what do parents do after their kid ctb

[ireallywasnttogopls]

I feel bad but my parents are partly my reason for ctb

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

I'm certain that they'll be devasted and never recover

 

[hurb]

I wouldnt worry bout them. The parents that tend to lose their kids to ctb , tend to have had these kids in an impulse moment. And never rly cared bout them or took it srsly. Having a kid for them was just some sort of entertainment.
They will somehow manipulate themsleves into believing it was the child fault and move on at some point.

 

[soul2realm]

Imagine adopting a newly born puppy or any pet that you like, now take care of it day and night for a few years. Feeding, bathing, caring, playing and loving it. Then all of a sudden it gets killed. The amount of devastation you would feel at the time is like a drop in the ocean compared to what parents would feel knowing their kid ctb.

 

[GremlinCan56]

I wouldnt worry bout them. The parents that tend to lose their kids to ctb , tend to have had these kids in an impulse moment. And never rly cared bout them or took it srsly. Having a kid for them was just some sort of entertainment.
They will somehow manipulate themsleves into believing it was the child fault and move on at some point.

Exactly what you said.

Imagine adopting a newly born puppy or any pet that you like, now take care of it day and night for a few years. Feeding, bathing, caring, playing and loving it. Then all of a sudden it gets killed. The amount of devastation you would feel at the time is like a drop in the ocean compared to what parents would feel knowing their kid ctb.

Depends on the parents since humans are complex.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

I think it depends on the parents, and on the kid. For example if the kid is a total fuck up then it shouldn't bother the parents as much as it would if they were successfu;

Imagine adopting a newly born puppy or any pet that you like, now take care of it day and night for a few years. Feeding, bathing, caring, playing and loving it. Then all of a sudden it gets killed. The amount of devastation you would feel at the time is like a drop in the ocean compared to what parents would feel knowing their kid ctb.

A more apt analogy would be if your puppy were suffering every day of its life and then died. Still a lot to deal with but it would be worse if the puppy continued to live in agony - unless you're extremely selfish, I guess.

 

[BradGuy123]

Parents are devastated when they lose a child. They never fully get over it.

 

[soul2realm]

A more apt analogy would be if your puppy were suffering every day of its life and then died. Still a lot to deal with but it would be worse if the puppy continued to live in agony - unless you're extremely selfish, I guess.

My dear fellow passenger, please take my comment as a soft description of how a parent might feel not the circumstances of their kid. What the kid may be feeling may be far more distressing, but in this situation, no one ever is the winner.

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm certain that they'll be devasted and never recover

Basically. Unless their soul is already dead this is what will happen. It's an unavoidable outcome that must be considered.

 

[CatLvr]

My son and I have actually discussed how close we have both been to suicide at different points of time in our lives. Just hearing him talk about being in that much pain, even just telling you guys about it, leaves a huge hole in me and I can hardly see thru the tears. I absolutely believe in his right to choose. I am also inconsolable at the thought that I would never watch him play with the dogs, tease and joke around with the neighbor kids, hug him, see his laugh, look forward to our weekly dinner, ever again. I am grateful for every second I have with him. He is why I am still here.

 

[raikko]

My mom had me by accident, and I'm sure she wishes I had never been born. I think she loves me a lot, and she's been a good mother to me, I just feel like I haven't been a good son. My brother died three days after birth two years ago, and she was devastated. It was jarring enough for me to push away the thought of suicide (I had originally planned to do it a month after my brother died, I made those plans before my mom told me she had a baby). Now that she has another daughter and another child on the way, both of whom fully belong to her and my step-dad, I think she'll be okay if I disappeared and joined my brother in wherever he is now.

 

[CatLvr]

My mom had me by accident, and I'm sure she wishes I had never been born. I think she loves me a lot, and she's been a good mother to me, I just feel like I haven't been a good son. My brother died three days after birth two years ago, and she was devastated. It was jarring enough for me to push away the thought of suicide (I had originally planned to do it a month after my brother died, I made those plans before my mom told me she had a baby). Now that she has another daughter and another child on the way, both of whom fully belong to her and my step-dad, I think she'll be okay if I disappeared and joined my brother in wherever he is now.

Due to the circumstances of my childhood I was very vocal about never wanting children. Fate had other plans for me, and even though I took the Pill religiously from the time I became sexually active, I wound up with several children. All of them "accidents". They are my life. Every, single one of them. Your mom may have a dozen kids with your step-dad but she will NEVER have another you. And I can promise you she will never get over losing you. She will not "get better" or "be okay".

Also, I'm sorry she lost her baby, and you lost your little brother. I lost a grandchild. It is not fair that babies have to hurt.

 

[dontletthembribeyou]

My son and I have actually discussed how close we have both been to suicide at different points of time in our lives. Just hearing him talk about being in that much pain, even just telling you guys about it, leaves a huge hole in me and I can hardly see thru the tears. I absolutely believe in his right to choose. I am also inconsolable at the thought that I would never watch him play with the dogs, tease and joke around with the neighbor kids, hug him, see his laugh, look forward to our weekly dinner, ever again. I am grateful for every second I have with him. He is why I am still here.

I really appreciate this outlook. It sounds like you and your son are very lucky to have each other

 

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

I wouldnt worry bout them. The parents that tend to lose their kids to ctb , tend to have had these kids in an impulse moment. And never rly cared bout them or took it srsly. Having a kid for them was just some sort of entertainment.
They will somehow manipulate themsleves into believing it was the child fault and move on at some point.

This tbh.

Also, what does CTB stand for ?

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I used to intern at a doctor and one of her clients had a son who'd ctbed 5-6 years ago (at the time she came in). She was really melancholic, and one point bringing her son up without prompting and telling us that it's been hard. She had tried to move on with her life and said that every day she misses him dearly and that she wanted to have stopped him. She looked and sounded devastated.

But that's just one example. I read on one of those articles on the right to die about a mother who fully accepted her daughters wishes, even going so far as helping her do it and (when her daughters chosen method failed) suffocating her with a pillow. The article was mostly about her perspective about how she was sad to see her daughter go but ultimately supportive of her, even as it worsened and ended relationships with her social circle. I understand she's an extreme outlier. I wish it wasn't the case.

Most of them turn into a variation of the first example I listed, unfortunately. They grow bitter and sad because they somehow "failed" their children by letting their kids have a say in the matter of their extended suffering. They whine constantly about it. One guy who's daughter accidentally killed herself did like drug prevention tours because his daughter died to the stupidest drug I have ever heard off (deodorant sniffing).

 

[yotaka]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I wonder if anybody has thoughts on the subject specifically as it applies to people in later stages of life. My parents are retired now and kind of off living their own lives. I know they love me, and I know they would be devastated to lose me. At the same time, I honestly think they're kind of anticipating it. They know I'm not doing well, and they know there's nothing they can do about it.

I dunno... just curious if anyone has any insights.

 

[CatLvr]

I don't want to hijack this thread, but I wonder if anybody has thoughts on the subject specifically as it applies to people in later stages of life. My parents are retired now and kind of off living their own lives. I know they love me, and I know they would be devastated to lose me. At the same time, I honestly think they're kind of anticipating it. They know I'm not doing well, and they know there's nothing they can do about it.

I dunno... just curious if anyone has any insights.

Oh man ... Yeah, that's a hard one. There is a fine line between helping your adult child and forcing them to live their life by your standards and expectations. I wish I had some answers for you -- I know (from experience) that the time my son and I were not in contact with each other, we both spiraled horribly. Thing is, we both thought we were doing what we should because we love each other -- I thought I was trying to give him his space to become the man he wanted to be and he thought he was trying to let me have my life back after raising a houseful of kids with no help from ANYWHERE. What happened was we listened to other family members when we should have just sucked it up and met over a cup of coffee and talked it out.

My guess is your parents are more than a little bit afraid of actively driving you away by bringing up the "hard stuff" and they have convinced themselves -- rightly or wrongly -- that you are satisfied with your life.

Now, this next part is where SaSu got involved in my life ... A young person who is no longer here made a comment in a thread about making a list and checking off all the things they wanted to do before they left this world, and suggested that even if it was something hard, like talking to someone you had "lost" for whatever reason, the worst thing that could happen would be they would refuse your request. Their point was did you want to die and your last thought be regret because you didn't bother, or did you want to die secure in the knowledge that you had done everything you needed to before you left this world??

This person is the reason I texted my son that day and why he is in my life now. So, bottom line is, this person who was probably 40 years younger than me, was wise beyond their years. And they gave me something I had not had in many, many years -- hope.

So, my advice to anyone here who thinks their time is soon -- or not -- is to make that list. Do the hard things. Do not look at/drink that glass of SN ... Or pull the trigger on that gun ... Or kick that chair you are standing on away, until you can look in the mirror, at your own face, into your own eyes, and KNOW you did not leave any stone unturned. That you tried your hardest. And that leaving this world at the time you have chosen is actually your destiny, actually what you want -- and not a reaction to being afraid to do, or say, or hear, the hard things. Who knows?? Doing that might actually give you something you had forgotten existed in this world. Or maybe didn't ever know.

Am I "cured"?? God, I wish but no. I still have days where I sit with my gun in my lap, a bottle of Buffalo Trace on the table next to me, listening to heavy metal and read posts on here all morning. I can't decide if I am trying to work up the courage to move on or if I am just trying to be a better person and help someone else not feel like this. I don't know what the future holds for any of us. But if I can help anyone get through their day with just a little bit less pain, and a little bit more hope, then I will consider that a good day. And try my best to hang around another 24 hours. In case tomorrow turns out to me one of my "good" days.

 

[Sphinxi]

My parents are retired

My brother committed suicide when my mom was around 53. Not too old. He was like 24 or so and was a major disaster for years prior. She was still completely broken, I don't believe what others in this thread say, that parents generally don't care. I think that's just rationalizing their own suicidality. A child commiting suicide would crush the vast majority of parents, and they will never be the same, like my mother.
If this actually factors in to if you decide to commit suicide is up to the person, but we have no need to delude ourselves about the suicide of a child being a thing one can reasonably cope with.