpin 729
Member
- Aug 11, 2025
- 6
Before you say, "There's resources around you, tell your story someone who can actually help", know that you are wrong.
1. 988 is garbage. I have called multiple times. They only ever hang up and send the police to my door. Little do they know that the police have been defunded, and simply never check in on me. They don't respond to any call they see as a waste of time.
2. I tried to call my father tonight. My new apple phone is acting very weird. There is no way to send or even type out any message. It only does this for him. The message history in the app contains things I've never written. Like an imaginary version of myself came out of the digital ether and had a conversation under my name. This is a common experience in my life that I know very few people can ever relate to.
3. My mother hates me with so much she wishes I was aborted. She would probably encourage me to feel worse.
So here I am. Starting my own thread. This very topic has gotten me banned from Reddit and censored on PhpBB and IOGroups, among other places that I won't bother naming. I've tried to post stuff on the internet EVERYWHERE and it is always banned and it is not even bad or extreme or anything. I feel like my internet experience is fake and every site I visit is a pasted over version and there is a middle man with complete control over everything. I am always getting shadow banned and erased and have lost hundreds of hours of life trying to combat this thing. Being a genuine human being with even a little bit of emotion, or honest genuine intellect, is something that the internet swiftly bans and sweeps under the rug and the amount of censorship I have faced in the last few months is so insane that I know for a fact that I am not paranoid nor is it coincidental or accidental. I fear this thread will end up the same way, but sometimes things slip through the reverse proxy, and the pasted over spoofing and phishing attempts fail and perhaps the real thing becomes accessible.
Behold, the story of my life:
1. Autistic and unremarkable childhood. Hospitalized in 2018.
2. Go to college. Major in Journalism.
3. Make progress on the cases of Danny Casolaro, Eric Roskos, and Peter Kawaja.
4. Kicked out of college for protesting the campus popularity of Sally Miller Gearhart. Charged with "threatening minorities" for saying that Gearhart and her followers are terrible and evil people. Which they 100% totally are, BTW.
5. Nearly sent to jail on false charges of "property damage". The college colluded with the DA to fake it all. I never damaged anything yet multiple felonies "magically appeared" in the magistrate's books. Lawyer fought it off and won.
6. Jobless and alone.
7. Discover the relation of the Lyaponuv exponent to the natural evolution of languages. Find links between John Dee's work and the Great Mendes Stela.
8. Computer hacked. Probably had something to do with the aforenoted projects.
9. Sign up for a 3-year service contract in the US ARMY.
10. Excited about being a CBRN officer and going to the Chemical Core school. Already knew the history about Edgewood and Plum Island.
11. Knew that being CBRN was my calling in life and wearing the crossed golden flasks on my shoulders would be a dream come true. Planned on using the GI bill to go to a private school (state schools suck) and getting a degree and job in Biochemistry. I also met a man who worked for ICI and handed over the secrets of his research career to me. Because of him, I hold amazing material and am the key to unlocking its potential.
12. Jamaican Drill Sergeant tried to get me to fake a drug test. I refuse. He decides to punish me with "corrective action".
13. He makes me squat and hold weight plates out in front of me. Keeping my arms straight while my knees are bent at 90 degrees. This becomes impossible after a few hours, and my arms collapse and the weight clanks sideways onto my knees and its ridge clips them at a nasty angle.
14. He tells me he hates me because I am white and my father is rich and I look like I spend all day inside playing video games like rich white people do. I realize I've been specially targeted because of assumptions he made about me. He told me that he wanted me to die and he would torture me every day until I did. He wanted to send my "dead pale white corpse" home to my "stupid rich white father as a present".
15. I am permanently disabled and feel chronic pain all the time. My knees don't work anymore. He got me sent out of the ARMY and enjoyed crushing my dreams.
16. Service record erased. According to the VA, I was never in the ARMY at all.
17. Computer hacking gets more noticeable.
18. Can't go back to school. No money.
19. Chronic pain. Knees hurt. Can't work or get a job or return to the ARMY.
20. Family calls me a loser. "In this world, you are either smart or strong. Or else you die. And you are not smart enough for school or strong enough for the ARMY. You are worthless."
21. Homeless man jumps me from behind, stabs me, punches me in the chest multiple times. I end up in the hospital.
22. Stuck with giant hospital bill that I can't pay. Cancel lease on apartment.
23. Homeless man (black) targeted me clearly because I am white. Just the same as that Drill Sergeant. I see a pattern here with the collective behavior of this entire clique of people. They hate America. They hate whites. They will stop at nothing to attack and kill us all.
24. Months of inactivity and depression. Can't get a job anywhere. Don't want one anyway.
25. Computer hacker outright tells me that I will die in a car wreck very soon.
26. Family doesn't believe any of it. "The college would never do that"... "The ARMY would never do that"... "No hacker would ever do that"...
27. Car wreck. Was lucky to survive.
TLDR: I wanted to be a chemist and get my training through the US ARMY. A racist Drill Sergeant made it his life's goal to target and destroy me and did many illegal things but he was never caught. I tried to chase my dream but ended up permanently disabled and in chronic pain. I will never have another shot at life. I will never be happy. I want to go back into the ARMY and try again, but I wouldn't last a single day, given how badly my knees are shot. Joint fluid still comes out of the torn cartilage and even laying down and doing nothing is so painful that I want to scream. What did I do to deserve any of this? Anger some spiritual force from beyond the material world? I must have.
I plan on killing myself VERY soon. I don't actually want to die, but I have no other choice, and this is the only way to alleviate the physical pain that besieges me at all times.
Here is a list of all the things I have tried that have failed so far:
1. Nembutal
2. Hanging (didn't have rope, tried garbage bags, they where too weak)
3. Jumping from bridge onto jagged rocks
4. Trying to access roof of skyscraper
5. Making threats in order to get the cops to shoot me
6. burning, cutting, slashing, etc...
IDK what to do, I just want to get out of this prison. I am surrounded by idiots and racists and no one cares about me and I can't save myself anyhow from all the attackers that keep ruining my life. I am nothing but an autistic fox that has already been chewed up by several malicious bloodhounds. Such is the game of life, which is honestly a terrible thing.
1. 988 is garbage. I have called multiple times. They only ever hang up and send the police to my door. Little do they know that the police have been defunded, and simply never check in on me. They don't respond to any call they see as a waste of time.
2. I tried to call my father tonight. My new apple phone is acting very weird. There is no way to send or even type out any message. It only does this for him. The message history in the app contains things I've never written. Like an imaginary version of myself came out of the digital ether and had a conversation under my name. This is a common experience in my life that I know very few people can ever relate to.
3. My mother hates me with so much she wishes I was aborted. She would probably encourage me to feel worse.
So here I am. Starting my own thread. This very topic has gotten me banned from Reddit and censored on PhpBB and IOGroups, among other places that I won't bother naming. I've tried to post stuff on the internet EVERYWHERE and it is always banned and it is not even bad or extreme or anything. I feel like my internet experience is fake and every site I visit is a pasted over version and there is a middle man with complete control over everything. I am always getting shadow banned and erased and have lost hundreds of hours of life trying to combat this thing. Being a genuine human being with even a little bit of emotion, or honest genuine intellect, is something that the internet swiftly bans and sweeps under the rug and the amount of censorship I have faced in the last few months is so insane that I know for a fact that I am not paranoid nor is it coincidental or accidental. I fear this thread will end up the same way, but sometimes things slip through the reverse proxy, and the pasted over spoofing and phishing attempts fail and perhaps the real thing becomes accessible.
Behold, the story of my life:
1. Autistic and unremarkable childhood. Hospitalized in 2018.
2. Go to college. Major in Journalism.
3. Make progress on the cases of Danny Casolaro, Eric Roskos, and Peter Kawaja.
4. Kicked out of college for protesting the campus popularity of Sally Miller Gearhart. Charged with "threatening minorities" for saying that Gearhart and her followers are terrible and evil people. Which they 100% totally are, BTW.
5. Nearly sent to jail on false charges of "property damage". The college colluded with the DA to fake it all. I never damaged anything yet multiple felonies "magically appeared" in the magistrate's books. Lawyer fought it off and won.
6. Jobless and alone.
7. Discover the relation of the Lyaponuv exponent to the natural evolution of languages. Find links between John Dee's work and the Great Mendes Stela.
8. Computer hacked. Probably had something to do with the aforenoted projects.
9. Sign up for a 3-year service contract in the US ARMY.
10. Excited about being a CBRN officer and going to the Chemical Core school. Already knew the history about Edgewood and Plum Island.
11. Knew that being CBRN was my calling in life and wearing the crossed golden flasks on my shoulders would be a dream come true. Planned on using the GI bill to go to a private school (state schools suck) and getting a degree and job in Biochemistry. I also met a man who worked for ICI and handed over the secrets of his research career to me. Because of him, I hold amazing material and am the key to unlocking its potential.
12. Jamaican Drill Sergeant tried to get me to fake a drug test. I refuse. He decides to punish me with "corrective action".
13. He makes me squat and hold weight plates out in front of me. Keeping my arms straight while my knees are bent at 90 degrees. This becomes impossible after a few hours, and my arms collapse and the weight clanks sideways onto my knees and its ridge clips them at a nasty angle.
14. He tells me he hates me because I am white and my father is rich and I look like I spend all day inside playing video games like rich white people do. I realize I've been specially targeted because of assumptions he made about me. He told me that he wanted me to die and he would torture me every day until I did. He wanted to send my "dead pale white corpse" home to my "stupid rich white father as a present".
15. I am permanently disabled and feel chronic pain all the time. My knees don't work anymore. He got me sent out of the ARMY and enjoyed crushing my dreams.
16. Service record erased. According to the VA, I was never in the ARMY at all.
17. Computer hacking gets more noticeable.
18. Can't go back to school. No money.
19. Chronic pain. Knees hurt. Can't work or get a job or return to the ARMY.
20. Family calls me a loser. "In this world, you are either smart or strong. Or else you die. And you are not smart enough for school or strong enough for the ARMY. You are worthless."
21. Homeless man jumps me from behind, stabs me, punches me in the chest multiple times. I end up in the hospital.
22. Stuck with giant hospital bill that I can't pay. Cancel lease on apartment.
23. Homeless man (black) targeted me clearly because I am white. Just the same as that Drill Sergeant. I see a pattern here with the collective behavior of this entire clique of people. They hate America. They hate whites. They will stop at nothing to attack and kill us all.
24. Months of inactivity and depression. Can't get a job anywhere. Don't want one anyway.
25. Computer hacker outright tells me that I will die in a car wreck very soon.
26. Family doesn't believe any of it. "The college would never do that"... "The ARMY would never do that"... "No hacker would ever do that"...
27. Car wreck. Was lucky to survive.
TLDR: I wanted to be a chemist and get my training through the US ARMY. A racist Drill Sergeant made it his life's goal to target and destroy me and did many illegal things but he was never caught. I tried to chase my dream but ended up permanently disabled and in chronic pain. I will never have another shot at life. I will never be happy. I want to go back into the ARMY and try again, but I wouldn't last a single day, given how badly my knees are shot. Joint fluid still comes out of the torn cartilage and even laying down and doing nothing is so painful that I want to scream. What did I do to deserve any of this? Anger some spiritual force from beyond the material world? I must have.
I plan on killing myself VERY soon. I don't actually want to die, but I have no other choice, and this is the only way to alleviate the physical pain that besieges me at all times.
Here is a list of all the things I have tried that have failed so far:
1. Nembutal
2. Hanging (didn't have rope, tried garbage bags, they where too weak)
3. Jumping from bridge onto jagged rocks
4. Trying to access roof of skyscraper
5. Making threats in order to get the cops to shoot me
6. burning, cutting, slashing, etc...
IDK what to do, I just want to get out of this prison. I am surrounded by idiots and racists and no one cares about me and I can't save myself anyhow from all the attackers that keep ruining my life. I am nothing but an autistic fox that has already been chewed up by several malicious bloodhounds. Such is the game of life, which is honestly a terrible thing.
