Story Waiting for the train home

[ClownMe]

bit of a random post but I just wanted to talk about some suicidal thoughts I had while waiting for my train home from work on Friday afternoon. I have nobody else to talk to about it, so I thought maybe someone on here might be interested in hearing it.

It was another shit day at work and another shit week in general, I arrive at the station after finishing my shift to return home and the first thing I do is take a good look over the railings at the top of the stairs, down below, i reckon if I jump it might just be high enough up to kill me, I subconsciously climbed over the railing a bit, feeling a rush, i'd never felt like this before and i'd never even contemplated a jumping attempt before. Of course i didn't end up jumping and thankfully nobody saw me climbing over the railing or i probably would have ended up in a psych ward or some shit.

Amazingly, a few minutes later as im waiting on the platform. i see a massive freight train travelling at light speed. I seriously considering jumping in front of it and ending it all right then and there... but once again, i didn't!

i hate life so much, yet im too much of a pussy to end it all. I swear to god that the universe was telling me to end it all right then and there when that freight train appeared, ive never seen one go past at that train station ever before...

 

[FuneralCry]

It isn't cowardly, not being able to end it. Our brains are programmed to survive so it is hard. I would never be able to go through with the train method though, SI would certainly stop me, it is my least favourite method.

 

[Lost Magic]

Don't be hard on yourself mate. Life is hard enough without torturing yourself over something like this. There is no rush.