Venting Was anyone else shunned into introversion?

[amerie]

Excuse my grammar I just want to get out my thoughts quickly before I go to bed

I was a very extroverted child, I loved talking to people and making connections and I loved cameras and attention. But due to my neurodivergence I'd say inappropriate things for the situation or come off as too headstrong for a lot of people hence why I was never able to keep anyone around. I've always been described as weird and annoying without ever knowing why, sometimes I'd just be talking about something normal and they'd just stare at me and say "you're weird, you know that?" It's even worse bc they think it's a compliment or some term of endearment but it just makes me feel insecure

Because of being shunned so badly during my developmental years I developed a fake "shy" persona in hopes that it would protect me and I hated it.

I love being a loud person who says everything that comes to mind, but as the years have gone by I actually HAVE become an introvert and my dream life is to sit inside of my room by myself with no friends or anyone to judge me just doing whatever, I've lost passion because no one cares about anything I do. I'm terrified of people and I get annoyed when store associates approach me or when strangers attempt to make conversation because what's the point? Why even bother getting to know me when I communicate in a frequency that you will never understand? Find someone else to perceive.

but in this economy that's not possible. Charming and confident people get the best jobs, have a great social circle, and get lots of praise, and if you're not any of those things unless you're attractive you're basically fucked. I've been told that I am pretty but I don't believe it and I dress like shit lmao, I am working on my style to pass as more neurotypical however, so maybe I can just be the pretty bimbo who says nothing and I'll be safe.

I often find that most neurodivergent people were always shy, like unable to talk until they were 7 type shy and were considered cute instead of weird. It makes me feel quite lonely in my experience.

 

[Pluto]

 

[a-fond-farewell]

yes! i'm also neurodivergent and growing up, what you described is basically my life story. i was also bullied and became obsessive about seeming normal (BIG mistake, that only makes you seem more awkward). over time, i crawled in my shell, not by choice, and it's been difficult to step even just one foot outside it.

it frustrates me when people assume that I'm introverted or dislike talking to people. there are many cases where someone wanted to talk to me, but never reached out because they just assumed that I wouldn't want to talk to them. I wish people would ask before assuming, but I guess I can't blame them. I want to connect with others so badly. I want to have in-person friends and regain a sense of belonging and a sense of identity, but it's hard to restore my faith in people generally speaking.

finding other neurodivergent friends is probably the best thing you can do, but that's easier said than done, but there certainly are communities that attract more neurodivergent people than average. where people won't judge you, where they won't assume what you're thinking, where they'll invite you to do things with them. where they won't infantalize you, or on the other extreme, take offense to your existence for whatever reason just because you're autistic or neurodivergent.

 

[amerie]

yes! i'm also neurodivergent and growing up, what you described is basically my life story. i was also bullied and became obsessive about seeming normal (BIG mistake, that only makes you seem more awkward). over time, i crawled in my shell, not by choice, and it's been difficult to step even just one foot outside it.

it frustrates me when people assume that I'm introverted or dislike talking to people. there are many cases where someone wanted to talk to me, but never reached out because they just assumed that I wouldn't want to talk to them. I wish people would ask before assuming, but I guess I can't blame them. I want to connect with others so badly. I want to have in-person friends and regain a sense of belonging and a sense of identity, but it's hard to restore my faith in people generally speaking.

finding other neurodivergent friends is probably the best thing you can do, but that's easier said than done, but there certainly are communities that attract more neurodivergent people than average. where people won't judge you, where they won't assume what you're thinking, where they'll invite you to do things with them. where they won't infantalize you, or on the other extreme, take offense to your existence for whatever reason just because you're autistic or neurodivergent.

The problem is you can only stay in a bubble of comfort for so long especially when you want to improve your social mobility. I literally could just accept the gooner NEET life and become someone like Nova online or Tophia but I also don't want to live a depressing unfulfilled life. I only have so much time left and I need to make my existence worth it.

People who live the best lives know how to communicate with others and get on people's good side, they're confident and unapologetic and know how to dominate and lead and market themselves. The problem is I am so terrified of people and I can't be unapologetic because I'm literally socially maladapted. I want to get help for it but taking classes or getting therapy is expensive and the work I have to put in just makes me want to end it faster. It's embarrassing and life isn't fair.

 

[ElTopo]

Excuse my grammar I just want to get out my thoughts quickly before I go to bed

I was a very extroverted child, I loved talking to people and making connections and I loved cameras and attention. But due to my neurodivergence I'd say inappropriate things for the situation or come off as too headstrong for a lot of people hence why I was never able to keep anyone around. I've always been described as weird and annoying without ever knowing why, sometimes I'd just be talking about something normal and they'd just stare at me and say "you're weird, you know that?" It's even worse bc they think it's a compliment or some term of endearment but it just makes me feel insecure

Because of being shunned so badly during my developmental years I developed a fake "shy" persona in hopes that it would protect me and I hated it.

I love being a loud person who says everything that comes to mind, but as the years have gone by I actually HAVE become an introvert and my dream life is to sit inside of my room by myself with no friends or anyone to judge me just doing whatever, I've lost passion because no one cares about anything I do. I'm terrified of people and I get annoyed when store associates approach me or when strangers attempt to make conversation because what's the point? Why even bother getting to know me when I communicate in a frequency that you will never understand? Find someone else to perceive.

but in this economy that's not possible. Charming and confident people get the best jobs, have a great social circle, and get lots of praise, and if you're not any of those things unless you're attractive you're basically fucked. I've been told that I am pretty but I don't believe it and I dress like shit lmao, I am working on my style to pass as more neurotypical however, so maybe I can just be the pretty bimbo who says nothing and I'll be safe.

I often find that most neurodivergent people were always shy, like unable to talk until they were 7 type shy and were considered cute instead of weird. It makes me feel quite lonely in my experience.

I used to be a happy, very extroverted kid.
Don't know what happened, it's a mix of a lot of bad things, now I'm the opposite of that. On a good note I enjoy silence and I never felt bad living alone

 

[Dejected 55]

So... I identify with some of this a lot.

Even as a kid, I never wanted to be the center of attention. My parents liked to brag on things I could do or how smart I was, and it just made me isolate and withdraw because I never wanted to perform or show off for others.

But, I was social. I would approach other kids and made friends easily as a child. I mean, I don't know if they were ever real friends in the truest sense of the word, but I can always get along with almost anyone. I typically even get along with the "problem person" that everyone else warns you to avoid.

But... I went through a period as a kid from around 4th to 9th grade where I was ostracized by pretty much the entire school over a rumor started while I was out of school several weeks with a major case of strep throat and scarlet fever... and when I came back to school, everyone believed this rumor about me and I could never overcome it. Also, I realized most of the kids were horrible so even if I could have overcome, I didn't want to be friends with them anyway.

BUT... what this did to me socially was bad... definitely stunted my growth emotionally. Also, I used to always be the kid who welcomes new transfer kids so they didn't feel alone or unwelcome... but whenever I did this, one of two things would happen... #1. They would be friendly at first but then realize I was uncool and they would turn on me to be popular and that hurt. or #2. They would reject the others, and we would sort of be friends but I realized I was taking them down with me.

So, given the choice of hurting myself through betrayal or hurting others by befriending them, I ultimately chose to stop reaching out to new kids and let them find their own way.

As an adult some of this resurfaced and I would talk to new employees on the job, but I wasn't trying to be friends so it was more manageable. I would see people being left out of group activities and know those people wanted to be includes so I would try to help them be included even as I avoided social work gatherings like the plague.

So for me, some of my isolation comes naturally... other parts of it were imposed by a harsh society. I am fine most of the time with the isolation. I just wish I could have one person to connect, bond, share with. That's all. I don't need more than that. Just to belong with one person would make the fight so much more tolerable.

 

[starboy2k]

I used to be so extroverted as a child until I was bullied by my schoolmates and own mother.
Told I was too fruity, dramatic, undisciplined, undeserving.
Was later raised into seclusion and isolation followed by constant bullying from my parents and family. Was treated as the awkward kid until I told a few jokes then all of a sudden I was seen until I wasn't again.
Always stayed in my room, was expected to always stay in my room. I barely had true friends, just people that tolerated having a token black gay kid around.
Fast forward to now…the same people that pushed me into introversion, are the same people wondering why I barely smile anymore. Refer to me as dry, depressing, an "energy vampire. I love being introverted and depressed …….that way I don't have to pretend I like being around people who want to hear themselves talk all the fucking time.

 

[Hellis]

Yes, I was the same. My peers forced me into being shy because I didn't fit their standards. Luckily I work a job that allows me to be myself and the extroversion returned to me. It's a better way to live but I'm still depressed LMAO

 

[orcapythia]

Yeah, it hurts a lot remembering how talkative and oblivious I was

 

[amerie]

Yeah, it hurts a lot remembering how talkative and oblivious I was

Me too, I remember when I was 5 my favorite thing to do was talk to strangers and ask people to be my friends. I miss myself.

 

[Satori Komeiji]

In many ways I was the same though I am not sure if I used to be extroverted or not. I know as a kid I had a lot of energy and I could be loud and energetic but that was only when I was around my friends. Growing up, my more unusual traits were suppressed by the adults around me. I closed in on myself as a result because I learned very early on that the way I expressed myself was not allowed. I don't think those suppressed traits went away but rather I learned that I cannot be myself around adults but I can be myself around friends.
Eventually somewhere along the way though this reserved and quiet version of me took over entirely. Perhaps it took over when being a loud and energetic kid wasn't 'cool' anymore. I pretty much always felt like an isolated freak growing up. Eventually I learned about my condition which my mom for the most part hid from me. I found communities and information online and I felt less like a freak of nature but was still alone. I think energetic, extroverted me still exists but it only comes out when I am alone. I doubt I will ever be in any way extroverted again.

 

[Dejected 55]

Me too, I remember when I was 5 my favorite thing to do was talk to strangers and ask people to be my friends. I miss myself.

Random tangent here... but I think the stranger-danger teachings got out of hand and really fucked up people's ability to interact with each other and detect shady people.

It's not a good idea to let your kids wander off with random strangers to be sure... but most of the kidnappings and abuse cases reported seem to be committed by friends or relatives who wouldn't have been prevented by the "stranger danger" stuff.

Meanwhile, not letting your kids interact with people while in your presence means those kids don't develop skills to evaluate strangers and learn how to discern between good and bad actors. We may or may not have protected kids with the practice, but I think we created generations of adults who don't know how to properly interact with people and determine who to trust and who not to trust.

 

[amerie]

Random tangent here... but I think the stranger-danger teachings got out of hand and really fucked up people's ability to interact with each other and detect shady people.

It's not a good idea to let your kids wander off with random strangers to be sure... but most of the kidnappings and abuse cases reported seem to be committed by friends or relatives who wouldn't have been prevented by the "stranger danger" stuff.

Meanwhile, not letting your kids interact with people while in your presence means those kids don't develop skills to evaluate strangers and learn how to discern between good and bad actors. We may or may not have protected kids with the practice, but I think we created generations of adults who don't know how to properly interact with people and determine who to trust and who not to trust.

Exactly this. Community and collective care and respect for children is beautiful.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Yeah, a bit.