Discussion What to do when suicide is not an option

[thejumper]

Jumper here.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 16-17, I'm 22 now. Over the course of the last 6 years, I've come to the conclusion that suicide isn't an option for me. I have a lot of personal and objective reasons, but I find it hard to cope with day to day living.

I have low grade depression and can't seem to snap out of it. I'm tired of leading a miserable existence, and since suicide isn't an option either, I don't know what to do.

I've had increasing passive suicidal ideation for 2 months or so, so I'm naturally concerned. I'm 99.99 % sure I will never act on it, but I just need some options.

The emotional pain is sometimes so much that I have developed a physical pain in my heart. I'm not making any progress in life and my mental health hasn't gotten any better either, apart from active SI until I botched my suicide attempt over 2 years ago.

My mind feels like a very dark place, and it craves even darker stuff over time. My desires and thoughts have gotten weirder and darker over the years, and I'm afraid at some point they will culminate in something undesirable. I'm a naturally reserved person, but I don't know how long this will last. This is not an indication that I will commit suicide at some point, but something else, something that I can't quite describe.

Anyway, peace to everyone out there

 

[MBG]

See a psychiatrist or psychologist ASAP.

If you won't do that look into online ketamine therapy, MDMA and Magic mushrooms.

Watch Jordan Peterson videos on organizing your bedroom, your days and your life. Develop a routine for regular sleeping hours, meals and exercise.

Socialize. Join a church or a club.