What is your reason for wanting to ctb?

[Daystavro]

Everyone has their own reason to wanting to ctb.
For me it's that i'm 26 male but I have no financial future.
No financial and no social future.

 

[Circles]

Everyone has their own reason to wanting to ctb.
For me it's that i'm 26 male but I have no financial future.
No financial and no social future.

Well it's a combination of a lot a things. Your reason is one of my own but even if I had a job with financial security that I would like I still wouldn't enjoy it long enough to justify the very reason why I do it which is to survive. My other reasons are basically: dislike for existence, working my entire life doing manual labor work being a wage slave, back/knee pain, I don't enjoy anything, grief, loneliness, despair, insomnia, tired of conforming to a twisted society, bad memories, outcast, mental illness, aging/health, etc etc. I have too many reasons to die but few for wanting to live.

 

[worldexploder]

35 years of neuroticism and mental torture. I got so many reasons I could write a book about it.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Poor mental health, bad physical health, financial setbacks, no education, no job, no friends, no work experience, countless failed relationships, non-stop disillusionment. I think that about sums it up.

 

[Daystavro]

Poor mental health, bad physical health, financial setbacks, no education, no job, no friends, no work experience, countless failed relationships, non-stop disillusionment. I think that about sums it up.

Yeah, I have no friends either.
But I want a gf more than friends but I am too shy to ever get one.
I also have no education because it was too stressful for me I dropped out.
I have social anxiety.
I hate being around people.
They make me feel bad.
That's why I have no social or financial future.

Well it's a combination of a lot a things. Your reason is one of my own but even if I had a job with financial security that I would like I still wouldn't enjoy it long enough to justify the very reason why I do it which is to survive. My other reasons are basically: dislike for existence, working my entire life doing manual labor work being a wage slave, back/knee pain, I don't enjoy anything, grief, loneliness, despair, insomnia, tired of conforming to a twisted society, bad memories, outcast, mental illness, aging/health, etc etc. I have too many reasons to die but few for wanting to live.

Yeah I hate society too.
People are evil and only treat you bad and make you feel bad about yourself.

 

[Dog Food]

Life.

 

[Over it]

I am 2 yrs out of a 15 year narcissistic abusive relationship/ marriage. It broke me. HE broke me. He took my soul, my happiness, my love of life, my want to be the best mother I can be to my children, my feeling I am a decent person.
Instead I am a physically and emotionally drained and lost soul, lonely, and mentally fucked in so many ways I don't know where to start.

 

[wanttodie]

Well it's a combination of a lot a things way i want to die

 

[jake]

i think i am one of those people who just never should have existed in the first place. i have never added any value to anyone or anything. i've made my family's lives worse, in fact. i think that there are sometimes people who are so worthless and bad that the world is better without them. i know that is what i am, and i feel like doing this will be maybe the first -- and only -- good thing i have ever done in my life. i know for sure that my kids' lives will be better when i am gone. it is the only way that i can give them a chance at normal, happy, and successful lives. so the short answer is that i'm doing it because i am a worthless piece of human garbage.

 

[Kim]

I am 2 yrs out of a 15 year narcissistic abusive relationship/ marriage. It broke me. HE broke me. He took my soul, my happiness, my love of life, my want to be the best mother I can be to my children, my feeling I am a decent person.
Instead I am a physically and emotionally drained and lost soul, lonely, and mentally fucked in so many ways I don't know where to start.

Almost the same story. 15 years in an similar relationship...HE broke me too. I'm sorry for you, because I think I can understand you in most things.

 

[I've waited so long]

i'm just really tired, i wake up tired and so fucking unhappy. i feel like a ghost, i have no personality no idea what i'm doing, i'm just observing people, not understanding what there doing with there life and wondering why they continue there shit lives and why i continue my mine.
26yr no education no idea of the future, when i was 16 i told someone i'd probably kill myself before 30. :)

 

[I've waited so long]

ALSO WORKING FOR MOST OF MY LIFE IS ENOUGH FOR ME TOO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND.

 

[Lunar]

Too many reasons that I don't have the energy to type, but simply put life itself. I want no part in it.

 

[Dr. Z]

Have 2 kids, 1 autistic, maybe im autistic too. My wife got pregnant again, and depression got me hard. Im a gamedev, working on a title for almost 5 years with my own money, but things got difficult, and I dont feel a reason to stay aline. I just want to sleep, and never wake up.

 

[Made4TV]

I am 2 yrs out of a 15 year narcissistic abusive relationship/ marriage. It broke me. HE broke me. He took my soul, my happiness, my love of life, my want to be the best mother I can be to my children, my feeling I am a decent person.
Instead I am a physically and emotionally drained and lost soul, lonely, and mentally fucked in so many ways I don't know where to start.

I can relate. I'm sorry.

 

[Anon1337]

Because my life in the future will be full of hardship. Once my parents die, I'm screwed.

 

[Mljonzy]

I'm 29 and feeling like i'm getting too old for this shit i just hate life it's awful. I have too many problems and know i will die enventually but for me life isn't worth waiting around to die i want it over with i was done 10 years ago just trying to push myself to suicide to get this shit over with.

 

[Cee]

sometimes im scared of myself. im a failure and disappointment even at living up to my self destructive goals. envious of basically everyone to the extent that i cant even watch shows that make me jealous of a life that doesnt exist. If hell is real, ill be in the envy ring.

 

[Sick Boy]

Mental illness

 

[Jon86]

Poor physical health, that is permanent and progressive. Over time it's lead to isolation, bankruptcy, decades long depression, etc.

 

[millefeui]

I don't like living in this world/reality. Never did, spent most of my life fantasizing stuff inside my head

I don't like how I look

I don't like where I was born (city/country)

I am getting old (biologically aging past a certain age sucks)

My mental health isn't the best.

Expanding on that, I have terrible anxiety that only gets worse as years passes

I am lazy as hell

 

[cupio dissolvi]

An obsession I can't get rid of, plain and simple. And I better chase my foolish and unattainable dreams away for good.

 

[Rocky M]

There are many reasons, but I'll only mention my main 3 as usual to save you all time:

I have been emotionally and mentally abused by the people who claim to be my family.

I want to show a certain someone in my life that suicide is all too real. They wanna exploit people's suffering to gain attention?!?! I'm sorry, but that's not how it works! I am spitey, and I will teach them a lesson!

I am guilty of hurting the only friend I had. She probably wants me dead now. I will try to talk to her before I go, just to say hello. I won't tell her what I'm doing, as that's what drove her away in the first place, but it would be nice to have the last person I interact with be someone who used to care for me and who I still care for very much. I've already tried talking to her once, but our conversation was brief and she said she was busy, most likely to avoid me. That's alright. I don't deserve to have her in my life. She just wanted to be a friend and I took that for granted. I want only the best for her, and I hope she has a fulfilling life, whatever that means to her. I'm a monster.

 

[Trashcan]

Many reasons including depression, social anxiety, fucking up my life beyond repair, having no future, and wanting to avoid aging. I've been wanting to ctb for a while and have also received tons of help, including going to a residential treatment center and still want to ctb. If physician assisted suicide also included mental illness in my state, I would qualify.

 

[Maravillosa]

Depression
Wanting to avoid homelessness after my mother's death
Wanting to avoid ill health in old age
Lack of financial security
Resentment of the inherent unfairness of life in this world
Wanting to control the circumstances of my departure from this world
Curiosity about the afterlife

Ah well! May God forgive me!

 

[Lady black]

Depression, I´m not able to work and live in poverty, loneliness and a big wish to se what will happen when life ends (curious about how death feels and how quick it will be).

 

[loser41]

i'm just really tired, i wake up tired and so fucking unhappy. i feel like a ghost, i have no personality no idea what i'm doing, i'm just observing people, not understanding what there doing with there life and wondering why they continue there shit lives and why i continue my mine.
26yr no education no idea of the future, when i was 16 i told someone i'd probably kill myself before 30. :)

same and more
the idea of living another 50+ sounds so horrible. i've wanted to leave for the longest time but only recently have had the strength to do it. ive looked at things ive said over the years and realized i sent out so many calls for help. i have at least 30 post on my public twitter talking about how im unhappy and want to kill myself from over the years. no one has ever checked on me. i can feel my life crumbling. but when i think about ending it all i get a little happier. it's still scary but it's a lot more comforting than this is.

 

[Over it]

I can relate. I'm sorry.

I wish more people knew about narcissism, the abuse their victims go through, and how much self destruction they can cause on their victim.
Life is a bitch.. I am/have tried to rebuild myself and my life, but I feel like I am drowning. I am getting nowhere. Since the relationship ended, I have put on so much weight, he screwed me financially in the settlement, he basically f***ed me in every way, emotionally, mentally, financially and physically in ways I never imagined... in ways I never knew someone could, now I am suffering... I don't know who I am anymore, I have no self worth, I am just an empty shell that barely exists. My boys are young, only just started school... so to them I am their world. But I can't help but feel like they would be better off without me, a mother so broken, barely getting through each day, knowing they deserve so much more.

 

[Donna]

I wish more people knew about narcissism, the abuse their victims go through, and how much self destruction they can cause on their victim.
Life is a bitch.. I am/have tried to rebuild myself and my life, but I feel like I am drowning. I am getting nowhere. Since the relationship ended, I have put on so much weight, he screwed me financially in the settlement, he basically f***ed me in every way, emotionally, mentally, financially and physically in ways I never imagined... in ways I never knew someone could, now I am suffering... I don't know who I am anymore, I have no self worth, I am just an empty shell that barely exists. My boys are young, only just started school... so to them I am their world. But I can't help but feel like they would be better off without me, a mother so broken, barely getting through each day, knowing they deserve so much more.

Your story , well most of it sounds like what happened to me , sad that a narcissist doesn't even know there 1 , sad how for years I tryd expressing the wrongs he was doing , he to got a settlement and basically thought he was rich , and pretty much said fuck me , he treated his brother better then his wife .His brother was only after his money , his brother told me to fuck off in my garage and my husband said nothing to him . His brother wanted to start a business/he knew nothing about , all I wanted was a house , I think I deserved that after being married for close to 20 years .Makes me so sick to my stomach the things that were said and done .

 

[deflagrat]

I am a hikikomori without skills, which means I won't be able to get a decent job. Without a job I will have to live on the streets eventually, and that will lead to a reduced quality of life that will make me want to die.

I have no purpose in life and all I do is waste my time, eat and sleep. It makes no difference if I die now or if I die in 20 years, that's why I am planning to ctb when life becomes hard (even if I still live with my parents).