What’s keeping you from CTB?

[mythesiah]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

 

[playalistic]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

i'm gonna make a bucketlist of places & people i need to see & music i need to listen to one last time before i die
after i finish that bucketlist i will be at peace
im gonna drive everywhere in a 2-3 hour radius that has ever had sentimental value to me. some places will be difficult to visit due to the memories attached im ngl. but i definitely need to do it before i go. will make the decision to ctb easier when the time comes

i also have a lot of arrangements i need to make, my will, letter, final texts/emails to send, whatever

i'll hopefully be outa here by september or october, sometime after my 21st bday

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Fear of the dying process and/or failing.

 

[gracefulexit]

What's keeping you from CTB?

I have my own reasons. I want to hear yours as well.

Trying to find a good painless way to ctb.

 

[Manic Panic]

Timing , my depression makes me attach to my bed...

 

[TransTaxEvader]

For the moment, it's my fiancé.

 

[TooManyChances]

Resources and SI are a big reason.

I tried drowning, it was beyond scary to say the least, I tried twice and knew it wasn't gonna happen. SI is crazy.

I don't want to try the traditional methods of drowning, hanging or jumping cause they might fail and require planning and timing.

Guns are off-limits. No access in a legal way. I don't trust someone enough to sell me one. Besides, the gunshot method could fail so it's not bulletproof.

Overdoses almost never work, so I'm not trying that and giving myself a bad trip. SN might work, but I can't just order it. I don't love alone and can't leave alone.

I'm trying my own method, it's vsed with extra steps. Trying to induce myself hypokalemia and hypomagnesemia. Hopefully, my heart stops beating. This will take a hell of a long time tho, weeks or months. Probably won't work, but I'll lose weight in the process.

If you mean what's stopping me emotionally, well, nothing lol. Tho I still think it's a shame I didn't get to experience more things.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because I exist in this horrific anti-suicide world where I'm denied the option to cease existing peacefully that is guaranteed with suicide seen as a crime, it's all so terrible and dreadful to me and no matter what I'll always see it as an abomination to suffer in this existence I always saw as a mistake.

I'd just always prefer to not exist than suffer so unnecessarily in this deeply undesirable, dreadful existence just to decay and die anyway, I always suffer so much from being burdened with this torturous, futile existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel, all I want is to not exist, only non-existence is positive for me and is all that can bring me any peace.

 

[NeroJune9th]

Uncertainty of the effectiveness of the methods available to me. Also I'm just so tired, I barely have the energy to get out of bed, much less "ctb".

 

[Grog]

I have good friends that make my life worth living~

 

[failedmind]

my mom. also im scared. :(

 

[NoHorizon]

Fear. That'll it won't work, that it'll be agonising, that the aftermath if I don't succeed will be horrible, but the only reason for me is just different forms of fear.

 

[popcorn1234]

It's mainly logistical reasons (I live with my dad and my mom (my mom isn't a good parent and my dad kind of just wants to keep the family together, even though deep down inside, he knows what she is capable of)) and the fear of not succeeding CTB (I could end up in a psych ward, which is the last place I want to be. They treated me like I was less than human).

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

My partner and the fact that it's going to be excruciating and brutal.

 

[Defenestration]

Family, Alzheimer mother

 

[Lyn]

My partner. That's all.