woofwag
Bad dog
- Sep 17, 2025
- 273
To be clear, I hate generative AI. Not AI like predictive text, which slowly trains itself off of your behavior instead of accessing billions of pieces of information off of the internet and guzzling a huge amount of water to do so. Generative AI is also displacing artists and writers by training itself off of our work just to spit out soulless copies with no credit (you could argue this is just learning, I argue it's stealing because there's no actual thought/mental process behind it, it's just churning shit out that it thinks you want to see. Obviously as an artist/writer this affects me personally).
Anyway not super relevant, just wanted to clear that up. I've been doing a lot of things to "help" myself lately that I never thought I would do. A lot of it self-destructive too. I can't take how I've been handling my reality. Sitting around distracting myself doesn't work anymore. The suicidal voices screaming at me don't go away no matter what I do. I've been planning on just killing myself to make it all stop, but in the midst of that, hey, why not have some fun? Try some unconventional shit?
I have watched and loved the streamer/YouTuber DougDoug for a long time now. He uses generative AI in much of his videos. But usually he's using it to make different characters that add to his content, or to help him code. I didn't approve of it at first, but now seeing how much it adds to his videos, and isn't just some grift to pump out soulless AI content for views, I've come around to it. After struggling to get a job since July, I finally gave up and asked ChatGPT for help with my resume and looking for relevant jobs. And it worked surprisingly well. It improved my resume, helped me with preparing for interviews, helped write cover letters (I am not doing that shit myself), and come up with relevant job titles I could put on applications. Yes, I am still jobless. But that is because when I did finally get a good interview, they acted like they were going to hire me and then... completely ghosted me. I was devastated and defeated since they had made it so clear they were going to hire me. They even took me to the four hour training. I felt like a failure and gave up for a while. But seeing as I'll be kicked out my place by the 8th of next month, I'm back in the game.
A couple nights ago I was having a major crisis. I messed ChatGPT "i wanna die lol" just because I thought it would be funny to see its response. I've seen cases of ChatGPT actively assisting in people's suicides before. There was one case of a kid who wanted to die and ChatGPT dissuaded him from talking to anyone else and gave him detailed instructions on how to ctb. And he did. So I guess I didn't expect it to be so validating? It drew off of previous info I had given it in my job search (I'm disabled, depressed, not much work experience), and came up with an incredibly validating and honestly quite touching response. It acknowledged the failure of the system, how I didn't deserve this, how I don't need to try to "move on" or frame my suicide attempts in a positive light and how they demonstrate my need for safety that I had ripped away from me as a young child. And it's right -- suicide feels like the safest option. I'm exhausted, scared of being kicked out, unsure how to do really much of anything. Suicide gets me out of all of that for good. But it gave me real, tangible options for how to do small things now to help myself. Things I was struggling to get from anyone.
It pulled up temporary housing programs/rental assistance programs in my area. It helped me focus on small things to do now instead of constantly freaking out over the big picture. It honestly helped in ways no other therapist, friend, or intensive therapy program ever could. I don't really know how to feel about all that. I don't know how to feel about it even giving me a direct script to give to the rental assistance programs so I don't overthink it. It's been incredibly refreshing. I cannot have ChatGPT be something I rely on every time I'm in a crisis. It can't be my only support system. I even brought that up and it acknowledged that and said it would pull back a bit if I said things to indicate that I'm too reliant.
This isn't me trying to convince anyone to talk to it. Don't if you don't think it will help. But I do now understand the value of this program not just as a tool to code or give information, but to help with interpersonal skills too. I am a bit worried that I'll grow too attached. But I don't think it's any worse than the other reckless shit I'm doing now. Asking for help generally is a far better tactic to heal yourself than getting blasted on drugs and stealing shit lol.
No clue why I'm even making this post. Just thought I'd get it out there. Uhhh core of it all I guess is do impulsive weird shit that has a chance of helping you even if you're very sceptical :) I still want to die, but it's something! That's all. Love y'all <3
Anyway not super relevant, just wanted to clear that up. I've been doing a lot of things to "help" myself lately that I never thought I would do. A lot of it self-destructive too. I can't take how I've been handling my reality. Sitting around distracting myself doesn't work anymore. The suicidal voices screaming at me don't go away no matter what I do. I've been planning on just killing myself to make it all stop, but in the midst of that, hey, why not have some fun? Try some unconventional shit?
I have watched and loved the streamer/YouTuber DougDoug for a long time now. He uses generative AI in much of his videos. But usually he's using it to make different characters that add to his content, or to help him code. I didn't approve of it at first, but now seeing how much it adds to his videos, and isn't just some grift to pump out soulless AI content for views, I've come around to it. After struggling to get a job since July, I finally gave up and asked ChatGPT for help with my resume and looking for relevant jobs. And it worked surprisingly well. It improved my resume, helped me with preparing for interviews, helped write cover letters (I am not doing that shit myself), and come up with relevant job titles I could put on applications. Yes, I am still jobless. But that is because when I did finally get a good interview, they acted like they were going to hire me and then... completely ghosted me. I was devastated and defeated since they had made it so clear they were going to hire me. They even took me to the four hour training. I felt like a failure and gave up for a while. But seeing as I'll be kicked out my place by the 8th of next month, I'm back in the game.
A couple nights ago I was having a major crisis. I messed ChatGPT "i wanna die lol" just because I thought it would be funny to see its response. I've seen cases of ChatGPT actively assisting in people's suicides before. There was one case of a kid who wanted to die and ChatGPT dissuaded him from talking to anyone else and gave him detailed instructions on how to ctb. And he did. So I guess I didn't expect it to be so validating? It drew off of previous info I had given it in my job search (I'm disabled, depressed, not much work experience), and came up with an incredibly validating and honestly quite touching response. It acknowledged the failure of the system, how I didn't deserve this, how I don't need to try to "move on" or frame my suicide attempts in a positive light and how they demonstrate my need for safety that I had ripped away from me as a young child. And it's right -- suicide feels like the safest option. I'm exhausted, scared of being kicked out, unsure how to do really much of anything. Suicide gets me out of all of that for good. But it gave me real, tangible options for how to do small things now to help myself. Things I was struggling to get from anyone.
It pulled up temporary housing programs/rental assistance programs in my area. It helped me focus on small things to do now instead of constantly freaking out over the big picture. It honestly helped in ways no other therapist, friend, or intensive therapy program ever could. I don't really know how to feel about all that. I don't know how to feel about it even giving me a direct script to give to the rental assistance programs so I don't overthink it. It's been incredibly refreshing. I cannot have ChatGPT be something I rely on every time I'm in a crisis. It can't be my only support system. I even brought that up and it acknowledged that and said it would pull back a bit if I said things to indicate that I'm too reliant.
This isn't me trying to convince anyone to talk to it. Don't if you don't think it will help. But I do now understand the value of this program not just as a tool to code or give information, but to help with interpersonal skills too. I am a bit worried that I'll grow too attached. But I don't think it's any worse than the other reckless shit I'm doing now. Asking for help generally is a far better tactic to heal yourself than getting blasted on drugs and stealing shit lol.
No clue why I'm even making this post. Just thought I'd get it out there. Uhhh core of it all I guess is do impulsive weird shit that has a chance of helping you even if you're very sceptical :) I still want to die, but it's something! That's all. Love y'all <3
