What will you do on your last day/in your final moments

[TheHolySword]

On your last day, as you begin your preparations and get ready for what comes after, what else will you be doing?

Are you going to watch any movies or episodes of a favorite TV show? Last minute writings or artworks? Many of us find comfort in music, will you have a playlist planned for the day? Any special books you'll want to read again? I think in my mind I don't want to be so hyper focused on the main task that I will forget to plan something to do in the idle time. Is there anything you will want to experience one last time? Is there something specific you will want to do as you are CTBing?

For me, I will probably watch my favorite movies leading up to the day. Then on the day of I'll watch different episodes of different shows that all gave me comfort. I'll read my favorite book one last time. I'll call my brother and chat with him for awhile. I'll look through pictures and messages and reminisce about all the good and bad and sad things of life. And then when it's time I'm going to put on my brothers spotify playlist, lay down, and wait to sleep.

 

[Forveleth]

Nothing different than any other day. Making it an "event" means more of a chance for SI to kick in. I'm probably going to hang so I'll get up and eat breakfast like normal, wait to be alone in the house, put on my headphones and go for it.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Feeling finally happy Knowing finally I did something rational and did something that I really wanted to do kill myself

 

[Gstreater]

Eat whatever I want, drink whatever I want and if it all goes to plan I get to fall asleep and never wake up.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Not sure, not really have any favourite things anymore. Maybe just focus on getting the task done. Have some weed some time before, be high for a while.

 

[been__ready]

Give thanks for the good moments I did have.. and go out with a smile on my face. That's my main focus in the run up, to make peace as much as possible even though it can be hard when I've resented people/situations that have gotten me here. But in the end it was my path I guess and I did also have some great experiences along the way - so I'd like to focus on holding onto the memories of those and forgiving those who hurt me and forgiving myself for those I hurt in return… 🕊

 

[ramon]

I'd try to go with my life as usual. Not for the sake of it, but as a means to pacify myself as I'm pretty sure SI will be haunting me.

Doing anything meaninful like travelling, finishing that project you abandoned, donating your belongings, indulging in something you normally wouldn't indulge in becomes (partially) not enjoyable as the ideas of CTB clash with the ideas of your SI.

 

[Namelesa]

If I did have a planned ctb day then I would probably play through the Survivor playthrough of Rain World as the game is literally about suffering and surviving in a broken eco-system and a world full of danger and the main ending is to find a way to die forever. The whole game and ending is honestly one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. This game makes my views of suicide and life feel seen.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

There's nothing in life that I cared about in the first place so I wouldn't really do anything aside from what is required in the suicide method such as deleting my account here, sending scheduled emails to my parents and so forth.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'd probably just go about my day as normal. I live with my parents so that makes it more likely to just carry on as usual.

Actually, I made a stupid attempt once that was totally planned. I was really irked that I spent half the afternoon Working with my mother to do stuff with our banking. I kept thinking what was the point I was going to be dead after today anyway. So hopefully I could have a normal day but more peaceful. But if I ever try again, I will be nervous as hell so that affects things too

 

[foreverlanguish]

I don't know, I'll probably listen to my favorite music, maybe look at some motivational quotes and helpful posts from here, eat some good food, read my comic, and just try to relax as much as possible. Just anything to distract myself from my fears and SI will be helpful...

 

[hop33xit]

I think I'll just remain detached, reflecting on everything that has happened...

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

It's hard to say exactly, but I'll be staying in a nice hotel and I'll definitely have breakfast there, it's amazing. I'll probably go into town for a bit to kill time. Usually I lay in bed 90% of the day so I'll do a lot of that, too. My problem is that almost anything I do triggers sad memories, and I don't want to get myself too upset to CTB so I'll have to be careful about what I plan to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

All I personally hope and wish for is to die in peace and never suffer ever again, I just want to peacefully cease existing and that is it, if I had the option to just die painlessly I'd be so relieved that I'm able to free myself from all future suffering and I never have to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence ever again as ceasing to exist truly is all I see as desirable. I'd always prefer to painlessly cease existing than be burdened with this existence and I suffer simply from existing, personally I just wish for non-existence, it's all I've ever hoped for, I'm so tired of suffering in this existence I never would have chose.

 

[shrizoid]

On your last day, as you begin your preparations and get ready for what comes after, what else will you be doing?

Are you going to watch any movies or episodes of a favorite TV show? Last minute writings or artworks? Many of us find comfort in music, will you have a playlist planned for the day? Any special books you'll want to read again? I think in my mind I don't want to be so hyper focused on the main task that I will forget to plan something to do in the idle time. Is there anything you will want to experience one last time? Is there something specific you will want to do as you are CTBing?

For me, I will probably watch my favorite movies leading up to the day. Then on the day of I'll watch different episodes of different shows that all gave me comfort. I'll read my favorite book one last time. I'll call my brother and chat with him for awhile. I'll look through pictures and messages and reminisce about all the good and bad and sad things of life. And then when it's time I'm going to put on my brothers spotify playlist, lay down, and wait to sleep.

I'll say my gooodbyes to certain people, write my suicide note for when I'm found, and I'll also do a lot of repenting and praying before I start my final actions

 

[LukaParrot]

My last day 10-jan, so....

Since SN is going to be my retirement, eat something light, enjoy for last time my tiny little birds, put a lot of water and food (the white one in my profile is gone, ah, i loved that tiny white bird), water my coconut tree in my balcony.

Take a last ride in my car smoking some cig, take a long shower, watch some crap on youtube. Well nothing fancy and not like, not going to do A or B because I may give up.

When the nights comes, do the "ritual" SN procedures, lay in my bed and die. No more cry, i'm tired of crying, gonna ask for forgiveness to GOD, to my deceased Father, to my Mother and my Sister. I didnt want to cause suffering to my mother and sister but I cant live anymore in function of them, hope that my apartment, my car, my belongings with worth a good money bring them a little conform and help them to procced their journey.

 

[pariah80]

I'm going to check into my hotel room, take an edible, and prepare everything. Afterwards, I'm going to the movies to watch Nosferatu, then going for a walk downtown, and finally out to STK Steakhouse. I'll head back to the hotel room, have one last beer, and call it a day.

 

[L'absent]

I would stay focused on all the details of the plan. I would remain clear headed and without alcohol or drug use.

 

[EternalLight]

Ideally, I'd like to bury the few of my most sentimental objects in a peaceful place. But after that, it'd be pleasant to spend the rest of the time thinking of the few joyful times in my life, listen to music that reminds me of those times, express gratitude to life that I got to experience them, and pray for forgiveness for any wrong I've ever done to other living beings. I do that sometimes anyway, but I can't imagine doing anything else.

 

[Syrka]

I would stay at home all day. Maybe watching news about this shitty society. Then checking that I am calm and mentally prepared. Finally I would write the farewell letter.
You don't have to write it before because they can catch you...

 

[SadRatQueen]

I would probably go over my note and rewrite it to capture my true feelings in the moment. I will be sure to leave my password to my phone so they can have access to my diary so they could understand a little why I did what I did. I would also try to make sure my room is clean, as I don't want to burden them with an extra mess to worry about.

As for what I will do personally for myself? Honestly not sure. My first attempt I watched videos on youtube and wrote some personal poetry. Never been much of a music listener, I don't want to go out crying.

 

[themummyreturns]

Clean and tidy my house, prep. for CTB, post my suicide notes. Boring stuff really lol!

 

[Euthanza]

Lying on a coach or bed with view, peace and quiet while listening to music, suicide is painless smooth jazz on repeat.

No need for happiness not sad either, no surprise and lastly no failure.

 

[Peace2peace]

My last day 10-jan, so....

Since SN is going to be my retirement, eat something light, enjoy for last time my tiny little birds, put a lot of water and food (the white one in my profile is gone, ah, i loved that tiny white bird), water my coconut tree in my balcony.

Take a last ride in my car smoking some cig, take a long shower, watch some crap on youtube. Well nothing fancy and not like, not going to do A or B because I may give up.

When the nights comes, do the "ritual" SN procedures, lay in my bed and die. No more cry, i'm tired of crying, gonna ask for forgiveness to GOD, to my deceased Father, to my Mother and my Sister. I didnt want to cause suffering to my mother and sister but I cant live anymore in function of them, hope that my apartment, my car, my belongings with worth a good money bring them a little conform and help them to procced their journey.

What's your method?

 

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

I'm thinking my day is coming up soon.

So far the day is planned with me feeding my birds and going to say "hi" to my grandparents. I don't know if I should write them a note. I've written a large note for everyone- but honestly I don't know what I'd say. Sorry, I suppose. That I'll miss them. That even if their religion is right I won't ever see them again? I'll probably come out in that letter if I write it. They deserve that, at least.

Besides that, it'll be trying to make my parent's house as neat and tidy as possible. At 1:30 I'll be going to my intensive outpatient therapy and leaving at 5. I'll be going home, eating dinner and sharing laughs with the family one last time, doing as best as I can to avoid making anyone suspicious. I'll schedule the emails to my therapists letting them know I won't be making it to therapy anymore, so that way they don't have to call to find out what happened- they'll already know.

By 9:45 pm I'll drop my fiancé off at work. I'll give him a kiss and a hug. I'll miss his warmth the most and I probably won't be able to say goodbye without choking up. If anyone suspects anything, it'll be him, and it'll be right about here.

By 10 I'll be parked in a nearby parking lot. I'll shut my car off and probably put a picture of my fiancé on my phone. I'll do it then, with luck I'll be dead by 10:30pm. I already have suicide notes in my wallet. One to my fiancé directly, and the other for the poor guy who finds my body to ID me and my next of kin. I might listen to "The Parting Glass" by Cara Dillon right before, but otherwise it'll be silence until the moment of truth.

 

[neenie]

I think I'll make sure no one can find me for a few hours, put on some music / a comforting youtube video and maybe I'll make a goodbye thread to report my attempt :)

 

[luckytwice]

If I'm still conscious, plan on playing a little bit of Webkinz and watching the pilot episode of Psych for the millionth time! I'll have my favorite songs on repeat, so knowing what my last song will be might come as a suprise.

After? Just... Rest. My whole life, I've never had a moment to truly, properly just rest, so I'll probably try to enjoy the final (hopefully quiet) moments of the longest nap of my life, haha!

Love,
Lucky

 

[JesiBel]

The first thing I will do is to prepare my suicide note, where I will say where the money for my cremation is.

I will tear up the notebook where I have all my passwords written down, look at my sketchbooks and drawings, choose my favourite clothes for that moment, take a bath, put on some perfume..

And hope that things turn out as planned..

 

[death_bed221]

I need to make some amazing note that will make my mom not blame herself cuz its really not her fault at all. I want to listen to my favorite music while I look at the stars.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I will sleep and go numb and distance any further distractions as my last days will be that day of when I will feel the last sense of happiness I once felt before all of this...