Why doesn’t cold approaching work?

[Weebster]

I did it twice yesterday. I got one number and gave my number to one. One I met just yesterday and won't see again because it was a doctor's office. The other I've talked to a few times at the store.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Sounds like it worked, actually, if you're exchanging numbers. So, maybe text them and ask for a date.

One I met just yesterday and won't see again because it was a doctor's office.

What?

 

[Weebster]

Sounds like it worked, actually, if you're exchanging numbers. So, maybe text them and ask for a date.

What?

No responses from either. It didn't work. I had to go to the doctor a couple days in a row so I decided to talk to one of the workers.

It's hopeless. I'm never going to meet anybody going forward. I should've gone for the ones that were a sure thing in my 20s. i fucked up

 

[Slimetae]

Idek what that is but uh at least you tried try again with some new chicks.

 

[Weebster]

Idek what that is but uh at least you tried try again with some new chicks.

It's when you don't know them that well.

The next one will probably be months away. I don't get many options and I don't know how to find more.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

It's hopeless. I'm never going to meet anybody going forward. I should've gone for the ones that were a sure thing in my 20s. i fucked up

Relatable, and I must give you respect for at least trying.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

You have way more courage than I ever did, and that's all it takes, courage and persistence putting yourself out there. If I found someone, most people can because I am a disaster.

It can be demoralizing and ego bruising but it's a numbers game. You shouldn't get frustrated after two no matter who you are if you want a reasonable shot of finding someone. They may already be with someone, not receptive to dating, playing for the other team, don't like flirting at work, etc. Aim a lot higher before you start getting frustrated or assume it's you. If you do some reflection you'll probably learn stuff as you go and improve. Maybe try asking platonic female friends or coworkers for tough love feedback if you have someone you feel comfortable talking with openly.

A disadvantage of cold approaching in random places vs. online dating is that there's only a chance the people you're approaching are even available, let alone interested. They both have their drawbacks. But both require you to desensitize about rejection, its the most important thing you can do to succeed in my opinion.

I hear you struggling and I'm sorry you're hurting. If it's important to you, keep trying is my main message because if you give up it only gets worse from there. Speaking from experience.

 

[Slimetae]

It's when you don't know them that well.

The next one will probably be months away. I don't get many options and I don't know how to find more.

Oh ok shit I don't really do that at all just keep trying you might just find one you just click with don't gotta rush it sometimes the best things start off as friendships as long as it's genuine basically what that guy said ^

 

[LongtimeLoser]

Have you watched Schitt's Creek? If not, skip to the episode where Moira gave advice on picking up men to her daughter Alexis. The advice works on both men and women.

After you have made contact with someone, such as swapping numbers, make sure to touch their hand, ever so slightly touch the middle of their back, or lightly touch their hair, etc.

It's called the love language of "touch". It may not work on the first person you try it in, maybe not even the second, but by the time you have tried it on the third person, someone's heart has melted… even if the effects aren't immediate.

I have used this method all my life. It works 100% of the time unless the other person genuinely isn't interested in a relationship with you, or if they're already taken. People enjoy knowing someone is interested in them. If used with tact, no one would take offense to a slight touch on the hand when swapping numbers and doing so will only GREATLY improve your odds.

Any women in here want to tell me I'm wrong? Any men?

 

[Weebster]

Relatable, and I must give you respect for at least trying.

Thanks. I try because I fear regret.

You have way more courage than I ever did, and that's all it takes, courage and persistence putting yourself out there. If I found someone, most people can because I am a disaster.

It can be demoralizing and ego bruising but it's a numbers game. You shouldn't get frustrated after two no matter who you are if you want a reasonable shot of finding someone. They may already be with someone, not receptive to dating, playing for the other team, don't like flirting at work, etc. Aim a lot higher before you start getting frustrated or assume it's you. If you do some reflection you'll probably learn stuff as you go and improve. Maybe try asking platonic female friends or coworkers for tough love feedback if you have someone you feel comfortable talking with openly.

A disadvantage of cold approaching in random places vs. online dating is that there's only a chance the people you're approaching are even available, let alone interested. They both have their drawbacks. But both require you to desensitize about rejection, its the most important thing you can do to succeed in my opinion.

I hear you struggling and I'm sorry you're hurting. If it's important to you, keep trying is my main message because if you give up it only gets worse from there. Speaking from experience.

Thanks for giving me perspective. I often try a few times and fail and then give up for a couple years. I have abandonment issues so rejection is a lot more painful for me than I assume it is for others. The dating game feels masochistic in my case.

 

[Hollowman]

No responses from either. It didn't work. I had to go to the doctor a couple days in a row so I decided to talk to one of the workers.

It's hopeless. I'm never going to meet anybody going forward. I should've gone for the ones that were a sure thing in my 20s. i fucked up

I didn't mean to like that (clumsy thumb)

 

[Seeking_Peace]

From my experience, a woman who likes you or finds you attractive will make it easier for you. There is no mind games. My best resources are networking between friend girls. They can vouch for you and the women are generally more perceptive than cold approaches where you're just a stranger and their guard is up. Best wishes!

 

[outatime_85]

You also have to factor in that they have more options with dating apps. So you may have to make yourself stand out even more now than ever.

 

[Weebster]

You also have to factor in that they have more options with dating apps. So you may have to make yourself stand out even more now than ever.

I'm pretty Chad-ish on a good day, but I'm sure there's a Chad-ish radish who surpasses me.