Went the get help

[\Quail\]

Idk what I want to achieve with this post. Juts venting I guess because I'm pretty pissed off.

A week ago I decided to -for my parents- get help at the suicide station before I finally swallow my salts. They put me into a ward with fellow people with depression. I was hoping specifically to work on my extreme hatred of myself, my cutting and my never-ending sleeping. Instead, they simply gave me higher dose of an anti-depressant and decided everything would be fine. After that, I was offered classes like aroma-therapy, music therapy, art therapy etc. I only get to talk to an actual psych twice a week for half an hour. Apparently these artsy classes should "help me find myself" and "distract from bad thoughts". I'm 22, not a freaking 8 year-old.


I'm offended by how stupid they think I am and pissed off that they I wasted my time in this. I've already told them that on Friday I'm leaving. I'm extremely desperate for salts now and need a quick way to get them. Maybe I'll go over to Germany and bike around there a bit; some pharmacies forget about the harmfulness of certain salts.

 

[Logic]

Idk what I want to achieve with this post. Juts venting I guess because I'm pretty pissed off.

A week ago I decided to -for my parents- get help at the suicide station before I finally swallow my salts. They put me into a ward with fellow people with depression. I was hoping specifically to work on my extreme hatred of myself, my cutting and my never-ending sleeping. Instead, they simply gave me higher dose of an anti-depressant and decided everything would be fine. After that, I was offered classes like aroma-therapy, music therapy, art therapy etc. I only get to talk to an actual psych twice a week for half an hour. Apparently these artsy classes should "help me find myself" and "distract from bad thoughts". I'm 22, not a freaking 8 year-old.


I'm offended by how stupid they think I am and pissed off that they I wasted my time in this. I've already told them that on Friday I'm leaving. I'm extremely desperate for salts now and need a quick way to get them. Maybe I'll go over to Germany and bike around there a bit; some pharmacies forget about the harmfulness of certain salts.

Our current suicide policy is based on monotheistic values rather than what the science says. That is to say even though psychology and philosophy has always said you can kill yourself without being mentally ill, vast majority of people, psychiatry etc insist life is always worth it without evidence or even attempting to prove their claim, they take this further it's a result a momentary lasp in judgment and mental illness, it's impossible to truly want to kill yourself, once again even though it doesn't make sense. Until they fix these issues they will not be able to adequately help many.

 

[\Quail\]

Our current suicide policy is based on monotheistic values rather than what the science says. That is to say even though psychology and philosophy has always said you can kill yourself without being mentally ill, vast majority of people, psychiatry etc insist life is always worth it without evidence or even attempting to prove their claim, they take this further it's a result a momentary lasp in judgment and mental illness, it's impossible to truly want to kill yourself, once again even though it doesn't make sense. Until they fix these issues they will not be able to adequately help many.

The thing is, I went into their care with a glimmer of hope that maybe someone could fix me. Instead, they tell me "bang on some instruments that will make you feel better!" If they want to prove that my life is worth anything they're doing a real shity job at it. What I see is my psych can't be bothered to talk to me for more than an hour of a week. What an utter joke.

But you're probably right, they don't actually believe I want to kill myself. Only crazy people from movies do that!

 

[Logic]

The thing is, I went into their care with a glimmer of hope that maybe someone could fix me. Instead, they tell me "bang on some instruments that will make you feel better!" If they want to prove that my life is worth anything they're doing a real shity job at it. What I see is my psych can't be bothered to talk to me for more than an hour of a week. What an utter joke.

But you're probably right, they don't actually believe I want to kill myself. Only crazy people from movies do that!

So if you decide to stick around, studies show the way people get better long term is through changing their brain chem through environmental factors with social relationships usually being the most important factor. Basically if you want to build a great life or a life worth living you have to do it yourself, no one can do it for you. I really wish I could help you or you could just take some pill it just doesn't actually work that way. Pills can help at first espically if you are severely depresssed but not as well as you would think and not in everyone.