anhedonicNfoggy
i don’t know
- Aug 7, 2023
- 97
At first, when I watched gore, I felt a bit nauseous and disappointed with the world.
But oddly, having seen how bad it is with the cartel executions, I feel sorta grateful for my life. It's just my feelings whether it is about myself or the monotony of life or loneliness it all just feels so trivial compared to the violent acts others have experienced. And maybe also I think I feel happy (?) somehow. I think I'm getting dopamine from watching this stuff. There's many categories so I'm not just watching cartel-related. I don't fully know why, it just is helping me. Maybe it's the shock value that grabs my interest when normal stuff can't anymore. I just hope I don't become too desensitized that all of this becomes a bore too
I'm pretty sure I do have empathy like if something like that happened in real life, I'd be terrified. But even tho these are real people, maybe my rationalization is I anyways couldn't have done anything to help them so it can't be that bad just watching.
But oddly, having seen how bad it is with the cartel executions, I feel sorta grateful for my life. It's just my feelings whether it is about myself or the monotony of life or loneliness it all just feels so trivial compared to the violent acts others have experienced. And maybe also I think I feel happy (?) somehow. I think I'm getting dopamine from watching this stuff. There's many categories so I'm not just watching cartel-related. I don't fully know why, it just is helping me. Maybe it's the shock value that grabs my interest when normal stuff can't anymore. I just hope I don't become too desensitized that all of this becomes a bore too
I'm pretty sure I do have empathy like if something like that happened in real life, I'd be terrified. But even tho these are real people, maybe my rationalization is I anyways couldn't have done anything to help them so it can't be that bad just watching.
