Whats the big idea?

[xBones]

hey guys it's been awhile. I tried to stay off this site to 're-sensitize my brain' to the thought of me dying but I ended up just not giving a shit again lol. Anyways, why does my fam care so much about me dying? like I get it you'll 'miss me' but I am over it. I have seen what the world has to offer and I don't want it, it's like I don't care abou it. and call me lazy but I don't want to put in the effort to make my life 'great', I already fucked up big time and continue fucking up everyday and it's tiring.
sorry for ranting, this is my first post in awhile and I'm word vomiting :P