Discussion what’s your relationship with sh?

[loslassen]

sorry that I keep making similar posts, the topic has just been in my mind and i feel a lot better when i'm able to talk about it with people without getting judged or them getting worried about me and snooping around my privacy like most close people would do irl.

so far for me self harm is something ambiguous and double-bladed, I know it can range from just pinching yourself to the worst permanent damage injuries possible. i have not reached out to professional or psychological sources to understand it yet, so to be fair it's an extremely unknown field of data for me, which encourages me to want and hear it from people themselves, therefore; what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

I used to bruise myself up with objects and rubber bands as well as bleeding my nose out just to touch the blood, but i stopped and never did anything of the sorts for almost two years. just a couple of days ago i tried cutting, which was shockingly satisfying, even though it's short lived, i actively want to do it again.

by the way, disclaimer that I am in no way encouraging this, in the end of the day it is harm to the person and nothing of the sorts should be acceptable to recommend. i find it comforting being able to talk about my own experience without shame and in seek of answers, reasons, and listening to others' experiences.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

None whatsoever. I hate the slightest damage to my body. As you can imagine, this is an obstacle to suicide. I just want to turn off! I don't want to blow my head up or even bruise my neck.

 

[UserFromNowhere]

Never used to do it, never saw the point, then I picked up a blade a couple weeks back and enjoyed watching the blood pour out. Now I'm addicted and can't stop.

 

[haihaihai]

when i was younger & felt i did something wrong (to my parents, friends, etc), id stab my thighs with a pencil. i cut now, often after arguments or also because i did something wrong. its punishment, i think. i don't like it and regret it after, idont go deep and it still stings like hell especially when you're laying in bed. it's impulsive, and the rush makes me not feel so bad for at least an hour after. i wish i never started, my thighs look weird lol.

 

[joegoes100]

sorry that I keep making similar posts, the topic has just been in my mind and i feel a lot better when i'm able to talk about it with people without getting judged or them getting worried about me and snooping around my privacy like most close people would do irl.

so far for me self harm is something ambiguous and double-bladed, I know it can range from just pinching yourself to the worst permanent damage injuries possible. i have not reached out to professional or psychological sources to understand it yet, so to be fair it's an extremely unknown field of data for me, which encourages me to want and hear it from people themselves, therefore; what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

I used to bruise myself up with objects and rubber bands as well as bleeding my nose out just to touch the blood, but i stopped and never did anything of the sorts for almost two years. just a couple of days ago i tried cutting, which was shockingly satisfying, even though it's short lived, i actively want to do it again.

by the way, disclaimer that I am in no way encouraging this, in the end of the day it is harm to the person and nothing of the sorts should be acceptable to recommend. i find it comforting being able to talk about my own experience without shame and in seek of answers, reasons, and listening to others' experiences.

I'm going to try not to vent, but I'll share as much as I can think of, so it's probably going to be all over the place.
October 20th I started cutting my self. At first it was for relieving stress and pressure, but it quickly changed to whenever I was frustrated with my self or angry I would do it. At the same time my hatred for my self grew a lot.
I started with face razors and moved on to heavy duty razor blades.
I'm addicted now. I've tried to quit but at the slightest inconvenience I feel as if I need to. I've been trying to do it strictly where my underwear cover because I am a wrestler and my singlet needs to cover it, but I broke my collarbone and can't wrestle so I do it up and down my thigh now.
When I don't cut I feel depressed and disassociated. I guess it's also fueled by how much I hate my self but that's a separate story, and I guess it makes me feel normal in a way.
Someone found out and told my school counselor (still don't know who) so I thought coming clean would make things better, she had to tell my parents. Turns out everything is completely worse. I just hate my self more and cut deeper/more now. I've even attempted suicide twice since then.
I still don't really understand why I do it and why I can't stop, and I probably never will.
Overall I guess my relationship is that I'm completely reliant on self harm.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

when i was younger i would burn and bite myself. now i sometimes cut or bruise myself. but i worry about the cutting giving me an infection or something that would just feel gross, or it being seen by someone. i've been a little scared out of it right nwo but i still really have the desire.

 

[loslassen]

None whatsoever. I hate the slightest damage to my body. As you can imagine, this is an obstacle to suicide. I just want to turn off! I don't want to blow my head up or even bruise my neck.

yeah I totally get this, specially with how stigmatized depression is and how you clearly don't need to SH to "qualify", which many people don't address.

I'm going to try not to vent, but I'll share as much as I can think of, so it's probably going to be all over the place.
October 20th I started cutting my self. At first it was for relieving stress and pressure, but it quickly changed to whenever I was frustrated with my self or angry I would do it. At the same time my hatred for my self grew a lot.
I started with face razors and moved on to heavy duty razor blades.
I'm addicted now. I've tried to quit but at the slightest inconvenience I feel as if I need to. I've been trying to do it strictly where my underwear cover because I am a wrestler and my singlet needs to cover it, but I broke my collarbone and can't wrestle so I do it up and down my thigh now.
When I don't cut I feel depressed and disassociated. I guess it's also fueled by how much I hate my self but that's a separate story, and I guess it makes me feel normal in a way.
Someone found out and told my school counselor (still don't know who) so I thought coming clean would make things better, she had to tell my parents. Turns out everything is completely worse. I just hate my self more and cut deeper/more now. I've even attempted suicide twice since then.
I still don't really understand why I do it and why I can't stop, and I probably never will.
Overall I guess my relationship is that I'm completely reliant on self harm.

I get the self hatred part, I've been increasingly upset at myself and I don't doubt that's one of the reasons why I'm doing it now…

 

[colorlesshue]

i've been self harming since I was eight years old, for me it's always been a natural instinct to bite myself when I was angry or overwhelmed. Now i'm older, and I cut myself frequently. It's a weird sense of safety for me, that no matter what someone does to me or has done I can always do worse. It's a weird feeling of "reclaiming" my own body by ruining it, if that makes any sense.

 

[fuzzypeach]

i have never been the type of person to cut myself, but i would grab like metal sticks and hit my head with them. also, taking a bunch of sleeping pills at once. then i stopped doing that, and started using pens to draw (aggressively) on my thighs. but its been a couple of years since i did any of this

 

[loslassen]

i've been self harming since I was eight years old, for me it's always been a natural instinct to bite myself when I was angry or overwhelmed. Now i'm older, and I cut myself frequently. It's a weird sense of safety for me, that no matter what someone does to me or has done I can always do worse. It's a weird feeling of "reclaiming" my own body by ruining it, if that makes any sense.

man I can't begin to imagine, it must be tough.

 

[violetforever]

what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

i turn to it in moments where i am hysterical or very stressed. it kind of shocks me to the point of being able to calm down having let my emotions out. i spend the next few weeks with a sort of awe for all the dark painful bruises i gave myself. i think i like that feeling afterwards of being delicate and hurt. my sister is aware i cut myself in the past and she told me she never self harmed because she never thought it would make her feel better. i agreed when she asked but i lied. it does help me in a way.

 

[loslassen]

i turn to it in moments where i am hysterical or very stressed. it kind of shocks me to the point of being able to calm down having let my emotions out. i spend the next few weeks with a sort of awe for all the dark painful bruises i gave myself. i think i like that feeling afterwards of being delicate and hurt. my sister is aware i cut myself in the past and she told me she never self harmed because she never thought it would make her feel better. i agreed when she asked but i lied. it does help me in a way.

I fr get this, it also helps me calm down when I'm super stressed, thinking of doing it soon…

 

[MaxStirner]

I used to engage in cutting and scraping, but I was so messed up in the head back then (even moreso, now) that the relief many people claimed to get from it never came. I got more adrenaline trying to hide the damage from other people. I was actually really good at it, for the most part.

 

[thrim]

I've never been able to build up the guts to properly do it. When I wanted to though it was a moment where I felt totally apathetic and just wanted to feel something. But my cat was right next to me when I was holding the razor and only stared at me, which for some reason, had be vowing to never attempt it again. Other than that, I tend to pick at my fingers or bite the inside of my cheek until they bleed. It doesn't hurt much, and it's mostly out of habit now ᓚᘏᗢ it brings an odd sense of relief sometimes

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

terrible lol. my thighs are destroyed. i regret ever doing it. i have nerve damage now.

 

[kufajoy]

Pain really calm me down but I hate scar so I use iv cannula and push saline. Sounds stupid but it does works

 

[suicidal_tendencies]

what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

My relationship with sh can be described as follows: I do it to feel how worthless I am, to relieve stress, sometimes to punish myself (that's mainly when I'm doing sh through not eating, but then I binge eat some time later, it's really not that smart) and to do something I like that is relaxing in a way before another day where I can't do things I like. So I do it especially, when at the next day there's some event I actually don't want to participate in because either it's some social interaction, a thing I don't know about how it'll be or something I plain do not have the motivation and will to do. So yeah for me self harm means mainly stress relieve and feeling worthless for me and getting scars that at first look really beautiful but with time get really ugly. And sh gives me some kind of high i dunno, like, it's the feeling during and shortly after the cuts that I really like.

 

[NonEssential]

I used to do it when I was around 17. Fortunately I had switched to cutting thighs instead of arms so there's only four sh scars on my right arm and the ones on my thighs are difficult to spot.

 

[moralfag]

For me, it's a way to safely take out anger without hurting those around me. In a way, I'm very thankful I discovered self-harm. I'm borderline, and although most of the time I feel the same feeling of emptiness, sometimes certain events can trigger my emotions to the point where I have to hurt someone around me. As a teen I dabbled in various online forums, including multiple shooter forums, and my anger at the people around me had gotten to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if I'd actually killed someone before I discovered self-harm. It made me feel awful to know I was capable of hurting others so much, and although I've never done anything to physically harm anyone else, just knowing that I wanted to was a shock to my system. That's when I turned to self-harm, where I could finally harm someone in the way I wanted to without actually harming anyone. Anytime I get violent thoughts nowadays, I just take them out on myself until they go away. The world is cruel and I do not want anyone else to go through the same abuse I had to, so I will just stick to hurting myself until the end. If someone has to be hurt, I'd rather it be me.

 

[loslassen]

For me, it's a way to safely take out anger without hurting those around me. In a way, I'm very thankful I discovered self-harm. I'm borderline, and although most of the time I feel the same feeling of emptiness, sometimes certain events can trigger my emotions to the point where I have to hurt someone around me. As a teen I dabbled in various online forums, including multiple shooter forums, and my anger at the people around me had gotten to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if I'd actually killed someone before I discovered self-harm. It made me feel awful to know I was capable of hurting others so much, and although I've never done anything to physically harm anyone else, just knowing that I wanted to was a shock to my system. That's when I turned to self-harm, where I could finally harm someone in the way I wanted to without actually harming anyone. Anytime I get violent thoughts nowadays, I just take them out on myself until they go away. The world is cruel and I do not want anyone else to go through the same abuse I had to, so I will just stick to hurting myself until the end. If someone has to be hurt, I'd rather it be me.

I get you, like a lot…

 

[Nightingale93]

I cut myself a few times back in 2017, then a little deeper on my right arm back in 2024 due to some awful stressful day at my then job. Fighting the urge to go back to doing it, but I feel like I might relapse any day now.

 

[TANETS]

sorry that I keep making similar posts, the topic has just been in my mind and i feel a lot better when i'm able to talk about it with people without getting judged or them getting worried about me and snooping around my privacy like most close people would do irl.

so far for me self harm is something ambiguous and double-bladed, I know it can range from just pinching yourself to the worst permanent damage injuries possible. i have not reached out to professional or psychological sources to understand it yet, so to be fair it's an extremely unknown field of data for me, which encourages me to want and hear it from people themselves, therefore; what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

I used to bruise myself up with objects and rubber bands as well as bleeding my nose out just to touch the blood, but i stopped and never did anything of the sorts for almost two years. just a couple of days ago i tried cutting, which was shockingly satisfying, even though it's short lived, i actively want to do it again.

by the way, disclaimer that I am in no way encouraging this, in the end of the day it is harm to the person and nothing of the sorts should be acceptable to recommend. i find it comforting being able to talk about my own experience without shame and in seek of answers, reasons, and listening to others' experiences.

I've done it a few times but I didn't see the point. It never distracted me or made me feel better or numb. I find sleep and daydreaming superior.

 

[wet_towel]

what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

She is the only one here for me. I do it when I'm bored, happy, sad, mad, no matter the occasion, if I feel like doing it, I'll do it, but I don't always want to do it. I have no reason to stop as I feel no guilt or regret afterwards, no matter the physical consequences, I assumed nerve damage would change that, but it had the opposite effect. It makes me feel in control and powerful and euphoric, and with no internal motivation to stop, I don't see the harm in continuing

 

[metfan647]

I've convinced myself it's just a really pointless activity with no end goal. I did it quite impulsively a couple of years ago under a massive amount of stress and I quickly started defaulting to wanting to do it evertime I felt overwhelmed. It's a very slippery slope once I start so I took myself out before aquiring the taste. Ctb will be my ultimate SH and that's inevitable.

 

[toothpaste]

sorry that I keep making similar posts, the topic has just been in my mind and i feel a lot better when i'm able to talk about it with people without getting judged or them getting worried about me and snooping around my privacy like most close people would do irl.

so far for me self harm is something ambiguous and double-bladed, I know it can range from just pinching yourself to the worst permanent damage injuries possible. i have not reached out to professional or psychological sources to understand it yet, so to be fair it's an extremely unknown field of data for me, which encourages me to want and hear it from people themselves, therefore; what's your relationship with sh? what does it mean for you, why do you do it?

I used to bruise myself up with objects and rubber bands as well as bleeding my nose out just to touch the blood, but i stopped and never did anything of the sorts for almost two years. just a couple of days ago i tried cutting, which was shockingly satisfying, even though it's short lived, i actively want to do it again.

by the way, disclaimer that I am in no way encouraging this, in the end of the day it is harm to the person and nothing of the sorts should be acceptable to recommend. i find it comforting being able to talk about my own experience without shame and in seek of answers, reasons, and listening to others' experiences.

i began to cut on one random day to see if it would help with emotional pain. it was definitely a distraction. im gonna sound like a nerd LOL but when the skin breaks or is damaged (cut) the body begins to work on closing it up immediately and swells your skin, which makes it superrr itchy ((at least for me) and also the blood is pretty to look at. so its just a distraction while i cry or not think about suicide.

 

[loslassen]

i began to cut on one random day to see if it would help with emotional pain. it was definitely a distraction. im gonna sound like a nerd LOL but when the skin breaks or is damaged (cut) the body begins to work on closing it up immediately and swells your skin, which makes it superrr itchy ((at least for me) and also the blood is pretty to look at. so its just a distraction while i cry or not think about suicide.

that's interesting I've never gotten itchy before, but I get you, the distraction part is a big factor for me as well

 

[toothpaste]

that's interesting I've never gotten itchy before, but I get you, the distraction part is a big factor for me as well

it could also be that i used to have a dirty cheap knife, so maybe it was a chemical reaction. i dont know.

 

[pax420]

when I was 10-13 years old I used to bash my head into walls and door jams I would cut my arms and watch myself bleed. Both would kind of relieve pressure in my head. I didn't really have feelings then. I guess you would call that sh. I don't know but one day I started doing it and I day I stopped doing it. I still don't understand me 46 years later I'm still fucked in the head

 

[FadingSnowFake]

My bf used to burn his hands with cigarettes. I didn't understand it then or even know about sh at the time. He used to say that he doesn't feel anything or that "pain is just weakness leaving the body". I think he wanted to see how much pain he could take before really feeling anything. He doesn't like to talk about his struggles with depression and was suicidal at the time of the sh. I was never into sh myself, but I think for him it was also a form of release of whatever feelings he bottled up since he didn't want to talk about it.