Venting Why ctb has become more difficult for me.

[Manic Panic]

I feel like the more I've learned about suicide from this website the more difficult it's gotten for me to actually commit.

It's to the point that I look at things as if they need to be perfect or I can't commit at all.
At the end of the day it just matters if I finally die it just feels as if learning everything has turned me into a perfectionist.
Researching everything over and over and over and having all the things i need but being afraid when the time comes that I'll fuck it all up and just end up paralyzed or turned into a vegetable.
I know one day I'll finally have the courage to just go all in again I just hope it's soon ... I'm getting tired of this shit.

 

[finalgoodbye:(]

I get where you are coming from and yes when I'm desperate I also feel the same way but I think ctb especially needs a lot of careful planning because if one factor goes wrong things can get much worse for the person, it's the one thing you need to be a perfectionist at because it's not something that if done wrong has absolutely no consequences like a lot of other trivial things we do on a day to day basis

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's to the point that I look at things as if they need to be perfect or I can't commit at all.

A suicide attempt should always be the first and the last one imo.

Failure is unbearable. the risk of ending up as a veggie is awful.

We need a near perfect plan to have the highest chances to succeed with the attempt.

However, overthinking can also make it more difficult.

CTB isn't easy.

 

[Dante_]

It's to the point that I look at things as if they need to be perfect or I can't commit at all.

The hardest part of all is accepting that it can't be completely perfect either, you're taking on the risk that chance will not work against you while weighing up any doubts that may cause overthinking it.