alixisbonez
Member
- Nov 15, 2025
- 20
It's taking every thing in me to not take my stitches out and find something sharp to cut it again and bleed to death
I was so close to actually dieing if I just stayed in bed or in my room I'd be dead and I would not have to deal with any of this
I cant sleep because all I see is my blood every where and I feel it I feel how it felt when I passed out and felt my heart and genuinely thought I was about to die I don't wanna remember I don't wanna deal with this I just wanted to be dead I wanted it to be over I was so close I could feel it I was almost free and ok and I couldn't have not had to remember this or deal with anything
I don't even know what to do I keep crying but I don't even feel anything I feel so much I'm I'm so numb I don't know how to explain I wish I were dead and I feel like a complete mess because I failed it wasn't even my fault I lived this time I could have died if I wasn't found if the paramedics just were a few more minutes longer I could have succeeded
Now I've just traumatized myself and my grandma who found me I'm so fucking selfish because it's still all I want I'm an awful person I've hurt people because if this just because I wanna die I hate this I hate myself I shouldn't be here anymore I've tried so hard why the fuck am I still alive
I was so close to actually dieing if I just stayed in bed or in my room I'd be dead and I would not have to deal with any of this
I cant sleep because all I see is my blood every where and I feel it I feel how it felt when I passed out and felt my heart and genuinely thought I was about to die I don't wanna remember I don't wanna deal with this I just wanted to be dead I wanted it to be over I was so close I could feel it I was almost free and ok and I couldn't have not had to remember this or deal with anything
I don't even know what to do I keep crying but I don't even feel anything I feel so much I'm I'm so numb I don't know how to explain I wish I were dead and I feel like a complete mess because I failed it wasn't even my fault I lived this time I could have died if I wasn't found if the paramedics just were a few more minutes longer I could have succeeded
Now I've just traumatized myself and my grandma who found me I'm so fucking selfish because it's still all I want I'm an awful person I've hurt people because if this just because I wanna die I hate this I hate myself I shouldn't be here anymore I've tried so hard why the fuck am I still alive
