Discussion When did you/ Have you stopped looking for happiness/ recovery?

[Forever Sleep]

When I was younger- 20's, 30's, I was more open to trying to create change. To believe that things could get better. That I could feel happier. I was certainly buying self help books in my 20's. I eventually saw a therapist in my late 20's, early 30's. I hoped that the diagnosis of mild to moderate depression they refered me to my GP for would result in me popping the pills they prescribed and, turning things around.

In reality though, I just struggled on. The pills did nothing. The one thing that continued to help me was being creative. That continued to be my crutch for a good decade. I think maybe it's been the last 3 years I've begun to lose faith in everything. I certainly don't have the strength or motivation for big change again now. It was actually a massive relief some years back when I decided that I would only put pressure on myself to keep treading water. The prospect of trying to push for massive change- again feels too much.

Now, I start to wonder if any other course in life would have made me happy. I have a feeling, not.

How about you? Is there any hope left you could still be happy? Was there a specific time or event that made you lose faith/ the will to try? Maybe you've always felt a happy ending was unreachable?

 

[NonEssential]

For me the road to healing feels blurry, I have no idea where to start nor do I feel like I have the energy for it.
I tried to get better by going back to school and talking to a psychologist, but it didn't really help me. I was suggested to visit a hangout lounge where people met every other week, but I didn't really talk to anyone except for one girl who quickly lost interest. Now, I'm not sure if I have the energy to try anything else.
I dunno if I should be put on medication, because I'm already taking epilepsy medication and I don't want to keep paying for even more pills.

 

[wham311]

November. Id never been happier. Career had been working for 11 years, was philanthropic and donating to homeless, had friends and hobbies.

Overnight everything ended and I realized I had backed myself into a bunch of corners over the years. It's just insurmountable.

Every day I start to make progress on both and escape plan and trying to move forward but I just cannot cut employment or relationships. I am terrified of even interviewing at this point and I'm really not good at anything. I cannot imagine having to get up at 6 am everyday showering breakfast driving working.

I've tried accounting, sales, reception, fast food, restaurant, data entry, entrepreneurship, employment. Only thing I could handle was gig work and that's not profitable anymore. I'm physically weak, I'm not a naturally hard worker or good teammate, and im too fucked up now to get past an interview. And my resume is absolute balls.

Unfortunately I can't ctb either because my stomach doesn't work with sn.

Unless maybe it does? :(

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

I gave up on recovery about 3 or 4 years ago. I am not recoverable. I can be maintained in my current state but that's the best I can hope for now.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Probably in my early 50's, when I really felt the shift to having most of my life in the rearview window no matter what. I realized nothing really matters so it's a big SO WHAT for me now. But I have nothing to recover from, because to me the word "recover" means going back to a situation where I would have been "happy" or more "normal", but I've always been like this, and I'm fine with that.