I wish I could just peacefully and permanently free myself from this dreadful, torturous existence I just always saw as a mistake but of course I'm so cruelly denied the option to just cease existing painlessly that is guaranteed with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what instead.
It's all so terrible and dreadful to me and I just suffer so much as a result of the abomination of existence, all I hope and wish for is to never exist ever again, I just wish for an eternal sleep free from all cruelty and suffering and I always suffer so much from how I cannot just have a death like never waking ever again with no risks of it going wrong and leading to way worse suffering. I find it so terrifying how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence, for me only non-existence is positive, only in non-existence will I be at peace from this torturous, futile existence.